Renewing My Practice

Hey there loves,

I don't know about any of you, but I have been noticing a sense of...emptiness when it comes to my spiritual practice. I've spoken before about the ups and downs of my focus or lack thereof in my daily practice and how it seems to come and go as if riding in and out with the tides. I will go through periods where every day, seemingly every moment I can possibly spare is spent on journaling, reading, thinking, meditating, practicing.

And gradually I will go for what feels like months of a dry spell (pardon the pun). My crystals go untouched, my sage goes un-burnt and it's like I've stepped into a magic free world.

I have spent years trying to determine why such a thing happens or the better question, why it happens so frequently. I've thought before that whenever significant change happens, that's usually a warning sign that things are about to go quiet for a time as I process and adjust.

And in some ways I suppose that's fair. Same goes for when depression makes an unwanted visit, I will spend months processing and working through it, some times not even noticing it because it becomes like a second nature.

But in all sincerity. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of going in and out with what I suppose you could call dedication. I am tired of going from feeling so connected, to struggling to reconnect. I'm tired of feeling lost in my own practice.

So I started asking myself some annoying to uncomfortable questions. For some time I have missed the feeling of having a physical mentor or guide to poke and prod at me with questions that I feel bashful answering because I know I can be doing better.

For the first time since I began my path and journey as a pagan I have felt the longing for fellowship in the form of a Circle or Coven. I've often craved structure for my practice and thought countless times how much different my practice might be if only I had others to help keep me moving and accountable.

Which of course then begged the question, why do I need someone else to keep me accountable? Why am I not sufficient in doing so?

The honest answer to that is: I have been lazy.

That's not to say that change doesn't require adjusting, and that life cannot be busy, that's just how life is. But what I am attempting to acknowledge about myself is that I have a tendency to turn my brain off as a means of relaxing via modern technology.

And that's not to say that using modern technology cannot be helpful. But drinking a glass of wine and putting on the latest Netflix whatever might not be the most helpful when it comes to being a productive practitioner.

Now, I have done a lot of emotional, mental and spiritual work this past year in particular. And I think I have begun to associate my practice with an extra load of personal work that I am not always keen on doing.

This is where it becomes a little tricky for me. I feel and have felt for a long time that this life for me, is about the work that I am here to do. Helping other people of their journey, breaking chains and cycles of my ancestors, showing others that they can do the same. But to do any of that, I have to be able to do so myself. And some days, I just don't think I have it in me.

I think part of the problem there is I have been hitting the ground running. I've stopped focusing on my foundation and have been struggling to reach some sort of 'next level' because my human ego tells me that because I can picture it, I should be there already.

Which I am sure that you can relate to, it becomes frustrating and discouraging, and personally, it makes me just want to throw my hands up and say, forget it!

Meanwhile my heart and soul are still craving that path, that journey, that learning. The achieving is all well and good, and of course they know this will come in time. The heart and the soul don't worry about they when, they care about the how.

Just a few short weeks ago I celebrated Samhain and welcomed in the energy of 2018. While I am no numerology expert, I try to follow the energy of the numbers and symbols as I believe they can serve as markers or guide posts. This year, 2017 when added up together equates to a 10 or a 1; a year of mastery and apprenticeship.

I was given and shown what I consider to be a significant amount of information about how my practice is going to eventually unfold. I was given different programs to offer, different workshops to teach, a lecture, I could go on. It was a so much information that I attempted to dive in feet first without any real idea of how to get things started.

That was six, seven months ago. Yet here I am, six weeks left of 2017 and I am finding the need to go back to basics. To really understand and define in a coherent manner what I believe, how I practice, what is it that I really want.

What is it that I really want?

This question had me stumped. For the most part, my life feels set, it feels solid, stable.

Things I have never experienced my adult life being, something that somehow always felt out of reach. Now that I'm standing here, I can sense the worry that one foot wrong could cause it all to come tumbling down. The difference between now and even one year ago is that I am solid, I am stable.

So, now that I know that I am such, and I trust that I am such, what do I do?

Well, after giving the question some genuine consideration and asking Spirit to guide me to the best course of action, the answer seems simple.

Go back to basics.

By giving myself a clean slate and a chance to start again, I feel like it takes the pressure out of picking up my practice. Which was originally going to be the title of this article. But as I've reread and edited this piece, I've realized that I am not picking up an old practice at all.

The emptiness I have been feeling has been more of a cleansing and continual releasing of the old to make space for a new practice.

By going back to basics, and approaching my path with a new sense of wonder and questions, I myself am approaching it as a new student, as a new initiate.

 It feels strangely appropriate to have come to this place of realization and renewal on the night of the new moon. The second to last new moon of 2017.

Earlier I mentioned the numerological significance of this being a 10/01 year. Again, I am a novice at best when it comes to Numerology, but the best that I can ascertain is that 2018 is going to be an 11 year versus resorting to a 2 year.

I have heard numerous times that 11 is a master number, and while I am not entirely sure what that means, from the research I've done it really sounds like 2018 is an energy that supports stepping into who you really are. 2018 sounds like it carries the energies for remarkable transformations and transmutation. 2018 sounds like it echos those opportunities that we've all been waiting for.

My dearest hope is to refocus my intention for this space and redirect it to a more informational tone. I am going to be rebuilding my practice from the ground up, and honestly, I couldn't be more excited or relieved.

I feel wonderful knowing that in this cycle of rest and remembrance, that I am given the gift of renewal. I so look forward to sharing with you what I come up with and how I will be honoring my path. These last five and a half years have really been about doing what I needed to do when I needed to do it to get by until the next disaster hit.

2018 is going to be the beginning of a whole new chapter for me. It's also going to be my Saturn Return year, so that will definitely be interesting. Stay tuned for that!

If you're curious about what else I am up to, I encourage you to come out check out our virtual temple via Facebook and join Shakti's Circle. I am hoping to launch some really fun events and readings in the group over the next year or so, or if you are just interested in community, we are excited to have you!

With that my dears, I am going to bid you all a fond farewell until next time, be sure to take good care.

~Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf