Oh, So Much to Say

Hey there loves,

Of all the things I've written about here Through the Secret Door, I honestly feel like today's topic is one of the most difficult thus far. My opinions are what make this blog, and even though I do share factual information regarding certain subjects, today I am speaking completely from my soul, these views are what make the most sense to me, and as most personal beliefs do, admittedly they provide a little comfort.

For those who do not already know, I call the Pacific Northwest of the United States home. For anyone who watches the news or is simply on social media, there was yet another shooting last week, this time in Roseburg, Oregon. This hits extremely close to home being that I am originally from Salem, and what's more is that a very dear friend of mine is from Roseburg, itself.

On the day of, I was on the way to work when I learned of the shooting, and as I read updated news during my forty minute trip - rest assured I was not driving, I found myself fighting to hold back tears which was only mildly successful.

Once I had finished with the most recent information, I found myself rather puzzled as to why this particular shooting was so upsetting to me. It wasn't in my hometown or my school, it wasn't in my current town of residence, these were not people that I knew and no one I did know was connected to this tragedy, was I perhaps more connected to my home state then I had thought?

Throughout my shift at work, in the back of my mind I tried to piece together why I was so upset, what about this particular incident was so different then all of the rest?

When I arrived back home that evening I hopped back online to see if there was a new update, and mostly what I saw was others reaching out to the families and friends of those who were killed, a few religious messages thrown in, and a couple of jack offs who didn't respect the dead enough to wait a full twenty-four hours before defending the use of guns.

In the next couple of days that followed I was still trying to sort out what had seemingly gotten under my skin so easily. It wasn't until I was discussing the shooting with my boyfriend that the picture began to take shape.

Now, this is where it gets tricky for me to tie everything together, so please bear with me. What I was able to narrow down was the idea that these individuals died for seemingly no reason. Which then lead me to the series of questions I think everyone struggles with:

If there is a higher power (call it whatever you like) that has the ability to stop these things from happening, why do they still happen?

Is said higher power so committed to the idea of 'free will' that they are content to sit back and watch us kill each other?

If there is no higher power, or 'master plan' then why are we all here in the first place?

During various conversations with several people, I've found myself making the joke, "If someone had told me how hard it is living this way/being a pagan, I might have changed my mind about being one/living this way."

And while it is said in jest, there is a ring of truth to it. One thing that sets pagans apart from most other religions and philosophies is that if you don't identify with a specific branch such as Wicca or Druidry, just to provide examples, then you're pretty much on your own for figuring things out.

What's more is that as we continue to grow and learn, our perspectives change, and thus our beliefs can evolve right along with them.

I've been familiar with the idea of karma for a long time now, as most of us are. One new concept that I was introduced to a couple of years ago was the idea of soul contracts. The idea of soul contracts is tied into the idea of reincarnation, and from my perspective, takes it one step further.

Reincarnation is the belief that you live more than once, and in doing so, part of that process is that you work towards freeing yourself from karmic debt. The main idea being that if you're here, it's because you have karmic debt, so don't worry too much about being the odd one out. I do feel that there is more to it than that, but in the interest of staying on topic, I will digress for the time being.

Now, soul contracts are the belief that before you come into this world again, you agree on what you are going to experience in this life time. That includes the good and the not so good. You make agreements with every other individual you encounter and you agree to the extent of your interaction with them.

Believe me, when I first heard about this concept, I was not a fan-at all. Why on earth would you agree to go through potentially horrible things?

But then I remembered past conversations about some of the struggles I've been through, especially those which contributed to my PTSD. I've said multiple times that even though those times were hard, that despite it all, I wouldn't go back and change anything about my life - for the simple reason that it's made me who I am. During those conversations I've also said that if my painful experiences are able to help others in one form or another, then they are completely worth it.

I took a moment to try and fit all of these potentially separate thoughts together because there seemed to be a connection there, I just had to find it.

The more I thought on it, the more I realized that I was going to really have to be open to any answers that might be waiting for me to come across. Perhaps even answers that I didn't necessarily like. I tried to look at things on a grander scale versus just me in my own little world.

I looked back on history and began to think...There has been so much violence, so much war, so many deaths, so many injustices; until someone said enough was enough, until someone said that we as people are better than this, so why are we not doing better?

It's horrible and upsetting to think that we need so much tragedy to make positive change, that we need such a major push. But what do we call the people who commit these monstrosities? Well, the answer is right there; we call them monsters, we call them animals.

We as people like to think that we're at the top of the food chain, and somehow we're better than every other species on the planet - but what makes us so? That we know the difference between right and wrong, that we're vastly intelligent, that we have a verbal language?

We are animals at our core. The one true thing that sets us apart from every other species is that we have the ability and the choice to become better than what we are. We have the opportunity to become enlightened and what's more to share our journeys to enlightenment.

Not all of us choose, there are some who blatantly stick to their guns, and remain savage.

But why? Why would you choose to take that route? Is it simply because that's the price we pay for being human? Or is something bigger than that? Does it have something to do with this higher power, this Universe that is based on balance that requires such things?

Being that I am here to have a human experience, means that somewhere along the line I agreed that I wouldn't have all of the answers.

I cannot begin to fathom what the 'bigger picture' is and I cannot say with any certainty that I will ever truly understand, and I believe that if I did know it would defeat the purpose of me being here at all.

I feel as though I do know what my purpose is for this life, if perhaps only one aspect of it. And rather than drive myself crazy trying to figure out why people do the things that they do, or fool myself into thinking that the most recent victims of a mass shooting died without reason, I like to think that before they arrived for this life, they agreed to die when they did.

Maybe it was to work off some karmic debt; maybe it was to help inspire someone they knew into accomplishing something they might not have otherwise; maybe it was to bring awareness to gun violence, and by extension be a part of the solution and to help be the a contributing factor to the question: how many more innocent people have to die before we make appropriate changes?

Regardless of their reasons for doing so, I find it to make much more sense and to believe that their purpose was fulfilled in the time that they had here.

As I said before, the idea I just shared does provide comfort. It doesn't take away from the devastation, or sense of loss, or the frustration that is being felt - no more than it does when people say, "it was just their time to go or the Lord/Jesus/God decided to bring them home."

I truly believe that there are lessons out there in very situation, most often the valuable lessons are learned in the most painful of times. No one said that life was going to be easy, but isn't it the trials that makes us push ourselves and evolve into the best versions of who we are?

My heart goes out to all of those who were affected by this event. I will be honoring those that passed in the shooting during Samhain, but not just those who passed in Roseburg, but any and all who have been the victims of senseless gun violence.

I would encourage all of you to do the same; honor them, acknowledge that their time here and their passing was not in vain, thank them for their contribution to creating a better world. Changes are being made, even if we here on Earth can't see them yet.

I would like to take a moment and say that I normally do not get political here, and while I cannot promise that I will not in the future, I will say this - for me it comes down to the fact that the system we have is not working; our loved ones, our country men and women, our children are suffering because of it, so let's do what what needs to be done for the highest good of all, and change things.

For those who stayed with me and read this entire article, I want to thank you. The topics discussed here were probably no easier to read about than they were to write about.

If you are in the midst of exploring what you believe when it comes to life, death, and the after life, I would encourage you to do some research into what rings truest for you. And never be afraid to take your time developing what you believe, and never feel like you have to justify what it is that you believe.

This is your path, this is your journey, this is your life. Make the most of it, and hold those you love close to you.

I would like to leave you with one final thought.

Throughout my relatively short life, my beliefs have been all across the map. From atheist, to agnostic, to christian, to pagan, and of course some nooks and crannies in between. There were times that I believed in everything and times when I believed in nothing; with one exception.

For the majority of my time here I believed in one thing - that there is a reason for everything. We might not like the reason, we might think it's a stupid reason, we might not know what the reason is right away, we might never know what the reason is. But there is always a reason.

Sending you and yours light and love,

Thealynn

©2013-2015 Thealynn