I'll be mentioning several things in this post, links will be included if you want to check anything out for yourself. I realize that this post might seem a little scattered, and I promise that I will clear up the mysteries, but for now I just feel that it is important to get this out!
I just finished up my first monthly ritual with the wonderful members of Sage Goddess. I won't get into all of the details in this posting because I would never go to sleep if I attempted that, and any readers probably wouldn't either if they attempted to read the whole thing-SO! In the interest of trying to keep things cohesive, I'll do my best to sticking with the highlights.
A couple of weeks before Samhain, I felt a strong calling from some of the 'darker goddesses' Morgan and Hecate to turn in and start working on sweeping out the cobwebs of my shadow self, and confront what I found there. At first the idea really freaked me out because, hello! I leave my shadow self alone for a reason! But as I felt my world starting to shift once again, I realized that the best thing I could do for myself was to do as directed.
I certainly did not jump in mind you, we've got three months in the darkest part of the year, which to me means that I have three months to work on not only figuring out how to approach my shadow self, but to also work on my shadow self.
Samhain came and went, and before I knew it, it was only a couple of weeks until Thanksgiving. Rather than spending one day being thankful, I spent one week posting once a day about something in my life I was grateful for. The major thing that I wanted to express gratitude for, was all of the people who have been in my life, regardless of the impact they made-good or bad.
Doing so allowed me to sort of hone in on the other side of that coin, which helped me to connect with my shadow self. Now, I knew that the December ritual through Sage Goddess was coming up because I'd been a part of the Facebook page for several months. I had never done a ritual with Sage Goddess before, but this month seemed different. The theme for this month was on Inner Peace, and the ritual was to take place on the night of the full moon. The ideal time to RELEASE all of the things that no longer serve us.
Originally I did not intend to take part in the ritual, but as we got closer to the date, and the more work I was doing with my spirit, I began to realize how much I would benefit from participating.
Part of what I had done the day before was purchase an ebook of Your Shinning Year work book from Leonie Dawson. I was inspired to take the plunge from a plucky Youtuber that I had been subscribed to for a couple of years. She had mentioned it before in years past, and has been able to drastically turn her life towards the positive by using the work book.
With all of the work I was going for myself and with myself I slowly began to feel that 2015 was going to be my greatest year yet. But in order to make that happen, I had to be serious about the changes I was going to make, and the number one way I was going to do that, was to face the biggest obstacle that I had been avoiding.
Which was fear.
It took me a little while to fully understand which was frustrating, but accepting the truth about how long I had been living with fear was heartbreaking. I was determined to use that to motivate my desire for change.
I made vows to myself that 2014 would be the last year of fear. While I was careful to not discredit or to lessen the value of the progress that I have made in these last couple of years, I also felt called to truly face my fear.
WHAT A HUGE STEP FOR ME.
I felt myself moving forward and slowly releasing things that I didn't even know that I was still holding on to, and in that process I also began to release things that I'd had a death grip on. It wasn't long before I decided that by the end of 2014 I wanted to forgive each and every person who had caused me hurt, and that I was going to forgive myself for all of the hurt that I have caused.
ANOTHER HUGE STEP!
With all of these goals moving forward, and being completed, I finally felt the walls and resistance breaking to deal with the number one thing that caused fear in my life. Not only did I face it, I asked for help in conquering it.
SHE DID WHAT????
I don't want to spend too much time on this, but I will say that I am a Capricorn, and while I am possibly one of the most laid back Capricorns I have ever met-I still have pride. Which is what is at the core of my shadow self.
Doing each and every one of these things at my own pace, and doing it solely for myself has been such an amazing, and terrifying experience, I almost feel woozy because of the energy I feel, and how much weight that has been lifted!
I kind of wonder if Air signs feel like they're always floating...I honestly feel like I'm a couple of days away from Marry Poppins-ing it.
Fast forward to the Full Moon Ritual. I gathered what I felt I needed for the ritual. Candles, stones, sage, incense, I put on my pentacle and signet ring, and I was ready to go! There were several parts of the hour we spent together, one of which was a guided meditation. After the ritual I shared part of my experience on the Facebook page, and thought it would be easiest to just bring part of that here:
"I pulled several stones that I felt called to, and during the meditation, was called by my guides to release all but two, so I did. When I came around I looked to see what had stayed, it was a clear quartz point and my green moonstone-I started crying!
I have been working on my spirit so much these last several weeks, and to have such amazing confirmations and to feel all of the healing and love that I am surrounded by is so amazing.
For the last twelve years I have wobbled back and forth on whether I believed this in my heart, and after tonight I will never question it again. This is my soul's truth, my path and my future lies in educating people about the real truth in what and who we are (for me it's being a pagan), spreading tolerance, and helping those are need of guidance and healing."
With such a powerful experience I am filled to the brim with moonlight. I am not even outside, and I can feel the rays washing through me like the waves of the ocean when the tide is in, carrying away all of the negativity, regrets, resentment, anger, and fear.
I am overjoyed, and excited for this to be a part of my fresh start. Writing is a soul purpose for me, and I am almost ready to cry again because of how happy I am finding this passion again.
Now, I have previous posts here that I am purposefully leaving up because they do have value as part of my previous journeys on this path, and I don't want to get rid of them just yet. I am going to need to decided if I want to keep this blog the way it is, or start a brand new one.
My intention when I started a spiritual blog was to help record my experiences with the full intention of sharing them with others, but I don't think I was fully ready yet, I was searching for definitions in my path and not so much focused on just walking it.
I titled it the way I did feeling secretive about my journey and wanting to keep it hush hush. Well, if my soul's purpose is anything like what I mentioned above, that won't do. Whether I make a whole new blog, or recycle this one, I will be naming it Sacred Steps on a Sacred Journey.
I would write more here, but I have a solo ritual that I would like to get done. Being a full time student means that I have finals coming up also, which means I need to STUDY!
As I said before, links will be below, and I will try to post again in the next couple of days. If things keep manifesting I might not have a choice!
In love and light,
Thealynn
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