Hey there my dears,
It's been a fast few weeks since I wrote last, and so much has changed. I've thought about sitting down and writing more than once, but felt at a loss for words. In addition there has also been a series of events that all tied together, and I felt that it might be easier if I took the time to write about them all at once. It would also provide me with the opportunity to simply live what was taking place rather than trying to analyze and depict what I was thinking and feeling for every little piece, which I knew I would end up doing if I decided not to wait.
Over the last six months, give a few weeks, I have been essentially holding my breath. I've written more than once about how excruciating the waiting process has been and even though I am still waiting, at least I am waiting for something else now.
Back in September I got a call from the District Attorney informing me that the police report had been reviewed and that the next step in the process would be to present the case to a grand jury. So, on October 17th, I appeared before a grand jury to testify in my own case. These seven men and women who had never seen my face or known my name were given the task of deciding if my story had enough merit to continue on.
I remember calling my boyfriend full of panic and relief at the same time. This is what I had been waiting for, for months. I spent the next couple of hours calling my family to share the news, and gently tell them to go about their usual routines that day because I couldn't bare the thought of any additional pressure.
Once at the courthouse I met with the attorney representing me, she was very kind and explained to me what I could expect from the experience. The officer who had filed the report and taken my statement was also there to testify which gave me a greater sense of ease. The advocate from victim's assistance was also present, for which I was grateful as my supportive boyfriend would have at least the option of company.
My testimony was shorter than I thought it would be, and at one point I wondered if perhaps I should have been more specific with certain details, but when the officer exited the conference room in roughly the same amount of time, I felt the tension release by a small fraction.
It was then that the jury would deliberate and come to a decision. I recall sitting in a small waiting room holding onto my boyfriends hand and thinking that this was the moment of truth. I began to panic thinking that I should have given them more information, I should have given them details, I should have let myself be emotional rather than the almost eerie composure that I had somehow managed to conjure up.
As much as I panicked I also reassured myself that even if I personally hadn't convinced them, that there had to be something that the officer shared that would help them make the right decision. I had come so far in putting my life back together again, there was no way I was could fall of the wagon now.
I can't say for certain how long they deliberated, I just remember trying not to cry before I even knew the answer. And my sweet partner, never letting go of my hand as I fidgeted and sighed, was silent and strong for me while we waited.
When the door opened, and I was told their decision, I was so deep into my own mind that I didn't understand the first time the words were spoken. Shocked, I asked them to be repeated, and simply nodded at first.
The jury had sided with me, they were moving forward with the case, and the next step would be to arrest my attacker. I was told that such things can take some time for necessary paperwork, but that it would be within the next two weeks, and that I would be told when it was done. I was given a brief description that would come after, and that I would be informed every step of the way.
I thanked the advocate for their time and support and that I looked forward to hearing from them soon. I took a moment to shake hands with my attorney and with the officer and genuinely thanked them both before heading back to the elevator as I didn't trust my feet with stairs.
I didn't even wait for the doors to open before embracing my partner in relief, but it wasn't until we reached the car that the news really began to sink in. By this time we were both crying with relief and gratitude and hope.
Roughly ten days later I received a phone call from the same officer that he had just arrested my attacker, and that he was secured in prison. Another waved of relief and this time it hit me harder. It was only after I received that phone call that any of it felt real, that I felt safe enough to really cry and to take in a deep breath.
More good news came just a few short days later when I learned of his arraignment and his bail. More reassurance that my attacker is going to stay exactly where he is, at least for now. As trial dates are set and negotiations begin, things can change and shift, but at least for the next couple of months, I can rest a little easier, breath a little deeper, and smile a little more freely.
By no means is this journey over, but so much was accomplished in just a few short weeks. It's hard for me not to be optimistic, or hopeful and I will admit that I am wary of becoming unrealistic, but after all that has happened, I think I deserve to celebrate these victories. I do deserve to rejoice in the righteousness and justice that have been delivered.
There is still waiting to be done and there is still a very real possibility that this is how far it will go. But it could have ended two weeks ago in that room with those seven strangers. For my own sake, I choose to believe that justice will continue to be served, I choose to believe that he will pay for his crimes, and I choose to embrace happiness and joy to the utmost of my ability.
Samhain is in a few short days, and with that comes the whirlwind of the holidays theoretically designated to help us focus on what we are blessed with.
I already know what I am grateful for this year, and as I continue to heal and to better my life, I will cherish those people who have believed in me and supported me through the worst circle of hell I have yet to experience.
September may have been the longest month of my life, but October has certainly been this year's saving grace.
Never forget that you are strong, and that you are worth every happiness my dears. Some times you just have to fight for them.
Brightest Blessings to you and yours,
Thealynn
©2013-2016 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf
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