PSA: Sexual Assault is Not a Privilege

There is something that some people simply don’t understand about sexual assault; from those who are attempting to run our country to the people that we work with, friends and family members, even people in line at the grocery store seem to either be drowning in their silence, or are so deafening in their denial that they drown out the cries for not simply justice, but mere acknowledgement.

What is it about sexual assault that simply doesn’t carry weight? When did ‘rape’ become a hot button word that doesn’t actually mean anything any more? Why is it that some people seem to think that there is something to be gained by being a survivor of sexual assault?

Being a survivor of sexual assault is not a privilege, but receiving justice for the crime that was committed against you sure seems to be. In 2016 only an estimated twenty-three percent of sexual assault crimes were reported. I do not feel privileged to be a part of that twenty-three percent. I did not receive a prize for being one in three individuals who reported my attacker. There was no award granted to me because my rapist was one of six out of one hundred to be incarcerated.

I shouldn’t have to count myself lucky because I was believed and supported by my loved ones. I shouldn’t have to feel fortunate that I worked with trauma informed, compassionate, dedicated law enforcement and a competent, straightforward legal team. From beginning to its legal end, my nightmare lasted approximately ten months. And while it’s been almost two and a half years since the night I was assaulted, I am reminded every single day, every where I go, that I am one of the ‘fortunate’ because my rapist is behind bars.

My attacker is not on the national news, he doesn’t hold an office, nor did he have money to try and buy my silence. But I see him every time I go online, look at a newspaper, or connect with another survivor. We are not few and far between; we are in every neighborhood, every school, every office, every store, on every street and there are more and more of us by the day.

Where as those of us whom are not even enough to be considered a conquest, are discarded without even a seconds thought as to what our name is or was. We do not have the privilege of going back to back to our lives as if nothing has changed. Our own bodies become a constant reminder of how we failed, how we brought this on ourselves, or that we simply didn’t matter enough to be listened to, that we weren’t,  aren’t real people, that we are so much less than those who attacked us because we must have done something to earn this violation.

These are just the lies that we are fed from the time we are young, these are the lies that come with the shame and fear and desperate desire to have a reason for what happened to us. Because it is proven, over and over and over again that the only reason we were attacked, was because of the decision that our attackers have made. But that’s not good enough, is it? Just like we are not good enough to be believed, even when we arrive in numbers, with the same stories, the same bruises, the same cry for help. Why aren’t we good enough?

It’s not enough that we are reminded daily, even hourly of our experience through every piece of media that comes our way. Many of us will spend the rest of our lives working through our experiences, spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on our mental and emotional health while our abusers spend their money forgetting we ever existed.

And what about the men? Where are all of the men who are the partners, the parents, the friends, the coworkers of survivors? Where is their outrage? Where is their voice? Why do we never hear from those whose loved one(s) are survivors?

Do not mistake me. I am not here to call out those who have survived, who are surviving that are not speaking out - because you should not have to. You, nor anyone else should ever be pushed into a position to bare their scars and relive their trauma to convince anyone of anything. And yet we have to, don’t we? We aren’t even given that choice. It’s the price we must pay for a glimpse of a glimmer of potential justice, and that is what most of us ever see.

Because the men and women who have been elected to protect and promote our interests and our safety as occupants of this country have already had their silence purchased by companies who profit off of the crimes committed against the very constituents who put them in a position of power to begin with.

When we have a self-proclaimed ‘pussy grabber’ as our nation’s leader, who then in turn has the ability to appoint others like him - those who disregard others, who put not even a sliver of an ounce of remorse, those who hide behind the infamous “I don’t recall…” who believe that their stature, their money, their name will keep them safe - there are no consequences, there’s simply another check to write.   

There is no club card, no secret handshake, no password that is provided as a consolation for joining the hundreds of thousands of people who will never not be a survivor again. You can easily look up statistics for yourself, you can read other people’s stories, and I guarantee you that if you are brave enough to ask, that someone you care for has their own experience that they could tell you about.

This is not about political parties, this is not about money, this is not about getting fifteen minutes of fame, and this is not about ‘ruining men’s lives.’ This is about perceived entitlement, this is about apprehended privilege, this is about the lack of accountability, this is about doing the right thing and proving that justice is equal to impartiality not a skin color or an oversized wallet.

The fact that we are well into the twenty first century and we are still allowing for mistakes of generations past is not only deplorable, but it’s heartbreaking. How do we explain to our grandchildren and their children that we couldn’t seem to find a way to  fix a clearly damaged system? I suppose we could tell them it was because we were simply too busy playing golf.

Away But Not Gone

Hello my lovely readers,

It has been too long since I've sat down in this space and called to the Spirits of Inspiration. The written word has always been so close to my heart and has served in the most difficult times of my life.

However, writing has simply not been my medium for some time. I've longed for it, and I am sure it has longed for me in return but we have been two passing ships in the night and have not managed to come together to create as we used to.

That is not to say that I am done with the blog, or that I am done writing, it's simply that my creative energy is manifesting in other ways at present and I wanted to visit our space at least one more time to assure any and all who come here that I am not gone.

I have simply started a journey of different means, and I am doing my utmost to honor that call. Almost a year ago I created a Facebook group with the intention of holding a safe and sacred space for those who sought sanctuary or simply looking for a space to commune with like minded souls.

I have also been attempting to be more active through other means of social media, mostly through Instagram. Sharing photos of my goings on including when I do readings for the group, and occasionally some of my personal readings.

I want to invite you to join us, and to keep in touch. I cannot say when I will be back writing regularly here, but I am live in our group at least once a week. I would love to see you there.

Shakti's Circle

If you're more of a passive individual and would rather get a feel for me first, here is the link to my Instagram account.

Instagram

If this is the first time you've come across my blog, or if you're a long time reader, the invitation is the same. If there is anything you wish to connect on or if you're curious about anything I may have written about here, please feel free to reach out to me personally, I would love to hear from you.

Wish you the best,

~Thealynn

Observing Deity

Good day loves,

Today I wanted to take a look at deity and how I found myself observing and honoring what I believe to be a Higher Power.

This has always be one of the trickiest topics for me to explain my views on, mostly due to the fact that my beliefs have been so fluid. That being said, I think I have found a way to explain my thoughts and beliefs regarding such.

I do want to acknowledge that when I first began exploring different ideologies around that of a Higher Power, I struggled. As some of you may already know, I was raised in a Christian household. Although my mother would swing from utterly devout to utterly silent on the matter, it's safe to say that I grew up in church. My grandparents were the basis for that, and they expected that we of the younger generation be raised in the same manner.

Regardless, when I began exploring pagan beliefs, I started with Wicca because it seemed the safest starting point. Leaving the Christian god behind wasn't so difficult for me as I never felt much of a connection, but accepting a different god wasn't necessarily easy.

Acknowledging and accepting a goddess was a challenge, mostly due to residual fear revolving around that whole Hell situation. In time, I moved beyond that fear as I slowly came be to believe that Hell was not a real place, and we can always talk more about that a little later.

That wasn't the only struggle I faced as I attempted to navigate this new way of belief. Even though I grew up in my mother's household, we never managed a healthy relationship, which I explore and discuss in several other articles.

Much like the trouble I had in connecting with the Christian god, as I spent most of my years without a father figure (also a topic I have discussed previously.) I didn't personally have a strong parental foundation in which to draw inspiration or really any kind of connection to.

There was an even bigger factor that took some time to face, perhaps it's something that you can relate to - Obligation versus Desire.

Obligation; the idea that I had to follow Christianity, the obligation of the debt that was supposed to have been erased when Jesus sacrificed himself, the obligation that if I didn't live my life in such a way would result in my ultimate damnation...even though I was supposed to have been forgiven regardless...

It was a bit easier for me to identify these things because they came with the resentment I felt towards my upbringing and my parents as they were responsible for said upbringing, or lack thereof.

The desire was a bit trickier to unpack. Up until this point in my life, I hadn't regarded goddesses of any kind as more than mythological characters which back then for me equated to fictional characters.

Viewing the goddess as a loving mother who understood life because she herself had lived it, and didn't want or expect anything from me? But who was there for me regardless? Without expectation?

The desire to believe in what ultimately came down to unconditional love, and the freedom to be who and what ever I might be was really all I had ever wanted in a mother. Slowly be surely I began to embrace her, in tidbits that didn't scare away my tender heart and fragile grasp on what I thought I might have fractionally understood.

The Goddess was something entirely new and yet familiar, something in me began to stir, and I adopted what one would consider the Wiccan way of viewing deity.

The Goddess; Mother of all, kind and sweet but strong and sure. I viewed the God as Her consort, and while I heard folks when they expressed the balance between the two, I felt comfortable focusing on the Goddess alone.

Fast-forward a bit and I felt more secure recognizing them as parental figures and held them at the same level of importance. I still called on the Goddess more frequently, but after a time, I found myself calling on the God for different reasons.

As I became more comfortable working with the energy of the masculine and the feminine, I started broadening my view and looking at different pantheons. For a time I considered myself a polytheist as I couldn't quiet wrap my mind around the different gods and goddesses being so distinctive and yet somehow also be the same.

I could see how they all came from the same Universal Energy, if you will, but not be the same energy through and through, they were just too different.

I never settled on a patron or matron deity as I simply felt that I would be limiting myself in some way, besides the fact that I had just started on this path, back then I couldn't help but wonder how it would work calling on say Hecate when I was pledged to Brigid. It was just too big of a leap for me back then.

Flash forward to today.

In my previous piece titled Being Pagan, I mentioned that for a time I have considered myself a Spiritualist. My focus had turned away from recognizing or even working with most forms of deity, save for a couple, and in working with these goddess, I focused on their energy rather than on them as a whole.

And I feel that in doing so, I have found the best way to explain how I now find myself viewing deity.

Let's start from what I consider to be the top:

There's the Universal Energy, Great Spirit, Creator - whichever name you choose to give it. The energy that begins and ends all in the same breath, Source Energy if you will.

I would break that down into Masculine and Feminine characteristics because we as human are able to relate to and understand those two aspects. So this is where I would recognize the God and Goddess. Equal in all things, they compliment each other and stem from the same Source but manifest in different ways.

Next we find the different pantheons from all over the globe. Every civilization has their own 'versions' if you will, when it comes to gods and goddess. Where I found myself struggling, and this is in large part due to my monotheistic upbringing, was choosing one. Somewhere along my journey I had in my mind the idea that even though I did not have a matron or patron deity, that I would need to choose one pantheon, one region of the world where I grounded myself into their gods and goddesses. As this was not something I was able to do, I thought the answer to my struggles lay else where.

Beyond that we have Archetypes. As my path grew and changed, different times in my life felt as though different energies were being called into play, as too were the deities I worked with. As I learned about different gods and goddesses, much like anyone would, I began to see similarities between the pantheons. Which led me to wonder once again about the imaginary lines between True Source and what True Source creates, which led me to look into archetypes.

Now, Dictionary.com defines an archetype as:

the original pattern or model from which all things of the same kind are copied or on which they are based; a model or first form;prototype.

While I see the importance of archetypes, and how powerful and how helpful they can be, I started getting dizzy going down the rabbit hole of attempting to figure out 'the first of its kind' when it came to specific forms of deity that manifested in my life.

I realize that not everyone struggles with such, and that working with archetypes is really the most effective method for them to connect, but I learned quickly that when it came to my own personal experience, it just wasn't the best route for me.

I admittedly have only worked with a handful of deities. And when I worked with said deities, they appeared to me as whole individual energy. I wasn't connecting solely with the Universal energy, there was something special and specific about the particular energy I was drawn to.

So, with all of that being said, what do I believe?

Simply put, all of it.

I believe that Source Energy has been creating ways for us to connect more profoundly, more deeply, perhaps even more easily through specific deity. I believe that every god and goddess has value and meaning, and do for very good reason.

For a long time I thought I had to choose one specific way of believing, but the truth was in front of me all along. The fluidity that I possess to connect with Spirit in whichever form It comes in, is my strength, not a mark in the column for other's to use against me when I choose not to definitively say in one way or another.

Because for me, it all connects in the end anyway.

Image from evolvedinthelight.webs.com

Until next time my dears,

~Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Looking for community? Come join our Facebook group, Shakti's Circle! Hope to see you there!

Down the Rabbit Hole

Hey there everyone,

I'll be honest. I've been thinking about this for the last twenty-four hours; trying to process, trying to let it sink in, waiting to see if somehow an expected metaphorical shoe would drop.

To be even more honest, I'm not sure that there is a shoe. Unless, I was the shoe.

My anxiety, my doubt, my fear that one more thing would keep me stagnate, that would keep me locked into the past that I was so fiercely trying to separate myself from.

Let's back up for a minute. *deep breath in*

In May of 2016, I was drugged and raped by an ex-boyfriend. I spent the next year working with the legal system, and multiple professionals to help me get my life back on track.

One year ago, my attacker accepted a plea deal that I helped to define, and in a flash it was like my journey took a sharp turn, and I had no idea what direction I was supposed to go in. My entire focus and purpose up until that point was getting justice, getting closure - winning. Winning by doing the utmost within my ability to live the best life I possibly could every single day; I didn't care what 'my best' looked like from day to day, as long as I knew that I had tried.

I spent a few months continuing to hold my breath because I just couldn't believe that it was over. So, what was next? What did living my best life even look like? I had spent so long striving to reach a destination and all of a sudden I was there.

I started getting what I thought were signs from the Universe of what I was supposed to do, what I was supposed to learn about, the general direction that I was supposed to go in. Only problem was, I wasn't ready to go anywhere yet.

For the first time in a year, I could breath...I could sleep soundly, I was in essence, free. I was also exhausted. I was tapped, I was spent, I was completely drained, and it took me longer than I would like to admit to realize that what I needed more than anything, was to rest.

What I didn't understand at the time was that those signs that I was being given, they were things that I was capable of accomplishing; these snidbit flashes, these keyhole visions were like little gifts of what I could look forward to. But I had spent so long putting every last bit of energy I had into this one piece of my journey, necessary as it was, that I didn't remember how not to live that way.

By the time half the year had gone by I felt like I had been trying to run a marathon without hydrating. I was deflated, discouraged, and disillusioned about what my purpose was, and what's more, how in the hell I was going to get there.

By December, I was outright depressed. My life was on autopilot, and I didn’t know how to turn it off. I could hear a voice calling out, wanting so desperately to be head, but it was so far away…

It wasn’t until the 24th, when I spent the day with my partner, warming ourselves with our first fire in our fireplace, wrapping all of the gifts, and watching all manner of holiday movies that I felt that shell begin to crack. The magic of Yuletide and the love and support of my partner sparked a sense of wonder in me. In a single week, the year would be over, I would be another year older, and I felt an unmistakable freedom in that small window of time.

One afternoon as I was resting, I felt myself being gentle pulled into a form of meditation. It was more akin to a shamanic journey that anything else, something I hadn’t done in years as I typically reserve such things for only the specialist of occasions.

Without going into the depth of the experience, I will say that more than one truth came through to meet me. Among those truths, a voice asked me, “Are you ready?”

This question echoed in my mind for weeks afterwards, and of course I hesitated in answering because the more I heard the echo, the more weight the words carried.

“Are you ready?”

Ready for what? How could I answer honestly if I didn’t have the answer to the question itself?

On January 23rd, I submitted an application to volunteer with a local non-profit that focuses on helping victims of sexual assault. This past Friday, February 22nd, I was offered a spot in the next training class for volunteers.

For almost a year, I have been trying to decipher how I am supposed to show up in the world. I’ve known for some time that I am not here to bide my time, and enjoy the ride. I am here to help create sustainable, positive change. I am here to upset the status quo, get our world back on track, and help remind people that they are powerful as shit. To remind people that they can do whatever they put their heart and soul into, to be and do and go, whoever, whatever, wherever they want. That they deserve happiness and success and love and joy and peace - because fuck, don’t we all?

In 2017, I learned that trust and surrender are not synonymous, but that they can support each other. In 2017, I learned that self-care is more than that just surface level, and that even the people whom we wish we could expel from our lives sometimes have valuable lessons to teach us.

Being willing to be comfortable in the quiet, being willing to listen to what we need to hear instead of what we want to hear will make the journey so much less harsh, and that stress should never be a default setting.

In 2018, I am learning to expect miracles. I am learning where my boundaries are, and to trust myself when I feel like they are not being respected, by myself included. In 2018, I am learning to trust my gut and surrender the reins rather than trying to rush the process.

Because magic happens in the quiet. Magic happens when we give our dreams space to grow and air to breathe. Magic happens when we believe, and simply let it be.

So, tribe. :)

If you feel like your struggling, or that something isn’t happening fast enough, or that something isn’t happening at all. Take a breath, close your eyes, and reach out to the Universe, a higher power, your higher self.

Open up a dialogue about why you may be nervous or frustrated or afraid or angry, and just let it all out. Once all of that stuff is out of the way, it allows your heart and soul desires room to breath and stretch. Give yourself the compassion and understanding that you would give someone else, and allow what you believe in your soul to be true, to hold you and reassure you that the wheels are turning, that things are happening, even if we can’t see them yet.

Tribe, once again, I am humbled to be among you, and I hope (as long as this was) that there was a nugget or two that resonated with you. I hope that this comforts, inspires, reminds us that we are badass, even on days when we don’t feel that way.

I also want to extend the invitation to our Facebook group, Shakti's Circle which serves as a virtual temple space and community for spiritually inclined individuals, regardless of your path or where you might be on it.

Brightest blessings to all of you. <3

Until next time,

~Thealynn


©2013-2018 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Imbolc and the Festival of Lights

Hello lovies,

I am very excited about this turn of the wheel, for it is so close to Imbolc I can feel it in my bones! This is a holiday celebrated usually the first or second of February, this year it falls on the second.

Imbolc or Imbolg depending on what part of the world you are from (or even how you learned the name) is the first of the spring celebrations in the Wheel of the Year.

Imbolc was the celebrated as the first signs of spring were beginning to appear. It was a time to celebrate the return of the sun, and the beginning of the end of the winter season. Because of Imbolc's connection with the Sun, Brigid/Brighid/Brigit is a common deity to work with during this holiday. Although there is no saying that you couldn't work with any Sun deity; Mithra, Apollo, Ra, etc.

Imbolc is of Celtic origins, and in Gaelic the word 'Imbolc' translates to "in the belly." This is a great metaphor for those who celebrate the wheel. In a sense we have been hibernating, focusing on our shadowself, staying low to the ground. As Imbolc approaches we are preparing to come back to our lighter selves.

No matter how harsh the winter, there is a light at the end. Whether you take it literally or metaphorically, it sends a very powerful message.

I mentioned Brighid briefly in my For the Love of Imbolc post, but I didn't really tell you much about her. Brighid is the Celtic goddess of hearth and home, she is patron to poets and bards, healers and magicians. It is also said that she was honored when it came to prophecy and divination. Because she has two sisters who share her name, she has the qualities of the triple goddess aspect.

Brigid/Brigit was such a popular figure in Ireland that when Christianity finally spread to Ireland that rather then trying to rid the land of her, Christians adopted her as a Saint, and she even got to keep her holiday, which is still observed today.

Because a similar holiday was celebrated throughout what we now know as the United Kingdom, Imbolc has gone by many names and is still celebrated all over the island. Some other names you might come across are Candlemas, Feast of Brigit, Oimele, Festival of Milk, Wives' Feast Day, St. Brigid's Day; just to name a few.

To celebrate this holiday people would put candles in every doorway and window and keep them lit all day long as a way to encourage the Suns return. Today while that might not be safe, people opt it simply leave all of their lights on all day, it might not be financially frugal so I prefer to burn yellow candles. Other colors that are popular during this time are light green, white, pink and brown.

 One of my favorite books to read around this time is called Candlemas Feast of Flames by Amber K and Azrael Arynn K. This book is chalk full of history of the character of Brigid in her many capacities and also explores the history of Brigid as well. The book also includes season crafts and games that you can do with the family, history of festivals and traditions that you can incorporate for your celebration, and of course recipes!

Some of the more common crafts that you'll see around this time of the year are Brighid's Cross, Brighid Corn Doll and Brighid's Bed, click the links for easy instructions on how to. One recipe I found that I am really excited to try is called Imbolc Butter Cake.

As I was browsing for other recipes for this holiday, I stumbled upon another blog called Greenhaven: A Pagan Tradition and they have an awesome page for recipes, be sure to check them out!

Please stay tuned as I will soon be posting on what exactly the Wheel of the Year is, what the different holidays are, and their dates for this year, as well as a few extra goodies.

May Brighid keep you safe and warm during these last weeks of winter.

Many blessings to you and yours,

Thealynn

©2013-2015 Thealynn

Being a Pagan

Greetings my dears,

In my last article I spoke about going back to the foundation of my practice, not only to regain clarity for moving forward, but as a means of setting my path for the following year. 

I made a handy little list for myself as these things often come to me at once and like everyone else, I have a myriad of life distractions, so this topic of Going Back to Basics may become a series of some sort. I have no intentions for it to specifically go in that direction, but we'll let it unfold on it's own. 

In the mean time, I spent some time over the last day or so wondering what exactly would be the most sensible place to begin such a discussion. Then it occurred to me, more than anything else, shouldn't I know and understand what exactly this path means to me?

For the past couple of years I felt myself moving away from connecting with the title of pagan and what that really meant for me. I felt more connected to the Universe as a whole and considered myself more of a 'spiritualist' if you will.

Not that I am moving away from that title either, but I am trying to define some sort of structure that I feel like I have been lacking, which I believe has played a part in feeling disconnected all around. As I am attempting to go back the the roots of my beliefs, let's start with identifying as a pagan.

But what does being a pagan mean to me?

For me personally, it does not mean giving power to stereotypes, nor does it give me free license to rebel against my family members who don't view the world as I do. It doesn't mean that I am against men and solely support women. It doesn't mean that I don't respect current law or that I resent the restrictions of my previous beliefs.

Being a pagan means that I honor myself in all things. It means that I listen to my heart and follow my intuition even if it might lead me down a difficult path. It means that I don't shy away from the parts of myself that create challenges, it means that I show just as much patience and compassion to myself as I show to others.

It means not rushing through a lesson just because it makes me uncomfortable.

Being a pagan means that I do my best to take the time to see myself in all things, and all things in me.

To me, being a pagan means that I also see the divine in all things, and seeing the divine within myself. Being a pagan means that I honor and respect the Earth because without it, we would not be here, we would not be the us that we are now, today.

Being a pagan means taking ownership of my actions and responsibility for my mistakes. Being pagan means, that I understand that I have a duty to myself to never stop learning or growing. Being a pagan means that I allow myself mistakes so that I can keep learning and growing.

I understand that every one who identifies as a pagan is going to have their own answers, and I think that in and of itself is so beautiful. It provides contrast and space for different perceptions. It may provide something to aspire to, to work towards, to grow into.

It only seemed right to me to start in this place of exploration. To be honest I had a different topic in mind to begin with, but I think it will be a good second step.

I would love to hear from you and to know what being a pagan means to you. I also want to extend the invitation to our Facebook group, Shakti's Circle which serves as a virtual temple space and community for spiritually inclined individuals, regardless of your path or where you might be on it.

Be sure to take good care dear ones,

Until next time,

~Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Renewing My Practice

Hey there loves,

I don't know about any of you, but I have been noticing a sense of...emptiness when it comes to my spiritual practice. I've spoken before about the ups and downs of my focus or lack thereof in my daily practice and how it seems to come and go as if riding in and out with the tides. I will go through periods where every day, seemingly every moment I can possibly spare is spent on journaling, reading, thinking, meditating, practicing.

And gradually I will go for what feels like months of a dry spell (pardon the pun). My crystals go untouched, my sage goes un-burnt and it's like I've stepped into a magic free world.

I have spent years trying to determine why such a thing happens or the better question, why it happens so frequently. I've thought before that whenever significant change happens, that's usually a warning sign that things are about to go quiet for a time as I process and adjust.

And in some ways I suppose that's fair. Same goes for when depression makes an unwanted visit, I will spend months processing and working through it, some times not even noticing it because it becomes like a second nature.

But in all sincerity. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of going in and out with what I suppose you could call dedication. I am tired of going from feeling so connected, to struggling to reconnect. I'm tired of feeling lost in my own practice.

So I started asking myself some annoying to uncomfortable questions. For some time I have missed the feeling of having a physical mentor or guide to poke and prod at me with questions that I feel bashful answering because I know I can be doing better.

For the first time since I began my path and journey as a pagan I have felt the longing for fellowship in the form of a Circle or Coven. I've often craved structure for my practice and thought countless times how much different my practice might be if only I had others to help keep me moving and accountable.

Which of course then begged the question, why do I need someone else to keep me accountable? Why am I not sufficient in doing so?

The honest answer to that is: I have been lazy.

That's not to say that change doesn't require adjusting, and that life cannot be busy, that's just how life is. But what I am attempting to acknowledge about myself is that I have a tendency to turn my brain off as a means of relaxing via modern technology.

And that's not to say that using modern technology cannot be helpful. But drinking a glass of wine and putting on the latest Netflix whatever might not be the most helpful when it comes to being a productive practitioner.

Now, I have done a lot of emotional, mental and spiritual work this past year in particular. And I think I have begun to associate my practice with an extra load of personal work that I am not always keen on doing.

This is where it becomes a little tricky for me. I feel and have felt for a long time that this life for me, is about the work that I am here to do. Helping other people of their journey, breaking chains and cycles of my ancestors, showing others that they can do the same. But to do any of that, I have to be able to do so myself. And some days, I just don't think I have it in me.

I think part of the problem there is I have been hitting the ground running. I've stopped focusing on my foundation and have been struggling to reach some sort of 'next level' because my human ego tells me that because I can picture it, I should be there already.

Which I am sure that you can relate to, it becomes frustrating and discouraging, and personally, it makes me just want to throw my hands up and say, forget it!

Meanwhile my heart and soul are still craving that path, that journey, that learning. The achieving is all well and good, and of course they know this will come in time. The heart and the soul don't worry about they when, they care about the how.

Just a few short weeks ago I celebrated Samhain and welcomed in the energy of 2018. While I am no numerology expert, I try to follow the energy of the numbers and symbols as I believe they can serve as markers or guide posts. This year, 2017 when added up together equates to a 10 or a 1; a year of mastery and apprenticeship.

I was given and shown what I consider to be a significant amount of information about how my practice is going to eventually unfold. I was given different programs to offer, different workshops to teach, a lecture, I could go on. It was a so much information that I attempted to dive in feet first without any real idea of how to get things started.

That was six, seven months ago. Yet here I am, six weeks left of 2017 and I am finding the need to go back to basics. To really understand and define in a coherent manner what I believe, how I practice, what is it that I really want.

What is it that I really want?

This question had me stumped. For the most part, my life feels set, it feels solid, stable.

Things I have never experienced my adult life being, something that somehow always felt out of reach. Now that I'm standing here, I can sense the worry that one foot wrong could cause it all to come tumbling down. The difference between now and even one year ago is that I am solid, I am stable.

So, now that I know that I am such, and I trust that I am such, what do I do?

Well, after giving the question some genuine consideration and asking Spirit to guide me to the best course of action, the answer seems simple.

Go back to basics.

By giving myself a clean slate and a chance to start again, I feel like it takes the pressure out of picking up my practice. Which was originally going to be the title of this article. But as I've reread and edited this piece, I've realized that I am not picking up an old practice at all.

The emptiness I have been feeling has been more of a cleansing and continual releasing of the old to make space for a new practice.

By going back to basics, and approaching my path with a new sense of wonder and questions, I myself am approaching it as a new student, as a new initiate.

 It feels strangely appropriate to have come to this place of realization and renewal on the night of the new moon. The second to last new moon of 2017.

Earlier I mentioned the numerological significance of this being a 10/01 year. Again, I am a novice at best when it comes to Numerology, but the best that I can ascertain is that 2018 is going to be an 11 year versus resorting to a 2 year.

I have heard numerous times that 11 is a master number, and while I am not entirely sure what that means, from the research I've done it really sounds like 2018 is an energy that supports stepping into who you really are. 2018 sounds like it carries the energies for remarkable transformations and transmutation. 2018 sounds like it echos those opportunities that we've all been waiting for.

My dearest hope is to refocus my intention for this space and redirect it to a more informational tone. I am going to be rebuilding my practice from the ground up, and honestly, I couldn't be more excited or relieved.

I feel wonderful knowing that in this cycle of rest and remembrance, that I am given the gift of renewal. I so look forward to sharing with you what I come up with and how I will be honoring my path. These last five and a half years have really been about doing what I needed to do when I needed to do it to get by until the next disaster hit.

2018 is going to be the beginning of a whole new chapter for me. It's also going to be my Saturn Return year, so that will definitely be interesting. Stay tuned for that!

If you're curious about what else I am up to, I encourage you to come out check out our virtual temple via Facebook and join Shakti's Circle. I am hoping to launch some really fun events and readings in the group over the next year or so, or if you are just interested in community, we are excited to have you!

With that my dears, I am going to bid you all a fond farewell until next time, be sure to take good care.

~Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf