You know how some times in life you find yourself looking and waiting for signs? You've come to a crossroads, there is a fork in the road, or maybe you find yourself lacking a direction. Maybe you have a direction in mind but you don't know how to take that first step.
I have been experiencing that feeling for that last few days. A HUGE change occurred and it left me feeling strangely numb. Initially there was a wave of various emotions, some I found myself fighting. And I say that because they were what I consider to be knee-jerk reactions. It's our go to response before we are able to really express what lies beneath it.
I have spent a few days pondering the events that have lead me to my current place. I've spent this time trying to sit, and listen to my gut, to my guides-much like I have encouraged you to do. I have received guidance and counsel, and as I have done all of these things I remembered that not only is the New Moon upon us, but so is Imbolc.
I had originally planned on only publishing one post for this holiday, but I think it's also important to share with you my experiences and love for this turn of the wheel. I still fully intend to do a separate post about rituals, crafts and recipes you can do for this holiday, that will be coming soon.
For now though I want to focus a little bit more on how aligning yourself with the wheel can not only be helpful in your practice, but also a very moving experience. Imbolc is potentially my favorite of the eight holidays that populate the wheel of the year. Probably because I have had a strong connection to the goddess Brighid since I was about eight.
My folks had just gotten married and we moved into a new family home. At that age I had a hard time sleeping in new places, so even though I was excited about the move, I was nervous about adjusting to life there.
My first night didn't start off too bad, but I was anxious enough to have trouble falling asleep. As I became frustrated all I could think was that this place didn't feel like home. When we had done the walk through together and I had picked out my room, I felt instantly comfortable in the space, so why was it different now?
Tears began to swell in my eyes and all I could think was how much I wanted to be held and comforted, but didn't want to seem like a baby by going to my parent's room. The tears began to fall and I was overwhelmed with the desire to be wrapped in a warm embrace. It was then that the heat kicked on, and as the room's temperature began to rise I felt a presence lower onto the mattress which had been placed on the floor for that first night.
I told myself that I was just worked up and it wasn't anything, tears still streaming down my face. A moment or so passed before I felt arms wrap around me and pull me close. I heard a soft cooing in my ear and had the sensation that I was being rocked back and forth. I could feel a cheek resting on my head and when I breathed in, there was a scent of barely, cotton and a soft smoky scent. Not how my mother usually smelled but I chalked it up to the new house smell.
A few moments passed and I began to calm down, thinking somehow my mother knew how I was up set, her room was above mine after all, and that perhaps she had snuck in. My tears dried up but I still felt overwhelmed by the new space. As I began to fall asleep I remember thinking that I didn't want her to leave. Just as if she heard my thoughts, I heard a soft murmur telling me that she would stay with me all night.
I slept soundly that night and when I woke up the next morning I greeted my mother with a hug. Breathing in her scent was the same as always, but it was no where near what I remembered from the night before. Rather than sounding like a imaginative child, I kept the night's events to myself. Going back down to my room I looked around,
"I'm not sure who you are, but it's okay with me if you stay."
And since then people who have visited the house have noticed the energy on the expanse of the property. When I visit home I am always welcomed with hugs not just from my folks, but also the house. It wasn't until several years later that I was discussing the energy of the property with my Dad that I told him who I thought it was. He agreed, and when he married his wife two years go come this February, there was a Brighid doll and bed on the hearth as they married in the family room of the house.
I never told anyone that story until now. Very few places I have visited have had a similar energy to them. Expect for one, when I went to visit my uncle and cousin a year and a half ago in Washington. When I was on the train home I felt homesick, I didn't want to leave.
Because of this new found freedom I am making plans to visit again within the next couple of weeks which will probably mean that I will be taking a short sabbatical from posting, but when that decision is officially made I will let you know.
Now, I'm sure you're curious as to what exactly brought all of this on.
I have talked about Anni before with her Youtube channel. She recently did a video about Imbolc and I got emotional watching it. In her video she describes how from Samhain to Yule is a quiet time and how in that time things die, and then come Imbolc, we begin planting the seeds of our intentions. And how we ourselves are seeds. We are slowly coming out of a time of rest, the world is starting to wake up.
She talks about a period of foundation, releasing what we have outgrown and what no longer serves us. When we arrive at Imbloc we enter a space of becoming, of growing. That we possess within us the power to decide how we are going to proceed through the rest of the year.
This brought me to tears. She reads a poem to us the last line of the poem states, "We are not leaving, we are arriving."
Those words struck a chord so deep inside of me because ever since my move two years ago I have had this feeling of trying to leave the past behind. Even in my work of releasing fear there has been this same sense.
As Imbolc approaches I realized that I will be done leaving, and I in fact will be arriving-to the rest of my life. When I decided to be open to the Universe, I meant it, not exactly knowing to what extent it would accept.
I keep hearing the same phrase over and over again, "Don't miss the forest for the trees." Every time I hear it, and am filled with just that more resolve to follow my heart and my path for they are quickly becoming the same.
The first time I heard the saying was during a meditation a few months ago from one of my guides. As I was doing a year-round oracle card reading for myself, the very first card held the exact same message. January for me has been all about focusing on the big picture, not getting caught up in the tiny details that have led me to the forest, and to be firm in my decisions as I chose how to move forward this year. February cautions me to ration myself and my resources because when March comes, that is the time of new beginnings, when my new adventure will really begin.
I will admit that I am holding my breath a bit as I don't know exactly how things will unfold, but I am trying to trust that it will all serve my highest good.
I look forward to this New Moon as it is a Super Moon which means that the moon is closer to the Earth so it will appear much larger than normal. Because of this, it also means that any intentions that are being set or magic being worked (if that's your thing), because we will be receiving more of the moons rays, it will had an extra oomph to what you are working on.
If you have not already done so I would encourage you to check out the ritual I wrote for this new moon, and you can read all about it here.
I want thank you all so sincerely for being on this journey with me. When I feel myself falling a little bit I imagine holding hands with those who support me, and I draw upon their energy to help lift me back up, just as I do for them when they ask.
I have a vision in my mind of what will transpire, where I will do on this new adventure. With every word that I type, with every thought I bring it that much closer to my reality just as the moon pulls in the waves and tides.
If you have a vision dears, do not give up on it. It can be yours.
Sending you light and love,
Thealynn
©2013-2015 Thealynn
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