Observing Deity

Good day loves,

Today I wanted to take a look at deity and how I found myself observing and honoring what I believe to be a Higher Power.

This has always be one of the trickiest topics for me to explain my views on, mostly due to the fact that my beliefs have been so fluid. That being said, I think I have found a way to explain my thoughts and beliefs regarding such.

I do want to acknowledge that when I first began exploring different ideologies around that of a Higher Power, I struggled. As some of you may already know, I was raised in a Christian household. Although my mother would swing from utterly devout to utterly silent on the matter, it's safe to say that I grew up in church. My grandparents were the basis for that, and they expected that we of the younger generation be raised in the same manner.

Regardless, when I began exploring pagan beliefs, I started with Wicca because it seemed the safest starting point. Leaving the Christian god behind wasn't so difficult for me as I never felt much of a connection, but accepting a different god wasn't necessarily easy.

Acknowledging and accepting a goddess was a challenge, mostly due to residual fear revolving around that whole Hell situation. In time, I moved beyond that fear as I slowly came be to believe that Hell was not a real place, and we can always talk more about that a little later.

That wasn't the only struggle I faced as I attempted to navigate this new way of belief. Even though I grew up in my mother's household, we never managed a healthy relationship, which I explore and discuss in several other articles.

Much like the trouble I had in connecting with the Christian god, as I spent most of my years without a father figure (also a topic I have discussed previously.) I didn't personally have a strong parental foundation in which to draw inspiration or really any kind of connection to.

There was an even bigger factor that took some time to face, perhaps it's something that you can relate to - Obligation versus Desire.

Obligation; the idea that I had to follow Christianity, the obligation of the debt that was supposed to have been erased when Jesus sacrificed himself, the obligation that if I didn't live my life in such a way would result in my ultimate damnation...even though I was supposed to have been forgiven regardless...

It was a bit easier for me to identify these things because they came with the resentment I felt towards my upbringing and my parents as they were responsible for said upbringing, or lack thereof.

The desire was a bit trickier to unpack. Up until this point in my life, I hadn't regarded goddesses of any kind as more than mythological characters which back then for me equated to fictional characters.

Viewing the goddess as a loving mother who understood life because she herself had lived it, and didn't want or expect anything from me? But who was there for me regardless? Without expectation?

The desire to believe in what ultimately came down to unconditional love, and the freedom to be who and what ever I might be was really all I had ever wanted in a mother. Slowly be surely I began to embrace her, in tidbits that didn't scare away my tender heart and fragile grasp on what I thought I might have fractionally understood.

The Goddess was something entirely new and yet familiar, something in me began to stir, and I adopted what one would consider the Wiccan way of viewing deity.

The Goddess; Mother of all, kind and sweet but strong and sure. I viewed the God as Her consort, and while I heard folks when they expressed the balance between the two, I felt comfortable focusing on the Goddess alone.

Fast-forward a bit and I felt more secure recognizing them as parental figures and held them at the same level of importance. I still called on the Goddess more frequently, but after a time, I found myself calling on the God for different reasons.

As I became more comfortable working with the energy of the masculine and the feminine, I started broadening my view and looking at different pantheons. For a time I considered myself a polytheist as I couldn't quiet wrap my mind around the different gods and goddesses being so distinctive and yet somehow also be the same.

I could see how they all came from the same Universal Energy, if you will, but not be the same energy through and through, they were just too different.

I never settled on a patron or matron deity as I simply felt that I would be limiting myself in some way, besides the fact that I had just started on this path, back then I couldn't help but wonder how it would work calling on say Hecate when I was pledged to Brigid. It was just too big of a leap for me back then.

Flash forward to today.

In my previous piece titled Being Pagan, I mentioned that for a time I have considered myself a Spiritualist. My focus had turned away from recognizing or even working with most forms of deity, save for a couple, and in working with these goddess, I focused on their energy rather than on them as a whole.

And I feel that in doing so, I have found the best way to explain how I now find myself viewing deity.

Let's start from what I consider to be the top:

There's the Universal Energy, Great Spirit, Creator - whichever name you choose to give it. The energy that begins and ends all in the same breath, Source Energy if you will.

I would break that down into Masculine and Feminine characteristics because we as human are able to relate to and understand those two aspects. So this is where I would recognize the God and Goddess. Equal in all things, they compliment each other and stem from the same Source but manifest in different ways.

Next we find the different pantheons from all over the globe. Every civilization has their own 'versions' if you will, when it comes to gods and goddess. Where I found myself struggling, and this is in large part due to my monotheistic upbringing, was choosing one. Somewhere along my journey I had in my mind the idea that even though I did not have a matron or patron deity, that I would need to choose one pantheon, one region of the world where I grounded myself into their gods and goddesses. As this was not something I was able to do, I thought the answer to my struggles lay else where.

Beyond that we have Archetypes. As my path grew and changed, different times in my life felt as though different energies were being called into play, as too were the deities I worked with. As I learned about different gods and goddesses, much like anyone would, I began to see similarities between the pantheons. Which led me to wonder once again about the imaginary lines between True Source and what True Source creates, which led me to look into archetypes.

Now, Dictionary.com defines an archetype as:

the original pattern or model from which all things of the same kind are copied or on which they are based; a model or first form;prototype.

While I see the importance of archetypes, and how powerful and how helpful they can be, I started getting dizzy going down the rabbit hole of attempting to figure out 'the first of its kind' when it came to specific forms of deity that manifested in my life.

I realize that not everyone struggles with such, and that working with archetypes is really the most effective method for them to connect, but I learned quickly that when it came to my own personal experience, it just wasn't the best route for me.

I admittedly have only worked with a handful of deities. And when I worked with said deities, they appeared to me as whole individual energy. I wasn't connecting solely with the Universal energy, there was something special and specific about the particular energy I was drawn to.

So, with all of that being said, what do I believe?

Simply put, all of it.

I believe that Source Energy has been creating ways for us to connect more profoundly, more deeply, perhaps even more easily through specific deity. I believe that every god and goddess has value and meaning, and do for very good reason.

For a long time I thought I had to choose one specific way of believing, but the truth was in front of me all along. The fluidity that I possess to connect with Spirit in whichever form It comes in, is my strength, not a mark in the column for other's to use against me when I choose not to definitively say in one way or another.

Because for me, it all connects in the end anyway.

Image from evolvedinthelight.webs.com

Until next time my dears,

~Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Looking for community? Come join our Facebook group, Shakti's Circle! Hope to see you there!

Full Moon Reflections: Capricorn

Hey there loves,

I normally don't do this kind of update post, probably because I'm unaccustomed to seeing such significant change in such a short amount of time.

When I wrote about the Full Moon in Capricorn, I felt like I needed to vent as much as I wanted to share what I was learning. I had mentioned before my frustration with a few of my coworkers and how all I wanted was for the situation to be resolved, in the way I thought was best of course.

Without realizing it, I had become more angry and frustrated at how I felt that I was being treated, and I stopped seeing the bigger picture. I got tunnel vision if you will, so naturally when those blinders came off, not only did I feel foolish and a bit embarrassed, I also wanted to make things right.

I had a conversation with one coworker about how it felt when we worked together, and I heard her out. Turns out that she felt much the same way that I did; passing off responsibility, not doing our far share of the work, and at the end of the day not being excited to work with the other person.

I took the opportunity to apologize and did my best to make sure that they knew that I would do my best to communicate more openly if I was having an off day or feeling behind, that I would try to make sure they knew I was there to help them if they needed it.

We agreed that if the cycle that has been infecting our work place was to stop, it had to start somewhere, so it was going to start with us.

A different coworker, whom I perceived to be the one responsible for all of the turmoil, started showing up more, started doing more, and appeared to be putting in more of an effort. My boss had asked me to give this person a second chance, and at first I was admittedly reluctant.

I'd given out second chances before and it had never ended well for me, and that was just my personal relationships. This was supposed to be a professional environment, why the hell were they given a second chance? I firmly believed, despite being told otherwise, that any one would be given this second chance if they were in this person's shoes. It felt like they were being special treatment for unknown reasons, and truth be told, I resented everyone who was involved.

In retrospect I can see where I did not do a good job of hiding my opinion even though I never voiced it. I was not sincere or genuine with this person, and I did not listen to the undertones or body language which always said more than the words that were spoken.

After writing about what Spirit revealed to me, it really hit home that I needed to not just see and recognize these people and the parts of them that I recognized, but that I needed to honor them and where they are at in their journey.

I needed to do this not just for myself, but by doing so, it could completely change the atmosphere and the energy in my workplace when I worked with them. As all of this was sinking in I told my guides, I told Spirit that I was not confident in my ability to do so overnight. I was unsure of how successful I would be right away, but that I would try and that I wouldn't keep myself closed off from them as I had been doing.

It's not two weeks later, and I am surprised at myself but I'm also proud. One year, two years ago, I don't know if I would have been able to turn around so completely. I'm going to work feeling lighter, feeling more confident in my position, I don't dread working with these people any more, and I genuinely spend time asking the Universe to hold them and send them love and support because in my heart I know that somehow it can and will manifest for them. Even if it manifests through me.

I no longer feel like I am being denied opportunities because I have been given the amazing chance to do other things. Like spending one day a week in a different department which isn't remotely related to the one I am in now. I am able to dedicate time to writing here, I've been able to finish a really exciting project that now is just waiting for the green light from Spirit to go onto the next step, I reached a place where I was comfortable creating an online temple space on Facebook where I can connect and share openly and others can do the same if they feel called to do so.

Don't get me wrong, the Full Moon in Capricorn was a tough one. I felt it BIG TIME. But now as we are transitioning into the New Moon in Leo, and we are heading into the harvest season, I am starting to look back on what I have been able to bring to life so far this year, and I feel amazing.

The work is not done, and there is still time to create, I feel the fiery energy of Leo beckoning me to breath life into more projects, to ignore the fear that tells me that somehow I am not good enough to do what I want to do. The lion in my roars with confidence because it knows, and I know better.

I will say though that with the completion of the project mentioned above, there is a sense of finality in a way. I knew that I wouldn't launch the project straight away, so now I'm sitting in a space with two different energies; the first being that I want to take a breath and soak up the fact that I have never even attempted something like this and now it's done, the second energy is that of the new moon in Leo wanting to get out there and create more stuff!

So, I am going to try an honor both energies, I will take time to be in stillness and gratitude and really honor the work that I have put into the project, and at the same time put my energy into other projects.

One such project is the Facebook group I mentioned before. If you are interested in joining, I fully encourage you to do so. We're still a fairly small community but you are welcome to it! I'll leave the link here with you, Shakti's Circle.

All right loves, time to go spend some time in that stillness.

Don't forget to live freely and love fiercely,

~Thealynn


©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Deep In The Dark

Deep In The Dark

I was raised to be afraid of the dark

To fear the shadows and any and all who lurked there

I was taught to avoid the deep

To shy away from any and all who might lead me there

Only trouble and danger waited in the dark

The shadows were there to smother your senses

Going deep could only end in a drowning

Nothing worth having or being existed in those places

Nature was pretty in sight and scent

But nature was below us, because it was made for us

We were above nature, we were masters

Nevermind that we wouldn’t survive without it

In Nature, the dark is natural

The dark is needed to balance the light

Life and Death dance together out of necessity and love

Thus Nature is dark, and dark is Death

As I grew so did my love for nature

The simplicity dancing with the complexity

Dancing in rhythm just as Life and Death do

As I grew so did my curiosity of the dark

I found myself feeling safe in the shadows

I found myself longing for the deep

The peace, the quiet, the comfort

Such things are plentiful in the dark

The dark holds truths that require strength

The dark holds a silent song

The dark requires nothing

The dark only asks for authenticity

It’s easy to hide here in the dark

But it is courage that is needed to find yourself there

I now long for the long nights

For the voices and the whispers that caress my skin like a breeze

Some may find fear in the dark

But the pitch black is where I find love

Ancient wisdom and magic make up this place

I make up this place

Deep inside I am the Dark

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Destruction Before Creation/A Star is Born

Hello loves,

On this particular evening I am sitting in the comfort of my home, hunkered down as a winter storm begins with the knowledge that I will be more or less 'stuck' for the next couple of days. Winter storms are not necessarily unusual for this time of year, however, the fact that this will be the third time within the last three weeks that we will have snow fall, is quite unusual for this area.

I intend to take the time away from work and traditional responsibilities to enjoy the quiet, and to simply with with myself as much as I can. As I mentioned in my previous post, I tend to shut down and go inward during this time, and this provides the perfect atmosphere to do so. In addition, it has provided me with some time to consider how I wanted to approach this topic, my tarot card for 2017.

(I feel like I should warn you, this is going to be a long one.)

Last year my card was The Tower, which inspired the title for this posting, as that was the phrase or mantra that I adopted for the year. As working with a tarot card for an entire year is a relatively new practice for me, the first year I did so, I wasn't entirely sure how to go about 'working with' said card. More often then not, I couldn't find what I considered to be legitimate connections between the message of the card and my every day life, last year was much different.

At the beginning of the year, I broke off an unhealthy relationship, which was a first for me. It took a meditation with a goddess to give me the push I needed. But once that fire was lit within me, I began to see more clearly the areas of my life where I had put other's first, where I really should have been more considerate of myself.

I realized how even though ending the relationship would be uncomfortable and even painful to a certain degree, I understood deep into my bones how continuing would only cause more damage, not just to myself but to my partner at the time.

That bridge had to be destroyed in order to make room for my current relationship; healthy, proactive, compassionate, genuine and challenging to be the best partner I can be.

I switched gears and entered into a profession that I believed I would be successful in, only to find out that I did not have an affinity for it at all. To top it off, I had been recently hired when I was attacked and due to the nature of the job, I was forced to quit, without the option to return to the position I had been in prior to leaving.

It took a couple of months, but because I decided to take a chance of myself, I was able to enter into a brand new field (to me at least) and I ended up with better hours, and a higher pay rate that my previous two employers.

In the beginning of my healing process, I followed my instinct to receive professional help that also integrated my spiritual path. Finding the right person to work with took some time, but the work that I knew we would be able to accomplish together was worth the wait.

In the time it took to get in touch with my mentor, teacher, and healer, I also learned how much inner strength I truly possess. As much support that I had, there was so much that I had to do on my own, work that only I could do for myself, and in doing so, I readied myself for the work I would do later on.

There were times last year where I forgot who I was, where I felt utterly destroyed and broken: because I was. The person I had known before was gone; I remembered being her, I remembered her easy laugh and her seemingly endless compassion and understanding, I remembered how much she wanted to be a rock for the people around her. But I had lost her, she was like the shadow of a dream that could be so scarcely felt, and the feeling of that previous me, was shattered, was hollow, was just, not there anymore.

Even now it's difficult to look back and remember those months where Purgatory had come to Earth and I seemed to be its sole occupant. Flip the coin over however, and it's encouraging to know how much progress I have made in taking back my life, to know how much will power, resolve, determination, and drive I possess, all of which no one can give or take away, that are truly part of who I am as a person, regardless of what happens in my life.

In addition to the Tower being my tarot card for 2016, numerologically, it was also a 9 year. A year for tying up loose ends, a year for endings, for completion, a year to let go of so much...

I wrote numerous times last year about how long it the year seemed, how weeks and months felt like years in and of themselves, September especially was quite a challenging month. By the time the holidays came, it didn't feel quite real, like some how I had actually made it to the end of 2016, and I couldn't have been more grateful to put that year behind me.

If you're curious how to find this information and/or if you are new to numerology (I am certainly no expert) - you take the year, 2017 and you add each number individually. In this case, the sequence would look like this:

2+0+1+7= 10
1+0= 1

To find your tarot card for the year, you would take your birth month and day, and the current year. So for example, this is how I have found mine:

1+2+3+1+2+0+1+7= 17

I would then locate the seventh card in the Major Arcana, and this year my card is, The Star.

As I was reading about The Star, in one of the companion's for one of my decks, the refer to the numerological counter part of the Star, which happened to be Strength. I also decided to look at last years card and the numerological counter part of the Tower which was The Hanged Man.

I decided to revisit last year's card and its counter part. Maybe it's the fact that last year is behind me, or maybe it's because I'm in a place where I am ready to see from a fresh perspective, regardless of why, each card so clearly describes the trials and miracles of 2016.

With The Tower depicting the utter destruction and loss that I experience, to the feelings of dread, helplessness, and inability to move forward that are depicted in the Hanged Man. Rather than focusing on the darkness that I found myself in, with the help of my loved ones, my guides spirit and otherwise, I was able to find and fight for the possibility of creation, to find the calm within myself to make the decision to go after my attacker through the uncertainty of the justice system.

Because I had nothing else to hold on to, I chose to believe that even though I had suffered such a horrific event, that the Universe truly was protecting me, and that justice would be served. I chose to believe that despite the tear filled journey to recovery, that there was a greater purpose in place, and that some how, I would make the most of what happened to through helping others who experienced the same horrors.

Turning now towards the future, to The Star and to its counter part Strength, I am prepared to open myself fully to the healing and the magic of the Universe. I am prepared to take the next step in welcoming to love and the gifts of the Universe because I know now more than ever that I am worthy of such things.

In the DruidCraft Tarot, they make the connection of the woman pictured in The Star to the Celtic goddess Brigidh, the same goddess who lit the fire within me, the first goddess whose energy I felt as a child, and the goddess whom I feel the most connection to, as she is a goddess of Healing Water and Sacred Flame.

Cards and Counter Parts from the DruidCraft Tarot

The Star speaks of embracing the healing waters, and accepting the sacred protection that is offered by the Universe in all things. It speaks of fueling the creative spirit and allowing yourself to receive all that has been waiting for you. It is a direct sign from your guides, on the physical and spiritual plane that you are on the right path, and to trust your intuition. Lessons have been learned, scars have been earned, and now is the time to allow hope to bloom within one's heart, because that's where dreams are made.

The Star's counter part Strength refers to not just a boost in physical vitality, but of emotional endurance; having faced such strong oppositions, positioning yourself into a strong mental position. Retaining composure, and compassion while standing your ground.

A quote from the Oceanic Tarot about the card Strength, "What opposes you is lower then you are..."

Cards and Counter Parts from the Oceanic Tarot

This quote speaks volumes to me, and reminds me of all that I have risen above, and how I continue to do so by staying true to who I am, my needs, and my path.

Even now within just the first two weeks of 2017, I already feel the weight of the past year alleviated. Depending in who you ask, numerologically 2017 is a 1/10 year. A year of new beginnings, of mastery.

Going into this year there is already so much to be grateful for, so much potential already taking shape in the physical realm.

I have my first performance review with my new employer which could very well result in a pay raise.  As I mentioned before, withing the next couple of weeks I will be celebrating the first year of my relationship with an amazing man, with whom I will be taking the next step and building a home together. I will continue my training and healing with my current teacher and mentor as well as beginning official Reiki training, in addition I will be seeking a mentor and teacher to help take my tarot reading to the next level.

And that's only what I have in mind until roughly March or April. I think it goes without saying that I hope to be able to keep up with this blog all throughout the year, and perhaps even begin a new adventure.

This year is bright and young and perhaps for the first time, I am in fact ready to be in a happy, healthy, prosperous, and productive place; mind, body, and soul.

I hope all of you are just as excited about this year as I am.

Brightest Blessings to you all,

~Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Hello 2017

Hello 2017 and hello to all of you, welcome back to Through the Secret Door.

I was thinking about this place the other day, and I realized that since I started this project, I have consistently 'disappeared' from around Samhain to Imbolc, or roughly from November to February, give or take a post or two.

What got me thinking about it is the fact that I do the same thing with my personal life, I tend to retreat during those months and focus mostly on work. Seasonal illness tends to play a role in that also, but I'm realizing that between those times my spiritual practice tends to take a back seat, and once the craziness of the holidays die down and I recover, that's when I tend to feel myself wanting to get back to the routines I try to maintain throughout the rest of the year.

Being that this is the first year that I've noticed this pattern, I'm hoping that I will be able to keep that in mind, and that I find a way to maintain a good balance between my work life and my spiritual life.

With all of that to say, I think I want to focus on simply writing and sharing my thoughts and experiences, at least for the time being. I wrote last year about a particular event, and while I have come so far in reclaiming my life and getting back on track, the journey is not over yet.

Despite some of the horrific events that took place last year, there were also some wonderful experiences and changes that made dealing with the horrible stuff manageable.

In 2016 I ended an unhealthy relationship and through that process I realized how much I put others before myself and learned how important being fair to myself truly is.

Once I made the decision to put myself first, the Universe brought my current partner into my life, and while we differ on some aspects, I couldn't ask for a more supportive, understanding, and solid individual to experience this life with. I am happy to say that come March we will be celebrating our first year as a couple and will be living together.

As a result of being attacked, I returned to therapy and after a couple of months of working with a non-spiritual therapist, I made the switch to work with a teacher and mentor whom I had previously taken classes with regarding shielding and healing.

I am so grateful that I listened to my inner voice and made the decision to work with this person as we not only work to heal the hurt and trauma of that particular event, but that we also go deeper into the hurts of my past, as well as working towards the future.

I changed jobs twice last year, and am happy to say that I finally work for a company that shares my values and ideals that is still young enough that there is ample opportunity for growth. It's not where I plan on staying forever as I intended for my spiritual work to eventually become my full time profession, but it's nice knowing that I have such a stable foundation to work from.

Last year I expressed my desire to learn and work with my chakras, and that is something I will be picking back up this year. I plan on continuing to work with stones, scents, candles, meditation, and cards just like last year. In addition I've also sent away for a couple of books, and CDs that I think will help to deepen my understanding a provide good references that will be good to have on hand. I'll be sure to share titles and pictures as soon as they all finish arriving.

I will also be continuing to deepen my knowledge of tarot and honing my reading skills through study of individual cards, including my tarot card of the year. I think I'll save that piece of information for another post as I have a few thoughts to share regarding last year's card.

I think this is where I am going to leave today's post. It feels good getting back into the saddle, and I hope that I am able to maintain this feeling of quietness and focus to just sit and being willing to share.

I hope each and everyone of you had a joyous holiday season and a safe fun new year.

Until next time,

Brightest Blessings,

Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf