Ostara's Easter and the Self Love of the Sacral

Hey loves,

It's been some time since I've felt compelled to write, even though I think about this blog almost every single day. Some times it takes something out of the everyday routine to prompt the urge, even the need to write.

As I'm sure most of you know by now, assuming you've been with me before - I've been on my path for a good while now, and if I'm being frank, half of my family is on what most folks would consider the other side of the fence.

As with most most holidays, my family wanted to spend Easter together, even if it was only a meal - which we had planned to do after they had attended a church service in the morning.

It was perhaps a week and a half prior to these plans when my mother called me. I knew from the moment she got on the phone that something was on her mind. Her tone was more than enough to tell me that whatever she was going to say was going to be difficult for her.

To my relief, it was not a family emergency, it was something considerably more simple.

She wanted me to go to church with them.

Now, my mother knows that I have a different belief system, one that she personally cannot condone or understand; mostly I think because she's already made up her mind about it.

Unlike me, I don't think she's ever doubted her faith or her beliefs, which I genuinely commend her for - so much of the pain and trails she's experienced, we experienced together.

The moment I heard her voice crack, I knew what she was going to ask me.

"I know that you have different beliefs, and we've never talked about them. But it really would me so much if you came to church."

"Oh Mom, it's okay."

"I don't want it to be like my parents where beliefs are pressured to the point where it causes problems, but-"

"Mom. I love you, and I respect you; and if it means that much to you, of course I'll go."

She pulled herself together after that, and I decided not to ask her the main question that was on my mind.

What exactly did she think that church was going to do for me? What about this Easter service was going to reach me in such a way that I could potentially, completely change my way of thinking?

In this particular instance, it only reaffirmed my stance, and strengthened my resolve.

In the midst of counting everything of pagan origin in an attempt to not fall asleep, something about the message for today got to me. As might be expected, the sermon was all about Jesus being resurrected and how it was good news for us all; because we'd finally be able to get into heaven.

While I will not go into every single piece that I disagreed with, there is one that I refuse to be silent about.

While his sermon was unorganized, poorly rehearsed, and over all lacking; this preacher had enough nerve to tell every person sitting in the audience, that they are broken.

This was by no means a small congregation - they were recording from a number of locations and streaming it live online. I don't want to make any grand assumptions about the tax free institution but I think it's fair to say he was quite ballsy in his accusation.

I don't know about anyone else, but the idea of telling a complete stranger that I've never even made eye contact with, that they are broke, unworthy, and really rather pointless without my perspective of what my higher power looks like, is nothing short of egotistical.

As I sat there in that auditorium, I was fuming. I no longer cared if my distaste and displeasure was obvious to anyone. In fact, I even hoped that he would look over and see how disgusted I felt. I hoped that from where I was in my seat, that he could feel the echos of what it really meant to be broken.

To feel that sense of helplessness, of emptiness; the feeling of complete and utter self loathing and failure that comes with being broken. I wanted more than anything for a single moment for him to experience the way the breath catches as one inches towards to edge of oblivion, and the terror of uncertainty even at the brink of making the unchangeable decision to finally release and let go, or to hang on with nothing but the bleeding chips that were once fingernails.

I physically craved for him to know this darkness. I felt my own ego crying out for him to choke on his words as he attempted to pick apart the idea of "different roads leading to the same end" and how by doing that it leaves each individual the ultimatum of deciding what 'good' really means.

At this point I'm sure I could go off on a tangent about balance between light and darkness, good and evil. I could string together pretty words about how the freedom to choose is in fact a blessing and a curse, and that there really is no such thing as 'not choosing' because when it comes to so much of life, there is always a choice.

If I'm being completely honest at this point, this has without a doubt been one of the most difficult articles for me to write. It's taken several attempts not just with trying to convey my ideas and feelings, but also several rounds of technical issues in which everything below the previous paragraph was lost.

More than once the time and effort felt wasted, in one instance I became enraged that for whatever reason there was nothing saved because I was so proud of the picture I had spun together reaching so far and deep within me to create and it was simply gone.

Easter was back in March, and even if this post was going to be a few weeks late, the subject matter was such that I felt it was justified with so much to process. As I am sitting here now reading back over everything, those emotions feel like an echo of someone who felt wronged by a stranger who will never know my name, never know my story; because to him they are all the same in the end.

And maybe for him that's true, and if so, then that's his prerogative. But in the end what it boiled down to me was that he has a very different idea of what love is, and means. From where I'm standing his love feels shallow and weak, and conditional.

I cannot speak for anyone else by myself, but I sincerely believe that love doesn't last without sincere dedication, hard work, struggle, and often times, pain.

They say that nothing worth having is easy/easily obtained. And I genuinely believe that.

While I might not feel like this everyday, at the core of my being, I am grateful for the trials I've experienced. I'm grateful for the people who made life difficult because it lead me to the people who helped me see the strength within myself to conquer those trials.

I'm grateful that I found a belief system that believes in me as I am, accepts me as I am, and doesn't ask me to change unless it's for my greater good. I'm grateful that I belief in such a way that encourages me to love and accept everyone around me for the who they are, even if I don't necessarily agree with them.

With all of that being said, I'm grateful for that preacher. Because not only did he reinforce that I'm on the right path for my personal growth and life, but he also helped me grow from a place of resentment to a place of gratitude.

One of the most beautiful things about self love is that once you find it, you stop concerning yourself with those who lack self love. And when you do interact with those people, they don't have the ability to feed that sense of self loathing because you've already fed it with love and understanding and compassion, which you can then share with those who are also looking for it.

When I originally began this journey through my chakras, I had the idea to go through them within a years time, spending approximately seven weeks on each chakra.

I however have spend the last three months working with this one chakra, and have only move on to the Solar Plexus chakra this past week.

My original intention was not so much to limit myself to working with each one for a set amount of time, but more to deepen my admittedly basic knowledge and to widen my tool set on how to work with each one.

I'm also coming to understand that when I move on to the next chakra, I take the essence of the previous chakras with me, I continue to work with them, it's more that my focus shifts to the next, not my entire self.

Some of the tools I used while focusing on my sacral charka were the Aloha Bay candles, both pillar and tealight, Sun's Eye Sacral Chakra oil, and the stones I used were Orange Calcite and Yellow Jasper.

I didn't do to much meditation on this chakra as much as self evaluation. I also had many discussions with those of like mind who are on similar paths, as I was not only curious for their input but I also rely on their council.

I am going to leave you with this amazing affirmation I found while simply scrolling through some photos, not only because I think it applies to everything I discussed here but because I was so sincerely moved by it's words. I feel it also ties into the next subject I'll be talking about here Through the Secret Door.

Until next time my loves,

Light, love, and blessings to you all,

Thealynn

©2013-2016 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

They Find You

Hello again lovies,

I told you I wouldn't be gone for long! I'm going to try and keep this post on the shorter side because this is a subject that I intend to go into more detail with, but this was too cool for me not to share with you today!

I began working with crystals a little over a year now. There is a one shop in town that sells them, and the woman who owns the shop has been doing so for the last fourteen years. Very wise, very knowledgeable. I've spent enough time there, that now I volunteer when I can.

The first time I went in to purchase stones for myself I was a bit nervous, because I had never expected to work with stones, at the time I didn't believe they could do anything for me. With the situation I was facing, I was about ready to try anything.

I started off fairly simple, a few here, a few there. A few for home, a couple to keep at work. I could feel some results, even if all it was doing was putting a wall between me and what was happening-I'd take it!

Well, several months passed by and I felt called to do a meditation, and I chose to do so with a couple of my stones.

Let me tell you, it knocked me on my ass! The mediation was so deep, and the messages I received so clear, and vivid, I was almost afraid to touch them after that! But of course I did, carefully, but I did.

I decided that I would reserve my use of them for when I really needed it, which is also what I did with my tarot and oracle cards.

Why you may ask?

I was concerned that if I used them too often, I would become dependent on their guidance, and that it would lessen and distort the messages I received.

A fair and logical conclusion, but not terribly accurate. The truth of the matter was that I didn't trust my guides, my tools or myself enough to work with them freely.

As time went on, I would use them here and there, and would occasionally pick up additional stones. My little gem family now has around 50 members! Including two new additions from today.

When I went into the shop, I had an intention of spending less than five dollars, since that was how much cash I had with me, and I was looking for a stone to help me with the headaches that I had been experiencing.

There was another guest in the shop, who I ended up helping along with the volunteer who was on duty. Once she was taken care of, I asked for assistance with the reason for my visit.

Most of the stones that were listed for helping headaches I either had or were not in the shop, a few were over the budget I had set for myself. I kept coming back to the smoky quartz, which surprisingly enough was not already a part of my gem family.

Next to it on the table were yellow jasper. Before I could even process the thought, I had one ready to take home. The smoky quartz were almost overflowing! I had a little bit more of a time trying to find the one that was meant to come home with me, but I found 'em!

The nice thing about shopping locally is that the prices are almost unbeatable, but I know that not everyone has that option. So if not, I would HIGHLY recommend the shops I mentioned in my previous post. Not only are they run by amazing women, but helping others through spiritual tools is infused with their life's purpose.

The first blurb about yellow jasper is from the Sage Goddess listing. The description is just too perfect, and it just instilled so much encouragement and confidence in my intuition.

"First, let me say how important the solar plexus Chakra is to your energy's well being. It's the center of your Chakra system, the source of your power, and the core of your personal evolution. It connects the upper and lower Chakras, creating a sense of alignment that's unmatched. Any stone of the yellow ray can balance the solar plexus Chakra, creating a strong foundation. Yellow Jasper takes it a step further. It creates a sense of stability and gives one a feeling of being "enough". Enough to make it through your hardest times and to deal with any situation. I love to carry yellow jasper whenever my confidence is lacking and I need a bit of a boost.

Yellow jasper takes its time when working on your center, but is no less powerful. True change takes time to development and this stone makes sure you are fully prepared to roar with full lioness power. "

The second is from a website that I use quite frequently, the link will be here.

"Smoky quartz is a very protective and grounding stone. It brings physical and psychic protection. It is also an excellent stone for protection from negative energy, as It removes negativity and negative energy of any kind and transforms them to positive energy.

As a root chakra stone, smoky quartz enhances survival instincts, and can help one reach personal and business goals. It is also used in assisting in making wishes come true by grounding their essence in reality.  Thus, it is a stone that brings abundance, prosperity, and good luck.

 Smoky quartz also works energetically to assist in prioritizing needs and wants, and brings wisdom to every day life.

Emotionally, smoky quartz is excellent for elevating moods, overcoming negative emotions, and relieving depression. Smoky quartz relieves stress, fear, jealousy, anger and other negative emotions by transforming them into positive energies. It is a helpful stone for enhancing and encouraging courage and inner strength. Smoky quartz is very comforting and calming, and can be considered a stone of serenity. It can, therefore, be very helpful in relieving grief."

There is a BUNCH of information about the smoky quartz, but this is what stuck out to me the most.

So, I went up to pay for my newest friends, and related the prices, the volunteer shaved fifty cents off of one of the stones because it was so small (something the shop owner does all the time so no worries there) which means that I went from spending half of my budget to only forty percent!

You might be wondering why I'm so excited over saving fifty cents, and I will tell you why. I am excited because I not only set myself a budget, I stuck to it; I not only saved money, but I was UNDER BUDGET. I decided to give that fifty cents back to the shop in the form of a donation to help build and restore a property that will serve as sanctuary for those in need, and a retreat for like minded individuals, which is scheduled to be up and running next year.

I saw a piece of cats eye that was calling to me, but I decided not to, because it would mean that I had one dollar left over, meaning that I would have spend ninety percent of my budget. As much as I felt like I could use it, I reminded myself that I had spent over a year putting off buying a smoky quartz. The cats eye could wait a few weeks, or longer if need be.

I might be getting some strange looks through the computer screen as to why I'm looking at such a small amount of money as such a big deal. I'm sure that I will write more about this in another post, but for now suffice it to say that I am working on changing the way I look at money, my relationship with money and how I handle money. That story in and of itself will take a post or two.

While this one might not have been as short as I had originally intended, I am pleased that I was able to share so much, that I have ideas for future posts, and that I have the drive and desire to post!

I am going to try and stay away for another couple of days so I can focus on studying for my last final and when it's all over I will give a sigh of relief and gratitude, and come write some more!

The idea that I should make a list of the topics I want to write about really makes me smile, not only do I not want to forget anything, but that I am so eager to share it. I just have to hold out until Wednesday!

Until we meet again, may you be showered with love by those around you, and may you know that the dreams which live inside your heart are achievable.

Blessings to you all,

Thealynn

©2013-2015 Thealynn