Tools and Resources; Healing from Sexual Assault

Hello my dears,

When I decided to come out to you all about my experience surviving sexual assault, I knew from the get-go that I wasn't going to stop there, but that I would want to share the tools I've been using to help me with the healing process. I also knew that I wanted to share resources, some of which I have utilized myself, that can at least be a starting point.

I think it goes without saying that no tool by itself is ever going to cure the hurt or take away the anger that I feel, true healing doesn't work on a time table and must be consistently nurtured, there is no cure-all, there is no way to make it vanish without a trace.

You may be wondering why I didn't include these things in the first two articles I wrote concerning my experience. Believe me, it did cross my mind, I thought about it long and hard before hitting the little 'publish' button that makes these pieces available for everyone to see.

The fact is that I was in a place where I simply needed to express myself, and say what I needed to say. I needed to be able to cry as I wrote and process those emotions and do so in a space that was specifically designed for that. I needed to allow myself that time and space to be vulnerable and raw and to not hold back, so that's what I did.

I have said this before, and I doubt that this is the last time I will say this but for the sake of putting it out there: some of these are tools that I work with in my own personal practice. In no way do I believe that they are the end all, be all or that they will work for everyone.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way ~

The first step I would encourage everyone to do is to report the incident to the police. I understand and relate first hand how humiliating and shameful it can feel to go to a complete stranger and tell them about your experience.  I myself went to two different police stations to report my attacker. I initially went to the police station in my town, but because the crime was committed in a different county, I needed to go there instead.

Before I move on, I want to say that I was treated with dignity and respect by both of the officers with whom I spoke, and have worked with. Both were kind and compassionate and gave me peace of mind as I took these first steps.

The next step I would also encourage of everyone is to go to the hospital or if you are able to, go their first. Again, it can be frightening, humiliating and shameful, but it can not only be beneficial to your case, but you can also be treated for any STI's that may have been passed to you. If you do head to the hospital first, they can always contact the police for you there.

I would also encourage everyone to seek professional help. Whether you yourself are a survivor or someone you love is, having someone who is professionally trained and is unbiased to help you work through your struggles is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Please do not let the lack of insurance be a road block to you getting the help that you need, there are so many payment free options, such as community counselors, support groups, and online support.

There is help available to you, don't fall into the trap of telling yourself that you are 'fine' if you are not, it's okay to not be after experiencing such trauma.

I would also encourage you to not let the outcomes of publicized rape cases be an excuse to not go to the police.  It is incredibly discouraging to see so many in such a short amount of time, let alone all of the cases we never hear about. But carrying the regret of not doing more, not doing something, is optional.

I remember thinking that I wasn't going to report my case because I knew my attacker, and that I couldn't imagine what this would do to his life. It took me four days to dig up the courage and decide to go.

Part of what has kept me going and has helped me the most is that I am actively choosing to live my life the way that I want to live it, or at the very least, trying my damnedest to do so. Doing everything in my power to receive justice and to reclaim my life has been the biggest healer of all.

Some days it's unspeakably difficult, I don't always feel like being alive when I wake up. So I think about the things that make me happy, that make me smile. In my mind I picture the things that make my life worth living, I picture my future getting closer and closer every day that I continue to move forward.

As far as what I do personally in addition to what I have listed above, I spend as much time with my friends and family as I am able to. These people are my anchors to the life I lived before I was attacked, and they help to remind me who that person was, and how I can make my way back to her.

This might go without saying also, but I write, A LOT. There are so many things that I write or record of just me talking so that I can release the intense emotions that I feel. Expressing myself creatively is an outlet for the pain and the frustration. If you don't consider yourself a creative person that's okay, maybe your outlet is through physical activity. Just finding an outlet and allowing yourself that time can be incredibly beneficial.

This may come as no surprise, but I have a variety of stones that I carry with me every day, that I sleep with under my pillow, and that I meditate with. I even created a crystal grid with them, and recently shared the photo on my Instagram.

Starting in the center we have a Shiva Lingam, at the top we have Lepidolite, Black Tourmaline, Rhodonite, Snowflake Obsidian, Rose Quartz, Smokey Quartz, Rhodocrosite, and Petrified Wood.

These are all stones that either I felt called to, or already had as a part of my collection. Before dedicating them to this specific work, I left them in my window for a moon bath on the full moon, and continue to do so every full moon, so that the previous energy is released back to mama Earth and can be transmuted into energy for other people, places, causes, etc.

I try to do this with all of my stones so that their energy can be replenished and as a form of thanks for the work that they do, as I do my own work.

I still struggle with sleeping well, or even through the night, so a couple of the things I have found that help me is having fresh lavender under my pillow. I also play white noise to help distract me from the constant train of thought. I was fortunate enough that as I was searching for some of the stones I listed above that the shop I was in offered these little lavender bundles, but they are very easily made on your own.

If you are allergic to lavender, this might not be a viable option, but I have found that a calming scent can be incredibly helpful.

Essential oil is another way to go as there are so many varieties available, some are even designed for that calming affect.

One of my dear friends is a doTERRA consultant and gifted me a little bottle of the Wild Orange. I tend to use it on my hands when I travel as it is easy to play off getting a quick whiff to help calm my nerves.

Some times I simply carry the bottle with me if I am not able to wear it, such as when I am at work. Being in a bakery I am constantly wearing gloves and washing my hands, so rather than constantly putting it on and risking the food I touch taste of orange, I can take a quick smell from the bottle in between tasks and not risk cross contamination.

These are just a few of the tools I have been using to help me cope with the trauma and anxiety that comes with being a survivor. I have also pushed myself into working on growing my spiritual practice by getting back into reading. For example, I just finished Starhawk's The Spiral Dance.

Not only did it help me to connect certain thoughts and feelings I had about the Craft to a place of understanding and safety, but there were sections of the book that provided me healing that I wasn't even expecting.

I originally borrow a copy of the 10th Anniversary edition from the same friend who gifted me the doTERRA, and I ended up having it so long I purchased her a replacement copy.

The Spiral Dance is a book that I intend to do a review on in the near future, I hope to be able to do so before the end of the year, but we'll see if we get there.

I also began working through a couple of books with my circle members, one of them is called Following Your Path by Alexandra Collins Dickerman. This book is designed as a work book as you take the journey of the Fool through the archetypes of the major arcana.

The other is called In The Shadow of 13 Moons by Kimberly Sherman-Cook. This book is all about Shadow work, and is designed to work through a thirteen month period as all the work is done during the time of the dark or new moon.

It might seem like heavy work, but these are all forms of me taking control, making conscious choices and doing what I feel is best for me. When I first began to process what had happened to me, I cut off my connection with Spirit completely, I was in no place to even want to think about it.

All of these things came later, when I felt ready. In the first weeks after my attack, I spent a lot of time utilizing the internet, finding out what to expect from this process, and what resources I had available to me.

I have to say though, that none of these things would make the least bit of difference if I didn't want to be here. If I didn't want to fight, if I didn't want my life back, if I didn't want to remain a victim.

Something horrible happened to me, something that I couldn't stop from happening, something that I didn't ask for.  But it happened. And what happens now, for the most part is up to me.

I started taking back control of my life when I decided to go to the police, and even though I have done everything I can do for the time being, I did something. Even if, god forbid my case doesn't go anywhere, I can look back and say that I did what I could.

I refuse to remain a victim, I refuse to live that way. Because I have lived that way, the first several weeks it was all I could do. I needed that time to embrace the pain to the up most of which I could take it. And there are days when I still feel its echo, I honestly don't know if it's something that will ever leave me.

My choice to say no was taken away that night, but every day that I choose to say yes to myself, I heal a little bit more.

Yes, I deserve happiness. Yes, I deserve success. Yes, I deserve justice. Yes, I deserve to have my voice heard. Yes, I deserve the right to say, no. Yes, I deserve to heal.

Every day that I choose to live, to be a survivor, I heal a little bit more. Every day that you choose to, you heal a little bit more.

Yes, you deserve happiness. Yes, you deserve success. Yes, you deserve justice. Yes, you deserve to have your voice heard. Yes, you deserve the right to say no. Yes, you deserve the right to heal.

First and foremost I want to share the phone numbers and chats for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and the National Sexual Assault Hotline.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-273-TALK
Here is the link to the private chat: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx


National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 or 1-800-656-HOPE
Here is the link to the private chat: https://hotline.rainn.org/online/terms-of-service.jsp


https://www.rainn.org/
RAINN is the nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization. They are bursting with information, and one of the main resources I used, including their confidential chat which I utilized while I decided on a therapist. 

https://www.notalone.gov/resources/
Not Alone was also incredibly helpful because it provided me with a list of crisis centers as well as a hot line that is confidential and 24/7

http://www.womenslaw.org/gethelp_national_type.php?type_id=1056
WomensLaw is a great site for information about different organizations, statics, and additional resources to get you the help that you need.

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Lifeline is always a resource to be aware of regardless of what crisis you might be facing, there is someone who is willing to be there for you.

I may not know you, I may never know you. I may never know your story, hear your laughter or be able to hold you while you cry. But wherever you are, know that I love you.

Know that there are people in this world who love you, who need you, who want to be there to support you. Know that you mean something to this world, know that you are not alone.

Blessings to you and yours,

Namaste,

Thealynn

©2013-2016 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Open Heart Ritual Tools

Hey there lovies,

Welcome to Part Two of my Open Heart Mini-Series!

If you have not read Part One, there's a link for that!

Following pieces of this mini series will include a retelling of a of a personal meditative experience, some meditations that I find helpful and of course the resulting experience of the February Full Moon Ritual through Sage Goddess.

I should also disclose that as there are a couple of weeks to go before the full moon ritual, there may be a post or two in there that might not be a part of the series. There is more time between the next full moon than I have topics to write about, at least when it comes to love and romance.

So without further ado!

I promise that I will keep this post much shorter as it will mostly consist of pictures. There will be pictures of stones, and I will be including some information about each one. However, if you have further curiosities about any of the stones I will include a couple of links to my favorite stone sites at the end of the post.

The stones I will be including are by no means the only ones available to work on your heart space, these are the ones I happen to have and have thus decided to work with. I decided to include them all in one photo, they will be left to right, top to bottom.

None of your tools have to fancy or elaborate, you can make them all yourself if you're super crafty. That pun was only slightly unintended.  ;)

So, here we go!

When it comes to healing your heart space, or your heart charka, I believe that it is important to have a good foundation, which can equate to having a stable root charka.

I will openly admit that I am not well versed in the complexities of working with charkas, I have very little knowledge. I am speaking only of what has been taught to me, so this is how I personally am proceeding. 

When it comes to a foundation, I have a couple of favorite stones that I work with to help keep me grounded. 

Hematite, Tiger's Eye, and Smoky Quartz. My personal favorite right now is Red Tiger's Eye. The thing I love about Red Tiger's eye is that it all of the properties of regular Tiger's Eye, but it has a little bit more of a punch. It helps to maintain vitality, promotes courage and even assists with motivation for self care. It's also known as Dragon's Eye. 

I love Smoky Quartz SO MUCH. I wrote about this amazing stone in my post title They Find You, so you can click the link for a some additional info. Smoky Quartz is great at absorbing negative energy, which is why it's so important to cleanse them, which you can do in the light of the full moon. 

Another one of my favorite stones is Snake Skin Agate. This stone is actually connected with the sacral chakra which is located right above the root chakra. 

Snake Skin Agate comes in sever different forms, this one I picked up at the local shop in town. This stone is pretty self explanatory, but just in case; it encourages the removal of all that doesn't serve you. This stone helps to release the past just as a snake sheds it's old and tried skin leaving a shining new layer of scales. By shedding and releasing the past, we are letting go of what we have grown out of, so that we can continue to grow.

Three crystals that I will be working with for my heart space are Rose Quartz, Green Moonstone, and Emerald. 

Green Moonstone might seem like a strange choice, but there are a couple of reasons I decided to include it here. When I did my first full moon ritual back in December which you can read about here, Green Moonstone was one of the two crystals that act as a touch stone for my work on inner peace. 

This stone is fantastic for several things. Not only does it encourage a 'go with the flow' perspective, but it has a very nurturing and loving energy to it. It helps to promote self love, balance, self care, it helps to see the big picture and helps in stabilizing emotions when they're all topsy-turvy.

Next is Emerald, this might seem like an obvious choice, but Emerald actually has a very special place in my heart, which you will learn about in part four of this series. (That last pun was mostly unintended.)

Emerald is said to be the stone of successful love. It not only promotes love, but healing as well as having a protective quality.

Rose Quartz may sound like your stereotypical 'love stone' but there is a reason for that. Rose Quartz is not just about romantic love, it's a stone for all levels of love. Self love being one of the most important. My adorable kitty got her paws on my tumbled stone, so I decided to purchase a Rose Quartz point to wear, I rarely take it off.

Since I have a chalice specifically for ritual purposes, I will be using that to hold the water as my offering to the Goddess. 

I will be using my bell to clear myself and my space.

If you opt to have ritual specific tools, you'll want to make sure that ritual is all they are used for. Dedicating them is also a nice gesture to the Universe.

These candles I will light when I am ready to start the writing portion of my ritual. I chose these colors because they coincide with the intention for my ritual.

Red: Energy, vitality, and strength, health, passion, love, protection, strength, courage, warmth, action.

White:Spiritual enlightenment, cleansing, healing, truth-seeking, purity, peace, truth, protection.

Pink: Devotion, love, tenderness, faith, friendship, romance, forming partnerships, peace, emotional healing, care.


This is a Love votive that I picked up at the local metaphysical shop that will act as my working candle during the ritual.

I will be burning Lavender incense as it is associate with love, healing, protection and happiness.

 Now, I do realize that not everyone is able to burn candles where they live. If that's the case, try different colored votive holders with the little LED candles. It's the symbolism that we're looking for.

Same thing with incense, try using the herb that you're wanting to use and make your own, just remember to go with your gut!

Many blessings to you and yours, 

Thealynn

Charka Stone Guide

Crystalpedia

Magic of Crystals

Crystal Meanings

©2013-2015 Thealynn

They Find You

Hello again lovies,

I told you I wouldn't be gone for long! I'm going to try and keep this post on the shorter side because this is a subject that I intend to go into more detail with, but this was too cool for me not to share with you today!

I began working with crystals a little over a year now. There is a one shop in town that sells them, and the woman who owns the shop has been doing so for the last fourteen years. Very wise, very knowledgeable. I've spent enough time there, that now I volunteer when I can.

The first time I went in to purchase stones for myself I was a bit nervous, because I had never expected to work with stones, at the time I didn't believe they could do anything for me. With the situation I was facing, I was about ready to try anything.

I started off fairly simple, a few here, a few there. A few for home, a couple to keep at work. I could feel some results, even if all it was doing was putting a wall between me and what was happening-I'd take it!

Well, several months passed by and I felt called to do a meditation, and I chose to do so with a couple of my stones.

Let me tell you, it knocked me on my ass! The mediation was so deep, and the messages I received so clear, and vivid, I was almost afraid to touch them after that! But of course I did, carefully, but I did.

I decided that I would reserve my use of them for when I really needed it, which is also what I did with my tarot and oracle cards.

Why you may ask?

I was concerned that if I used them too often, I would become dependent on their guidance, and that it would lessen and distort the messages I received.

A fair and logical conclusion, but not terribly accurate. The truth of the matter was that I didn't trust my guides, my tools or myself enough to work with them freely.

As time went on, I would use them here and there, and would occasionally pick up additional stones. My little gem family now has around 50 members! Including two new additions from today.

When I went into the shop, I had an intention of spending less than five dollars, since that was how much cash I had with me, and I was looking for a stone to help me with the headaches that I had been experiencing.

There was another guest in the shop, who I ended up helping along with the volunteer who was on duty. Once she was taken care of, I asked for assistance with the reason for my visit.

Most of the stones that were listed for helping headaches I either had or were not in the shop, a few were over the budget I had set for myself. I kept coming back to the smoky quartz, which surprisingly enough was not already a part of my gem family.

Next to it on the table were yellow jasper. Before I could even process the thought, I had one ready to take home. The smoky quartz were almost overflowing! I had a little bit more of a time trying to find the one that was meant to come home with me, but I found 'em!

The nice thing about shopping locally is that the prices are almost unbeatable, but I know that not everyone has that option. So if not, I would HIGHLY recommend the shops I mentioned in my previous post. Not only are they run by amazing women, but helping others through spiritual tools is infused with their life's purpose.

The first blurb about yellow jasper is from the Sage Goddess listing. The description is just too perfect, and it just instilled so much encouragement and confidence in my intuition.

"First, let me say how important the solar plexus Chakra is to your energy's well being. It's the center of your Chakra system, the source of your power, and the core of your personal evolution. It connects the upper and lower Chakras, creating a sense of alignment that's unmatched. Any stone of the yellow ray can balance the solar plexus Chakra, creating a strong foundation. Yellow Jasper takes it a step further. It creates a sense of stability and gives one a feeling of being "enough". Enough to make it through your hardest times and to deal with any situation. I love to carry yellow jasper whenever my confidence is lacking and I need a bit of a boost.

Yellow jasper takes its time when working on your center, but is no less powerful. True change takes time to development and this stone makes sure you are fully prepared to roar with full lioness power. "

The second is from a website that I use quite frequently, the link will be here.

"Smoky quartz is a very protective and grounding stone. It brings physical and psychic protection. It is also an excellent stone for protection from negative energy, as It removes negativity and negative energy of any kind and transforms them to positive energy.

As a root chakra stone, smoky quartz enhances survival instincts, and can help one reach personal and business goals. It is also used in assisting in making wishes come true by grounding their essence in reality.  Thus, it is a stone that brings abundance, prosperity, and good luck.

 Smoky quartz also works energetically to assist in prioritizing needs and wants, and brings wisdom to every day life.

Emotionally, smoky quartz is excellent for elevating moods, overcoming negative emotions, and relieving depression. Smoky quartz relieves stress, fear, jealousy, anger and other negative emotions by transforming them into positive energies. It is a helpful stone for enhancing and encouraging courage and inner strength. Smoky quartz is very comforting and calming, and can be considered a stone of serenity. It can, therefore, be very helpful in relieving grief."

There is a BUNCH of information about the smoky quartz, but this is what stuck out to me the most.

So, I went up to pay for my newest friends, and related the prices, the volunteer shaved fifty cents off of one of the stones because it was so small (something the shop owner does all the time so no worries there) which means that I went from spending half of my budget to only forty percent!

You might be wondering why I'm so excited over saving fifty cents, and I will tell you why. I am excited because I not only set myself a budget, I stuck to it; I not only saved money, but I was UNDER BUDGET. I decided to give that fifty cents back to the shop in the form of a donation to help build and restore a property that will serve as sanctuary for those in need, and a retreat for like minded individuals, which is scheduled to be up and running next year.

I saw a piece of cats eye that was calling to me, but I decided not to, because it would mean that I had one dollar left over, meaning that I would have spend ninety percent of my budget. As much as I felt like I could use it, I reminded myself that I had spent over a year putting off buying a smoky quartz. The cats eye could wait a few weeks, or longer if need be.

I might be getting some strange looks through the computer screen as to why I'm looking at such a small amount of money as such a big deal. I'm sure that I will write more about this in another post, but for now suffice it to say that I am working on changing the way I look at money, my relationship with money and how I handle money. That story in and of itself will take a post or two.

While this one might not have been as short as I had originally intended, I am pleased that I was able to share so much, that I have ideas for future posts, and that I have the drive and desire to post!

I am going to try and stay away for another couple of days so I can focus on studying for my last final and when it's all over I will give a sigh of relief and gratitude, and come write some more!

The idea that I should make a list of the topics I want to write about really makes me smile, not only do I not want to forget anything, but that I am so eager to share it. I just have to hold out until Wednesday!

Until we meet again, may you be showered with love by those around you, and may you know that the dreams which live inside your heart are achievable.

Blessings to you all,

Thealynn

©2013-2015 Thealynn