Tools and Resources; Healing from Sexual Assault

Hello my dears,

When I decided to come out to you all about my experience surviving sexual assault, I knew from the get-go that I wasn't going to stop there, but that I would want to share the tools I've been using to help me with the healing process. I also knew that I wanted to share resources, some of which I have utilized myself, that can at least be a starting point.

I think it goes without saying that no tool by itself is ever going to cure the hurt or take away the anger that I feel, true healing doesn't work on a time table and must be consistently nurtured, there is no cure-all, there is no way to make it vanish without a trace.

You may be wondering why I didn't include these things in the first two articles I wrote concerning my experience. Believe me, it did cross my mind, I thought about it long and hard before hitting the little 'publish' button that makes these pieces available for everyone to see.

The fact is that I was in a place where I simply needed to express myself, and say what I needed to say. I needed to be able to cry as I wrote and process those emotions and do so in a space that was specifically designed for that. I needed to allow myself that time and space to be vulnerable and raw and to not hold back, so that's what I did.

I have said this before, and I doubt that this is the last time I will say this but for the sake of putting it out there: some of these are tools that I work with in my own personal practice. In no way do I believe that they are the end all, be all or that they will work for everyone.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way ~

The first step I would encourage everyone to do is to report the incident to the police. I understand and relate first hand how humiliating and shameful it can feel to go to a complete stranger and tell them about your experience.  I myself went to two different police stations to report my attacker. I initially went to the police station in my town, but because the crime was committed in a different county, I needed to go there instead.

Before I move on, I want to say that I was treated with dignity and respect by both of the officers with whom I spoke, and have worked with. Both were kind and compassionate and gave me peace of mind as I took these first steps.

The next step I would also encourage of everyone is to go to the hospital or if you are able to, go their first. Again, it can be frightening, humiliating and shameful, but it can not only be beneficial to your case, but you can also be treated for any STI's that may have been passed to you. If you do head to the hospital first, they can always contact the police for you there.

I would also encourage everyone to seek professional help. Whether you yourself are a survivor or someone you love is, having someone who is professionally trained and is unbiased to help you work through your struggles is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Please do not let the lack of insurance be a road block to you getting the help that you need, there are so many payment free options, such as community counselors, support groups, and online support.

There is help available to you, don't fall into the trap of telling yourself that you are 'fine' if you are not, it's okay to not be after experiencing such trauma.

I would also encourage you to not let the outcomes of publicized rape cases be an excuse to not go to the police.  It is incredibly discouraging to see so many in such a short amount of time, let alone all of the cases we never hear about. But carrying the regret of not doing more, not doing something, is optional.

I remember thinking that I wasn't going to report my case because I knew my attacker, and that I couldn't imagine what this would do to his life. It took me four days to dig up the courage and decide to go.

Part of what has kept me going and has helped me the most is that I am actively choosing to live my life the way that I want to live it, or at the very least, trying my damnedest to do so. Doing everything in my power to receive justice and to reclaim my life has been the biggest healer of all.

Some days it's unspeakably difficult, I don't always feel like being alive when I wake up. So I think about the things that make me happy, that make me smile. In my mind I picture the things that make my life worth living, I picture my future getting closer and closer every day that I continue to move forward.

As far as what I do personally in addition to what I have listed above, I spend as much time with my friends and family as I am able to. These people are my anchors to the life I lived before I was attacked, and they help to remind me who that person was, and how I can make my way back to her.

This might go without saying also, but I write, A LOT. There are so many things that I write or record of just me talking so that I can release the intense emotions that I feel. Expressing myself creatively is an outlet for the pain and the frustration. If you don't consider yourself a creative person that's okay, maybe your outlet is through physical activity. Just finding an outlet and allowing yourself that time can be incredibly beneficial.

This may come as no surprise, but I have a variety of stones that I carry with me every day, that I sleep with under my pillow, and that I meditate with. I even created a crystal grid with them, and recently shared the photo on my Instagram.

Starting in the center we have a Shiva Lingam, at the top we have Lepidolite, Black Tourmaline, Rhodonite, Snowflake Obsidian, Rose Quartz, Smokey Quartz, Rhodocrosite, and Petrified Wood.

These are all stones that either I felt called to, or already had as a part of my collection. Before dedicating them to this specific work, I left them in my window for a moon bath on the full moon, and continue to do so every full moon, so that the previous energy is released back to mama Earth and can be transmuted into energy for other people, places, causes, etc.

I try to do this with all of my stones so that their energy can be replenished and as a form of thanks for the work that they do, as I do my own work.

I still struggle with sleeping well, or even through the night, so a couple of the things I have found that help me is having fresh lavender under my pillow. I also play white noise to help distract me from the constant train of thought. I was fortunate enough that as I was searching for some of the stones I listed above that the shop I was in offered these little lavender bundles, but they are very easily made on your own.

If you are allergic to lavender, this might not be a viable option, but I have found that a calming scent can be incredibly helpful.

Essential oil is another way to go as there are so many varieties available, some are even designed for that calming affect.

One of my dear friends is a doTERRA consultant and gifted me a little bottle of the Wild Orange. I tend to use it on my hands when I travel as it is easy to play off getting a quick whiff to help calm my nerves.

Some times I simply carry the bottle with me if I am not able to wear it, such as when I am at work. Being in a bakery I am constantly wearing gloves and washing my hands, so rather than constantly putting it on and risking the food I touch taste of orange, I can take a quick smell from the bottle in between tasks and not risk cross contamination.

These are just a few of the tools I have been using to help me cope with the trauma and anxiety that comes with being a survivor. I have also pushed myself into working on growing my spiritual practice by getting back into reading. For example, I just finished Starhawk's The Spiral Dance.

Not only did it help me to connect certain thoughts and feelings I had about the Craft to a place of understanding and safety, but there were sections of the book that provided me healing that I wasn't even expecting.

I originally borrow a copy of the 10th Anniversary edition from the same friend who gifted me the doTERRA, and I ended up having it so long I purchased her a replacement copy.

The Spiral Dance is a book that I intend to do a review on in the near future, I hope to be able to do so before the end of the year, but we'll see if we get there.

I also began working through a couple of books with my circle members, one of them is called Following Your Path by Alexandra Collins Dickerman. This book is designed as a work book as you take the journey of the Fool through the archetypes of the major arcana.

The other is called In The Shadow of 13 Moons by Kimberly Sherman-Cook. This book is all about Shadow work, and is designed to work through a thirteen month period as all the work is done during the time of the dark or new moon.

It might seem like heavy work, but these are all forms of me taking control, making conscious choices and doing what I feel is best for me. When I first began to process what had happened to me, I cut off my connection with Spirit completely, I was in no place to even want to think about it.

All of these things came later, when I felt ready. In the first weeks after my attack, I spent a lot of time utilizing the internet, finding out what to expect from this process, and what resources I had available to me.

I have to say though, that none of these things would make the least bit of difference if I didn't want to be here. If I didn't want to fight, if I didn't want my life back, if I didn't want to remain a victim.

Something horrible happened to me, something that I couldn't stop from happening, something that I didn't ask for.  But it happened. And what happens now, for the most part is up to me.

I started taking back control of my life when I decided to go to the police, and even though I have done everything I can do for the time being, I did something. Even if, god forbid my case doesn't go anywhere, I can look back and say that I did what I could.

I refuse to remain a victim, I refuse to live that way. Because I have lived that way, the first several weeks it was all I could do. I needed that time to embrace the pain to the up most of which I could take it. And there are days when I still feel its echo, I honestly don't know if it's something that will ever leave me.

My choice to say no was taken away that night, but every day that I choose to say yes to myself, I heal a little bit more.

Yes, I deserve happiness. Yes, I deserve success. Yes, I deserve justice. Yes, I deserve to have my voice heard. Yes, I deserve the right to say, no. Yes, I deserve to heal.

Every day that I choose to live, to be a survivor, I heal a little bit more. Every day that you choose to, you heal a little bit more.

Yes, you deserve happiness. Yes, you deserve success. Yes, you deserve justice. Yes, you deserve to have your voice heard. Yes, you deserve the right to say no. Yes, you deserve the right to heal.

First and foremost I want to share the phone numbers and chats for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and the National Sexual Assault Hotline.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-273-TALK
Here is the link to the private chat: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx


National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 or 1-800-656-HOPE
Here is the link to the private chat: https://hotline.rainn.org/online/terms-of-service.jsp


https://www.rainn.org/
RAINN is the nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization. They are bursting with information, and one of the main resources I used, including their confidential chat which I utilized while I decided on a therapist. 

https://www.notalone.gov/resources/
Not Alone was also incredibly helpful because it provided me with a list of crisis centers as well as a hot line that is confidential and 24/7

http://www.womenslaw.org/gethelp_national_type.php?type_id=1056
WomensLaw is a great site for information about different organizations, statics, and additional resources to get you the help that you need.

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Lifeline is always a resource to be aware of regardless of what crisis you might be facing, there is someone who is willing to be there for you.

I may not know you, I may never know you. I may never know your story, hear your laughter or be able to hold you while you cry. But wherever you are, know that I love you.

Know that there are people in this world who love you, who need you, who want to be there to support you. Know that you mean something to this world, know that you are not alone.

Blessings to you and yours,

Namaste,

Thealynn

©2013-2016 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Ostara's Easter and the Self Love of the Sacral

Hey loves,

It's been some time since I've felt compelled to write, even though I think about this blog almost every single day. Some times it takes something out of the everyday routine to prompt the urge, even the need to write.

As I'm sure most of you know by now, assuming you've been with me before - I've been on my path for a good while now, and if I'm being frank, half of my family is on what most folks would consider the other side of the fence.

As with most most holidays, my family wanted to spend Easter together, even if it was only a meal - which we had planned to do after they had attended a church service in the morning.

It was perhaps a week and a half prior to these plans when my mother called me. I knew from the moment she got on the phone that something was on her mind. Her tone was more than enough to tell me that whatever she was going to say was going to be difficult for her.

To my relief, it was not a family emergency, it was something considerably more simple.

She wanted me to go to church with them.

Now, my mother knows that I have a different belief system, one that she personally cannot condone or understand; mostly I think because she's already made up her mind about it.

Unlike me, I don't think she's ever doubted her faith or her beliefs, which I genuinely commend her for - so much of the pain and trails she's experienced, we experienced together.

The moment I heard her voice crack, I knew what she was going to ask me.

"I know that you have different beliefs, and we've never talked about them. But it really would me so much if you came to church."

"Oh Mom, it's okay."

"I don't want it to be like my parents where beliefs are pressured to the point where it causes problems, but-"

"Mom. I love you, and I respect you; and if it means that much to you, of course I'll go."

She pulled herself together after that, and I decided not to ask her the main question that was on my mind.

What exactly did she think that church was going to do for me? What about this Easter service was going to reach me in such a way that I could potentially, completely change my way of thinking?

In this particular instance, it only reaffirmed my stance, and strengthened my resolve.

In the midst of counting everything of pagan origin in an attempt to not fall asleep, something about the message for today got to me. As might be expected, the sermon was all about Jesus being resurrected and how it was good news for us all; because we'd finally be able to get into heaven.

While I will not go into every single piece that I disagreed with, there is one that I refuse to be silent about.

While his sermon was unorganized, poorly rehearsed, and over all lacking; this preacher had enough nerve to tell every person sitting in the audience, that they are broken.

This was by no means a small congregation - they were recording from a number of locations and streaming it live online. I don't want to make any grand assumptions about the tax free institution but I think it's fair to say he was quite ballsy in his accusation.

I don't know about anyone else, but the idea of telling a complete stranger that I've never even made eye contact with, that they are broke, unworthy, and really rather pointless without my perspective of what my higher power looks like, is nothing short of egotistical.

As I sat there in that auditorium, I was fuming. I no longer cared if my distaste and displeasure was obvious to anyone. In fact, I even hoped that he would look over and see how disgusted I felt. I hoped that from where I was in my seat, that he could feel the echos of what it really meant to be broken.

To feel that sense of helplessness, of emptiness; the feeling of complete and utter self loathing and failure that comes with being broken. I wanted more than anything for a single moment for him to experience the way the breath catches as one inches towards to edge of oblivion, and the terror of uncertainty even at the brink of making the unchangeable decision to finally release and let go, or to hang on with nothing but the bleeding chips that were once fingernails.

I physically craved for him to know this darkness. I felt my own ego crying out for him to choke on his words as he attempted to pick apart the idea of "different roads leading to the same end" and how by doing that it leaves each individual the ultimatum of deciding what 'good' really means.

At this point I'm sure I could go off on a tangent about balance between light and darkness, good and evil. I could string together pretty words about how the freedom to choose is in fact a blessing and a curse, and that there really is no such thing as 'not choosing' because when it comes to so much of life, there is always a choice.

If I'm being completely honest at this point, this has without a doubt been one of the most difficult articles for me to write. It's taken several attempts not just with trying to convey my ideas and feelings, but also several rounds of technical issues in which everything below the previous paragraph was lost.

More than once the time and effort felt wasted, in one instance I became enraged that for whatever reason there was nothing saved because I was so proud of the picture I had spun together reaching so far and deep within me to create and it was simply gone.

Easter was back in March, and even if this post was going to be a few weeks late, the subject matter was such that I felt it was justified with so much to process. As I am sitting here now reading back over everything, those emotions feel like an echo of someone who felt wronged by a stranger who will never know my name, never know my story; because to him they are all the same in the end.

And maybe for him that's true, and if so, then that's his prerogative. But in the end what it boiled down to me was that he has a very different idea of what love is, and means. From where I'm standing his love feels shallow and weak, and conditional.

I cannot speak for anyone else by myself, but I sincerely believe that love doesn't last without sincere dedication, hard work, struggle, and often times, pain.

They say that nothing worth having is easy/easily obtained. And I genuinely believe that.

While I might not feel like this everyday, at the core of my being, I am grateful for the trials I've experienced. I'm grateful for the people who made life difficult because it lead me to the people who helped me see the strength within myself to conquer those trials.

I'm grateful that I found a belief system that believes in me as I am, accepts me as I am, and doesn't ask me to change unless it's for my greater good. I'm grateful that I belief in such a way that encourages me to love and accept everyone around me for the who they are, even if I don't necessarily agree with them.

With all of that being said, I'm grateful for that preacher. Because not only did he reinforce that I'm on the right path for my personal growth and life, but he also helped me grow from a place of resentment to a place of gratitude.

One of the most beautiful things about self love is that once you find it, you stop concerning yourself with those who lack self love. And when you do interact with those people, they don't have the ability to feed that sense of self loathing because you've already fed it with love and understanding and compassion, which you can then share with those who are also looking for it.

When I originally began this journey through my chakras, I had the idea to go through them within a years time, spending approximately seven weeks on each chakra.

I however have spend the last three months working with this one chakra, and have only move on to the Solar Plexus chakra this past week.

My original intention was not so much to limit myself to working with each one for a set amount of time, but more to deepen my admittedly basic knowledge and to widen my tool set on how to work with each one.

I'm also coming to understand that when I move on to the next chakra, I take the essence of the previous chakras with me, I continue to work with them, it's more that my focus shifts to the next, not my entire self.

Some of the tools I used while focusing on my sacral charka were the Aloha Bay candles, both pillar and tealight, Sun's Eye Sacral Chakra oil, and the stones I used were Orange Calcite and Yellow Jasper.

I didn't do to much meditation on this chakra as much as self evaluation. I also had many discussions with those of like mind who are on similar paths, as I was not only curious for their input but I also rely on their council.

I am going to leave you with this amazing affirmation I found while simply scrolling through some photos, not only because I think it applies to everything I discussed here but because I was so sincerely moved by it's words. I feel it also ties into the next subject I'll be talking about here Through the Secret Door.

Until next time my loves,

Light, love, and blessings to you all,

Thealynn

©2013-2016 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Facing My Chakras

Hey there loves,

This article was originally started on January 25th and was only lacking a few links below when my eyes and brain decided that I needed sleep. I considered changing the flow of the beginning, but decided that it was just as well that leave it.

I hope you enjoy!

Happy Mercury Goes Direct Day!

If you're not sure what that means, that's okay. If you're curious, you can follow the link here and learn all about Mercury Retrograde.

For those who are familiar with Mercury's patterns, you'll possibly be a little more understanding as to why I've stayed a bit on the down low, especially since my current laptop has been having technically problems without Mercury's help.

One thing about Mercury Retrograde that I do love though, is the opportunity to really spend those few weeks looking inward, and focusing on what magic I can work not only for myself but also for others.

I'm learning more and more how much I avoided healing for so long, and how severally it affected nearly every aspect of my life. The Universe has really had to poke and prod me to this point but I've been awakening and warming up to the idea of stepping into my role as a healer.

When I first went in to write that last sentence, I almost wrote "...idea of becoming a healer." Spirit made me stop and really think about that statement.

As broken has I have been and as low as I've found myself, I've always had this goal, this gift, this purpose; of being a healer, being a spiritual guide, of being the light for those who feel too frightened to take the necessary steps.

There were times in the last couple of years where my struggles overflowed into the lives of my loved ones because due to the lack of control I possessed when it came to what I was attempting to work through.

After making a series of changes, I've begun moving to a place where I'm able to not only see my soul's purpose, but my passion as well. I have no illusions about putting myself on any kind of time frame as to how long it will take for this to turn into a career or anything along those lines. For now I am viewing this journey as my own way of thanking the Universe for its support and guidance, and as a promise to not turn a blind eye or to tune out the messages I receive.

One adventure that I've decided to embark on for this year (2016) is I am going to be working on and paying special attention to my chakras.

I've known about the concept of chakras for a few years, and even received a chakra necklace as a birthday gift around 2010 - and it's just now that I am really open to how they work, how they affect everyday life, and what I can do to help myself by being aware of them.

If this is your first time hearing about chakras, there is a channel on Youtube called Spirit Science that has a couple of videos about chakras that make it really easy to understand that I really enjoyed. Here's the link for that: Intro to Chakras.

At the end of the year I am hoping that I'll be able to write an article combining the knowledge I've gained, what I will be doing different for the following year, as well as any tips I picked up along the way.

When I decided that this would be one of my self projects for this year, I was trying to determine how much time I should spend working on each chakra. With there being seven (main) chakras, I wanted to spend a good amount of time with each one, but stick to the one year time frame, starting from root to crown.

After doing a little math, I landed on working with each chakra for seven weeks. Seven chakras, seven weeks landed me with 49 weeks, leaving me with three weeks to play with.

As I go along however, I will be sharing the tools I am using for my work with each chakra.  The main tools that I have been using are; candles, stones, meditation, and essential oil. I'll make sure to include links to my favorite meditations.

The candles I have been using are from Aloha Bay. About this time last year when I was working on healing my heart space, which I wrote about in my Open Heart Series, I burned the heart chakra candles.

The smell is amazing, they burn beautifully and they come in two different sizes. I've also been using Root Chakra essential oil from Sun's Eye. They smell fantastic, and prior to acquiring my oil burner I would just take a wiff or two whenever I needed some grounding and reminding of my work.

I've been working with a couple of different stones to connect and to help heal my root chakra. The first stone I've been working with is garnet. Partially because it is a root chakra stone but also because it's a good stone for Capricorn, which I am.

 The other stone I've been working with Carnelian. Another good stone for Caps, and I learned that it can be used to with the first three chakras; root, sacral and solar plexus - but I'll be using other stones when I'm ready to move one.

As an additional way to connect and become more aware, I've been working with the Chakra Wisdom Oracle Cards by Tori Hartman. One the full and new moons I pull a card to see which chakra needs some healing and love, because I believe it's important to not ignore the rest while I might be focusing on one.

A friend purchased the set, and was kind enough to let me work with them a little bit, and I fell in love with them. I fully intend on acquiring my own.

One card in particular as come up almost every time I pulls cards, which I think is really quiet beautiful.

 "You are being given a chance to awaken to a new life. You may need to deepen your roots and anchor yourself by taking stock of what you would like to create. This is a time to start again and grow a strong foundation."

Before I even decided to begin this journey with my chakras, this card came to me, and I have to say it's repeated appearance serves as a reminder and a re-enforcement for the path that I am starting on.

Hopefully in the next couple of weeks I will be ready and able to write about my tarot card for 2016 as well as the card's counter part as I believe it could also give some additional insights.

I mentioned above that I have been using meditation as a tool to assist me in connecting with my root chakra, here are the three that I have found that I really enjoy.

They vary in length, as some times you have more time to meditate some days than others.

I'm including three different Root Chakra meditations, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, and 25 minutes.

This ten minute meditation is composed of beautiful singing bowls. Perfect if you only have a few minutes, and just want to get in touch with your root chakra.

Singing Bowl Root Chakra Meditation

This next meditation is the one I started out with. It's almost a half an hour long, and it's guided, which can be incredibly helpful if you're not used to meditating, or if you're new to working with your chakras, like I am.

Guided Root Chakra Meditation

This meditation is probably my favorite one, it's a good amount of time and really gets you connected with your root chakra. One thing I will say about this meditation is that rather than having any kind of call back, it just ends.

I would recommend setting some kind of timer for a minute or so after the meditation ends to help bring you back, I've also found that wiggling fingers and toes helps to bring back the feeling of being grounded; and I always encourage people I work with to take their time coming out of a meditative state.

Deepak Chopra Root Meditation

I hope you find these meditations helpful, and that if you do begin your own journey working on your chakras, please know that there is no 'appropriate time frame' to work on each one.

Light, love, and blessings to you all,

Thealynn

©2013-2016 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Looking in an Honest Mirror

Hey there lovies,

It's been a little while since I've talked about some of the more personal, nonspiritual aspects of my life so I thought that I would give a little bit of an update. I get the feeling that there are a lot of people out there who are under the impression that because someone might take a spiritual approach to life that we do not face the same struggles as someone who takes a more 'traditional religious' road or even a path free of any form of faith. Or that because of our perspective that we are able to maintain that perspective at all times and that we don't ever face times of doubt.

Both of which are untrue.

While all of the work that was done during my Open Heart series and all of the progress was made, which was surprisingly successful, there is still a lot of work to be done. I have mentioned in previous posts touching briefly on certain aspects of my shadowself that are particularly difficult to deal with when they make themselves known.

I was having a recent conversation with a close friend of mine about the struggles I've been facing recently, and they asked me if I had been maintaining my practice, and I admitted that I had been shying away from it a bit because of how I worry about infusing my practice with negativity.

Which I realize might sound silly, because one of the main reasons people turn to their faith of choice when they are struggling. In fact when I began walking this path again almost three years ago it was because I was facing a major crisis and desperately felt like I needed something to hold on to, something to serve as an anchor.

Now being as immersed as I am and as dedicated as I want to be, it fills me with no end of guilt that I am afraid of what I might be confronted with by working too closely with my guides; which stems from being worried about not being able to handle what is happening in other aspects of my life.

I've slowly been working on releasing the reins of control and being content with doing my best. I've been told that this is not uncommon but I have a tendency to hold myself to higher standards than I hold everyone else which often leads to me stressing and psyching myself out over 'not doing enough' or 'not doing well enough' when in reality I am doing just fine.

I also have a nasty habit of reliving conversations or events that hold a lot of negative feelings, perpetuating negative cycles. I also have the tendency to compartmentalize issues to the point where I literally forget about them, at least until they become a raging monster and infinitely more difficult to deal with.

There have been times in the past where things in my life have gotten so out of hand where it really feels like there is no way out-which is not true, no matter how difficult things seem.

It's occurred to me for some time that if I am really going to get a handle of things, on my life and live it the way I know it can be lived there are changes that must be made; figuring out how to make those choices in a way that they stick and are effective is a matter unto itself.

Earlier in the year I pulled a tarot card that would represent the theme of 2015 and it was a simple, yet loaded word: Choice.

Every day, every moment is a choice; even the seemingly most insignificant moments of our lives present us with a choice. Sometimes making those choices are more difficult than others, not acting, or responding are choices.

It's difficult to remember that some times, and some times we just don't feel like hearing it; we become desensitized to the sentiment.

While it's been something I know I have needed for quiet some time, I have done some research and reached out to a counselor for some professional assistance in getting my life on a healthier track and a better idea of what is causing my struggles so that I can deal with them on every aspect, not just a spiritual one.

I know that not everyone agrees one way or the other about any form of assistance or treatment, depending on where you're coming from. But just like I have said about working with guides, or with crystals and stones; you are the priority. Do what needs to be done for you.

This is something I feel confident about doing. I've always had an idea of what the root of my problems might have been, but I've never been entirely sure how to full identify or even fully heal. This is something I owe myself if I want to move forward and continue moving forward.

Am I scared?

I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous about taking this step. I have no illusions about how difficult the work might be, but I do have hopes for what the results will look like. 

Light and love to you all dears,

Thealynn

©2013-2015 Thealynn

Behind Door Number Two

Hey there lovies,

Welcome to Part Three of my Open Heart Series!

If you have not read Part One or Part Two you can click the links and get all caught up! What started as a minor project has blossomed into a journey of how, why, and how to!

Part Three is much more of a journal piece versus a spiritual one, but just like my Behind Door Number One, and A Little Bit Stronger posts, I feel that it is essential to the journey ahead. It will give you a little more background on me, and how I got to where I am. As we can all attest to, every journey begins with a single step, and this is my first step on a journey to heal and open my heart. 

Even though this is part three in the series, this was the first post that I wrote. I had intended it to be the first post, but with the new moon so close I wanted to make sure that that the ritual and tool information was available to you as soon as possible. 

Following pieces of this series will include a retelling of a of a personal meditative experience, some meditations that I find helpful, ways to connect with your guides and of course the resulting experience of the February Full Moon Ritual through Sage Goddess.

So without further ado!

I will readily admit that when I decided to follow through with the Open Heart Series I wasn't entirely sure what I was getting myself into. 

Since joining a couple of groups and working with like minded people I've been instilled with the courage to get out of my own head space and just follow what feels right, and it's been an amazing experience, however it's also been a huge influx of energy.

In all honesty it's been a bit overwhelming. Not in a negative sense by any means, but very draining. As I'm learning to balance school and all of the work I am doing personally, with my group and for this blog I am learning more and more the importance of working with my stones and meditating to center and ground myself. 

If you've been with me for a whole then you know that I have been working on releasing fear from my life, and it's been going well so far. Until I realized how close I was getting to dealing with the number one emotional obstacle I've ever faced. 

My fear of relationship getting into another relationship.

Typing that last sentence was easily one of the most difficult things I have done in this short year. But I knew that it was the first step, the second being that I would then need to figure out the big, "Why?"

In all honesty it's incredibly difficult for me to write about. Looking back to when I went to write about my anxiety it was something that I just needed to channel out of me. To get it right in front to me, to see it for what it really is. Somehow that has been easier than this. 

The truth of the matter is that this is absolutely terrifying. As important as I know that it is to face and deal with all of this, it's caused some serious anxiety for me. Which unfortunately has been piled on top of other worries, so the last few days have been very hard. 

Everything began piling up and before I knew it I felt like I was exactly where I started. I hate feeling so out of control, and the feelings of helplessness. It just feels as though everything that I have done hasn't been good enough, because look; I'm still here dealing with it. I haven't fixed it yet, why haven't I fixed it?

It wasn't until this most recent episode that I realized why I'm afraid to be in another relationship. I finally understood the reason why I am so scared for my life partner to actually find me.

I'm afraid of me. 

I am scared and worried that even after all of the work that I have been putting in to making myself, being happy with who I am, and self-sufficient, that it won't be enough. That I won't be able to keep up my progress, that I won't be ready when he gets here. 

I am terrified that no matter how hard I've tried to move on and let go of the past, that history will end up repeating itself, and that I'll have to start all over again. 

When I ended my engagement almost three years ago, it almost destroyed me on every single level. It wasn't so much that the relationship was over because in reality, it had been over for a long time, I just didn't know it. 

The way that it happened, the way that I was told, and learning how I had been living a lie for the previous three years, it was just too much. The events that followed were just as traumatic; seeing him move on so quickly with someone else, erasing every piece of evidence that we were ever together was just as heartbreaking. 

When I began spending time with my now ex-boyfriend, I felt compelled to tell him how much I felt I wasn't ready for a relationship, how broken I felt and how I just didn't think I could be with someone again so soon.

He was understanding and compassionate, and let me call the shots. After a week of spending almost every day together, I knew I had to make a decision. I knew that I wouldn't be staying in the area, I was leaving in a matter of months, did I really want to start something?

I followed my feelings, and I am grateful everyday that I did. We were together for thirteen months, more then half were spent long distance. In that short amount of time he took care of me in a way I had never been taken care of before, he showed me what it was like to be cherished and appreciated. Something I had never experienced in an almost ten year relationship.

I still cared for him immensely when we decided to call it quits. I knew in my heart that it was the right thing to do, that the situation wasn't fair to either of us, and at the time he was giving more to the relationship then I was. I knew I had to let him go. Even with all of that knowledge it took me over a year to fully let go. 

I am now worlds and even lifetimes away from those days, but when I really stop to think, it hits me how it hasn't been that long. Even though I have made tremendous progress with my life and within myself, I've been able to do all of those things because I made the decision to focus on me.

I've been adamantly against being in a relationship because it occurred to me that I had never really been single in my adult life. The five months between ending one relationship and getting into another doesn't provide a lot of personal discovery time.

When things ended this last time, I was determined to not jump into anything right away. A little over a year later, I still don't necessarily feel ready to get back out there. I know that I still have work to do, and that there are things I want to be better sorted before a relationship comes knocking.

So instead of worrying about it so much, and feeding the anxiety, I am going to trust that the Universe knows what is for my highest good, and continue focusing on what I can change. 

It something that it is much easier said then done, but I really believe that it is something that I can do. I certainly do not expect things to change overnight, just like I don't expect this to be an easy journey. One thing I do expect is that the rewards will be infinitely worth the effort. 

Sending you light and love,

Thealynn


As an additional note, I wanted to take a moment to recognize my friend J who was patient and helpful when I was struggling to write this piece. Our conversations were exactly what I needed, your encouragement especially. You have my deepest thanks.

©2013-2015 Thealynn

Open Heart Ritual Tools

Hey there lovies,

Welcome to Part Two of my Open Heart Mini-Series!

If you have not read Part One, there's a link for that!

Following pieces of this mini series will include a retelling of a of a personal meditative experience, some meditations that I find helpful and of course the resulting experience of the February Full Moon Ritual through Sage Goddess.

I should also disclose that as there are a couple of weeks to go before the full moon ritual, there may be a post or two in there that might not be a part of the series. There is more time between the next full moon than I have topics to write about, at least when it comes to love and romance.

So without further ado!

I promise that I will keep this post much shorter as it will mostly consist of pictures. There will be pictures of stones, and I will be including some information about each one. However, if you have further curiosities about any of the stones I will include a couple of links to my favorite stone sites at the end of the post.

The stones I will be including are by no means the only ones available to work on your heart space, these are the ones I happen to have and have thus decided to work with. I decided to include them all in one photo, they will be left to right, top to bottom.

None of your tools have to fancy or elaborate, you can make them all yourself if you're super crafty. That pun was only slightly unintended.  ;)

So, here we go!

When it comes to healing your heart space, or your heart charka, I believe that it is important to have a good foundation, which can equate to having a stable root charka.

I will openly admit that I am not well versed in the complexities of working with charkas, I have very little knowledge. I am speaking only of what has been taught to me, so this is how I personally am proceeding. 

When it comes to a foundation, I have a couple of favorite stones that I work with to help keep me grounded. 

Hematite, Tiger's Eye, and Smoky Quartz. My personal favorite right now is Red Tiger's Eye. The thing I love about Red Tiger's eye is that it all of the properties of regular Tiger's Eye, but it has a little bit more of a punch. It helps to maintain vitality, promotes courage and even assists with motivation for self care. It's also known as Dragon's Eye. 

I love Smoky Quartz SO MUCH. I wrote about this amazing stone in my post title They Find You, so you can click the link for a some additional info. Smoky Quartz is great at absorbing negative energy, which is why it's so important to cleanse them, which you can do in the light of the full moon. 

Another one of my favorite stones is Snake Skin Agate. This stone is actually connected with the sacral chakra which is located right above the root chakra. 

Snake Skin Agate comes in sever different forms, this one I picked up at the local shop in town. This stone is pretty self explanatory, but just in case; it encourages the removal of all that doesn't serve you. This stone helps to release the past just as a snake sheds it's old and tried skin leaving a shining new layer of scales. By shedding and releasing the past, we are letting go of what we have grown out of, so that we can continue to grow.

Three crystals that I will be working with for my heart space are Rose Quartz, Green Moonstone, and Emerald. 

Green Moonstone might seem like a strange choice, but there are a couple of reasons I decided to include it here. When I did my first full moon ritual back in December which you can read about here, Green Moonstone was one of the two crystals that act as a touch stone for my work on inner peace. 

This stone is fantastic for several things. Not only does it encourage a 'go with the flow' perspective, but it has a very nurturing and loving energy to it. It helps to promote self love, balance, self care, it helps to see the big picture and helps in stabilizing emotions when they're all topsy-turvy.

Next is Emerald, this might seem like an obvious choice, but Emerald actually has a very special place in my heart, which you will learn about in part four of this series. (That last pun was mostly unintended.)

Emerald is said to be the stone of successful love. It not only promotes love, but healing as well as having a protective quality.

Rose Quartz may sound like your stereotypical 'love stone' but there is a reason for that. Rose Quartz is not just about romantic love, it's a stone for all levels of love. Self love being one of the most important. My adorable kitty got her paws on my tumbled stone, so I decided to purchase a Rose Quartz point to wear, I rarely take it off.

Since I have a chalice specifically for ritual purposes, I will be using that to hold the water as my offering to the Goddess. 

I will be using my bell to clear myself and my space.

If you opt to have ritual specific tools, you'll want to make sure that ritual is all they are used for. Dedicating them is also a nice gesture to the Universe.

These candles I will light when I am ready to start the writing portion of my ritual. I chose these colors because they coincide with the intention for my ritual.

Red: Energy, vitality, and strength, health, passion, love, protection, strength, courage, warmth, action.

White:Spiritual enlightenment, cleansing, healing, truth-seeking, purity, peace, truth, protection.

Pink: Devotion, love, tenderness, faith, friendship, romance, forming partnerships, peace, emotional healing, care.


This is a Love votive that I picked up at the local metaphysical shop that will act as my working candle during the ritual.

I will be burning Lavender incense as it is associate with love, healing, protection and happiness.

 Now, I do realize that not everyone is able to burn candles where they live. If that's the case, try different colored votive holders with the little LED candles. It's the symbolism that we're looking for.

Same thing with incense, try using the herb that you're wanting to use and make your own, just remember to go with your gut!

Many blessings to you and yours, 

Thealynn

Charka Stone Guide

Crystalpedia

Magic of Crystals

Crystal Meanings

©2013-2015 Thealynn

Open Heart New Moon Ritual

Hey there lovies,

Welcome to Part One of my Open Heart Mini-Series!

If you're not quiet sure what I'm talking about, I mentioned this briefly in my Plans for the Bloggity, so if you're curious pop on over there and read if you have not already. 

Following pieces of this mini series will include a picture guide to my ritual tools for the new moon ritual, a retelling of a personal meditative experience, some meditations that I find helpful and of course the resulting experience of the February Full Moon Ritual through Sage Goddess.

I should also disclose that as there are a couple of weeks to go before the full moon ritual, there may be a post or two in there that might not be a part of the series. There is more time between the next full moon than I have topics to write about, at least when it comes to love and romance.

So without further ado!

I would first like to say that I usually do not plan my rituals out prior to them taking place. Planning ahead of time is not something I have a lot of practice in since I have just recently begun trying to keep track of moon phases, and holidays, etc.

I put some thought into this ritual and wanted it to be simple, nothing overly elaborate, but at the end of the day it really is up to you. Even though I am using specific wording and specific items, when you are doing a ritual it is much more powerful to use your own words. If you're just getting started and need a little guidance, that's what my specifics are there for. But do not feel like you have to use something I said or suggested if it doesn't feel right, the ritual is for you!

When I began to think about how I wanted this ritual to go, and the focus of this ritual, I began to think of what exactly I am trying to manifest. The tricky thing about doing so is to have a very clear idea of what it is you're trying to achieve.

For me, I am working on opening my heart to extend and receive love in preparation of meeting my partner for this life. 

I've known for some time of what I am looking for in a companion, but it occurred to me that knowing specifics about a person doesn't necessarily translate to what I want out of the relationship.

I think there is a misconception that if you know the details of what kind of partner you want, that it will automatically mean that the relationship will be a long lasting, healthy, mutually beneficial, respectful, loving relationship.

There is this mentality of, 'Oh, if only I could find x, y, and z in a person; then I'd be set.' Which as nice as that sounds, isn't always the case, or even realistic. 

With that in mind, we are going to jump right in. Since I have a little more time I'll be going into a bit more detail with step by step guide lines that you can follow as they are, mix them up, add your own stuff-this is really to help you get started.

Everything that I am listing is completely optional, these are the tools I usually work with.

Candles
Incense
Paper
Writing Utensil 
Clearing Agent (besome, bell, smudge stick)
Lighter/Matches
Glass of Water
Salt

You'll want to have everything that you need before you begin. One really important aspect of doing ritual is that you a creating what is called sacred space. You are taking dedicated time to commune with your guides, you are connecting with the Universe, and your higher self.

I like to gather my things in the space I will be using, and take a few deep breaths. I usually like to clear myself first with whichever tool I decided to use. Since it is a new moon, I will be using my bell versus my sage.

Since the New Moon is time for planting seeds and new beginnings, I opt not to use sage. I associate sage with clearing all things away, negativity is the main focus, but I don't like the idea of the blessings being carried out by the smoke along with the negativity. Go with whatever your gut tells you.

As you are clearing yourself and the space you will be working in, be mindful of your breathing. Visualize the space around you being surrounded by a white shimmering veil, and once you have gone around it steals to create your sacred space.

It is so important that you cleanse your self and your work space before you do a ritual. When you create sacred space you are sending out your intentions to the Universe to manifest, regardless of what you are trying to achieve. If there is any negativity or ill feelings while you work, that will be sent out with whatever else you are working towards, and things might not go as planned.

If you're having trouble focusing before a ritual and you can't shake the not so happy juju, try mediating and clearing you mind of all things except for a white light, or whatever color you associate with calmness. Let your mind start in the dark and let that light grow brighter and brighter until you are completely encompassed and you feel that light washing away what's holding you down. Let it fill you up until you can feel it tingling in your toes and fingers and then slowly let it go. Let the calm say with you as the light dims. I find it helpful to let the light form into a little shining ball that you can pull out whenever you might need it.

Some times that's not always as helpful as we would like, so try taking a shower and letting yourself relax and unwind. A ritual bath with Epsom salt is another great way to not only clear yourself but to relax any time!

Moving right along! 

When I am clearing I have a little mantra I like to say, and again you can write your own, you can use what I say, you can go and find something on the internet-just make sure that it resonates with you. You are creating this space with your power, you want to make sure it sticks!

I usually start with the north corner and work my way around in a clockwise direction until I am back at north. (Again, this is all about your preference and what makes you comfortable.)

As I cleanse I repeat my mantra three times:

I cleanse myself of all negativity
I cleanse myself of all negativity
I cleanse myself of all negativity

I banish all negativity from this space
I banish all negativity from this space
I banish all negativity from this space

Once my circle is raised, I call the corners. I like to start with North and follow in a clockwise fashion. I also like to call my animal guides as I call the corners. I do this because I have a very strong tie to my totems, and they have all come to me in the form of an element. Most of the time they are the same guides, some times I have a special guide with me during the time of the ritual, so I let my intuition guide me.

If you have an totem that you wish to call to assist you in your goals, don't be shy, they are there to help! Invite them to join you after the corners have been called if that's what feels right to you. 

I call to the corners of the North. Element of Earth, our Mother. I ask for your presence  as I do work this night. Might I succeed in perfect love and perfect trust with the assistance of my guide of the North, Wolf. 

I always get a feeling within myself as a response, once I have received it I say,

I feel your presence Great North, and that of my guide, I thank you.

I call to the corners of the East. Element of Air, our Father. I ask for your presence  as I do work this night. Might I succeed in perfect love and perfect trust with the assistance of my guide of the East, Dragon.

I feel your presence Independent East and that of my guide, I thank you.

I call to the corners of the South. Element of Fire, ignighter of Passion and Creativity. I ask for your presence  as I do work this night. Might I succeed in perfect love and perfect trust with the assistance of my guide of the South, Horse. 

I feel your presence Spirited South and that of my guide, I thank you.

I call to the corners of the West. Element of Water, sustainer of all Life. I ask for your presence as I do work this night. Might I succeed in perfect love and perfect trust with the assistance of my guide of the West, Orca.

I feel your presence Mysterious West, and that of my guide, I thank you.

In the presence of my guides and of the Elements, I humbly invite the Lord and Lady into my circle. God and Goddess, may you watch over me and guide me in my work inside and outside of this circle. I come to you this night as I work towards my highest good, in perfect love and perfect trust, I welcome you to join me in circle tonight.

I feel your presence My Lord. I feel your presence My Lady. I thank you.

Once that is done I will usually take another deep breath and invite any other guides that might be near that wish to lend me their strength, and I thank them as well. 

At this point I usually light my incense and a candle. I state my intention for the ceremony. Because my focus is opening my heart, I'll probably say something along the lines of,

As I continue to release fear from my life, and heal my heart space, I wish to open my heart to the love of the world. I wish to extend love to those who are in need, as well as to receive love in return. My desire is to not only live free of fear but to live with true inner peace, knowing that this will ultimately serve my highest good. Let me not shy away from affection and appreciation, help me to accept them with an open and thankful heart. 

While I do ultimately wish to be connected with my twin flame, I wish to be prepared. I desire nothing more than to be what he needs as a friend, companion and partner, just as he will be for me. May I be shown the way towards this path and not be faint of heart with the work to be done. 

I ask this from a place of deep humility and respect for divine timing. Let this take place only to fulfill my highest good as I hope to use all of this life's experiences to help heal the world. May I find and maintain the strength in surrender as I send this intention to the four corners of the earth, to the ends of the Universe and beyond. 

I would then verbally tie off my intention, most commonly seen is the, 'So mote it be.'
I've used to in the past, but I've switched mine up a bit. 

Now is the time that I would pull out that paper and writing implement and begin to write. You can write what you ideal relationship would entail, characteristics of your next partner, all of the things that you want to express with your healed heart, it's up to you!

Once I am done writing, I will fold up the papers and put them somewhere safe, but where I will not be seeing them everyday. One thing I learned recently, and it has been a hard lesson, is that when you are working with your intentions the best way for them to manifest is to set them and forget them.

By sending them out to the Universe you are saying, "This is what I would like to happen, and I am trusting you with the timing." That's not to say that you stop working towards your goals, they won't get accomplished by themselves. It just means that you don't stress about them, you don't obsess over them. You do your part and the Universe will do the same.

If you have specific tools that you will be working with to help you on your journey, this is the perfect time to dedicate them. I like anointing my tools, so if you have an essential oil, or you could even use your incense depending on what you're burning.

Example: "I dedicate [insert tool here] to the God and Goddess as I work towards [insert goal here.] May it assist me in reaching my highest good, in perfect love and perfect trust."

It can be as simple as that. By dedicating tools, they become physical reminders of the work that you are doing. They are infused with the power of the ritual, of the divine, of your guides, and the elements. For example if you're working on self love you might choose a piece of Rose Quartz, if you're having a tough day, hold that stone in you hand, or to your heart and feel the love and dedication that is charged within that stone. It might end up helping more then you think.

Last thing I would like to mention is that I like to have a little offering to the Lord and Lady. I like to use regular water and salt. Mind you this can be a small glass of water and a teaspoon of table salt, it can be whatever you have on hand. At the end of the ritual before I release the circle and my guides, I hold each item in my hands and say something like,

In my hand I hold the element of the Lord/Lady. May you accept this offering as a token of my gratitude for your guidance and your presence here tonight.

Once I have done so with both offerings, I take a little bit of salt and sprinkle it into the water. 

As you love and respect each other, I love and respect you. As the two of you are one, am I one with you. As you have graced me with your presence in helping me toward my highest good, so I will go out to the world and help others towards theirs. I thank you for your presence this night. Merry meet, merry part, and merry meet again.

Once I feel their presence leave the circle I release my guides and the elements, once again starting from the North, releasing each one in turn.

Once everyone and thing has been released, it is time to release the circle. To do that, you'll want to go counterclockwise, or just the opposite way that you went when you were raising the circle. 

As I release my circle, I usually have a little bit I like to add on to the end,

As I release this circle, may my intentions be released to fulfill the greatest good of all, with harm to none, in free will, so mote it be.

I realize that this post is LONG as all get out, but I felt that it was important to share. I know when I first started doing ritual, I took a little bit from here and there, but it was hard for me to get started without any real direction. Making ritual your own is important but it's nice to have a frame of reference to work with.

If you made it all the way through this post, HOORAY!!! I hope this has been helpful! I will also be making a second post with pictures of what specifically I will be using, so that will be coming to you as well!

Be sure to stay tuned for that as well as the new Weekly Oracle Card coming on Sunday!

Sending light and love to you and yours,

Thealynn

©2013-2015 Thealynn