Hey there lovelies,
A couple of weeks back I shared my second book review, and was prepared and ready to sit down and write my article on Samhain just like I have for the last few holidays, and as you can see, I did not.
In the end I felt called to spend the day quietly with my boyfriend, reflecting and embracing the changes that have come my way, the difficulties of the earlier part of the year, and how I intended to spend the remainder of the calendar year.
At the beginning of this year I was excited and motivated, and determined that 2015 would be my year. It has definitely been on of the most difficult years of my short life, admittedly a lot of the struggles I faced were self made, and thus the majority of this year has been about taking responsibility and finding ways to regroup, amend, and move forward.
These are subjects that I have spoken of in the past, and I suspect that the journey is just beginning. Three and a half years ago my world collapsed and I was forced to start fresh. It was a necessary trial and I wouldn't necessarily say I'm grateful for the pain that was endured, but it did place me in a position to begin working through the negativity and way of life that kept me frozen; chained to those around me. I had built my life around people, and once they were gone I didn't remember what life was like before them.
This past year held a similar lesson. This past year has been a challenge to face certain truths about myself, and learning how I possess all the power I could ever need to live any kind of life I choose.
The struggles, the mistakes, the hiding away-they were all conscious decisions I made because I believed myself too weak to choose better for myself.
Maintaining this mentality that I have complete control over my life, that I choose everything about this life is not an easy task, and in fact it's painful some times-but it's always temporary.
I've made jokes in the past about faith being a crutch, about how if I had known how difficult it can be to believe this way, how I might have chosen differently.
But what I have come to realize it that the pain, the uncertainty, and the self doubt are really just growing pains.
Per tradition, I meditated on Samhain and traveled to ancient Greece to meet with Hecate, goddess of the Crossroads and Gate Keeper to the Underworld.
During this meeting she showed me the various crossroads of my life and how for the most part, I had chosen to walk blindly or simply not taken the time to consider my direction. She then took me to the current crossroad before me and left me with a single torch to light my way.
After some consideration I made my choice and walked along the path for some time before coming to what appeared to be a door. Sitting a few feet ahead of the door stood a black dog, a messenger from the goddess. I knelt down to eye level with the dog and reached out my hand but before I could touch it, the dog turned and and ran through the door just as a ghost might pass through a wall. I stood back up unsure of how to proceed. It was then that I felt something cold on my chest and looked down to find a simple skeleton key tied to a ribbon around my neck. Looking back to the door I took a step forward and another until I too passed through the door without so much as looking for a knob or handle.
On the other side of the door she stood, her helper by her side. She explained to me how I have always held the key to my hearts desires and simple had to decide to go after them, regardless of what might lie in front of me. She pointed behind me and when I followed her gaze, the door was gone as if it never was.
The door was a symbol for all of the road blocks we create for ourselves because we're afraid of what the other side might look like.
If you've been with me for any amount of time, then you know that fear is something that I have struggled with releasing for a long time.
I used to get really down on myself for being and doing all of the things that I knew stood in my way-for standing in my own way.
But I've been learning how to be proud, and to be grateful for the progress I've made, because I have made progress. I have not stopped growing, I have not stopped learning, and in that process, I have learned to be grateful. Truly grateful.
As we head into the dark time of the year, our ancestors would turn inward; not just physically but magically also. In the past few months I have been focusing on the phases of the moon, and how best to work with the energy of each phase.
I have done so much shadow work, so much release and now I think it is time for me to focus on healing and manifesting my gratitude. I will also spend this time examining how I wish to grow and what I would like to perhaps incorporate into my path.
I hope that Samhain was spent in good company, in the physical realm as well as spiritual. May the God and Goddess keep you and yours during this dark time of year until the Sun's great rebirth at Yule.
Sending you and yours light and love,
Thealynn
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