Samhain Check In

Oh my dears,

What a year it has been. Before I jump into anything else, I wanted offer a warm hug through the ether and to offer my deepest thanks. I appreciate you being here more than I can express, and I don't just mean here, reading my blog. I mean here, living on this Earth, in this time, or whenever your time is.

Thank you to all of my readers whether you have been with me for a long time, or if you have only read a couple of my pieces, perhaps this is the first time you're visiting me and you deserve thanks as well. I also wanted to remind you how precious and needed you are in this world.

We all need to be reminded some times, and personally, I don't think we hear those things enough. We are heading deeper into the dark half of the year, and like our ancestors knew so well, coming together and being available and supportive to one another is priceless.

Around Samhain time, you might find yourself wanting to reflect on this past year. Samhain is the final harvest of the season, so you may feel called to take a look back to see how far you have come, to take stock of what came to life for you this year, and what did not.

For me, I feel called to look back further than just the last year, but to where this journey came alive for me...

I remember sitting down at my desk in my tiny little apartment a mere two months before I had the catalyst struck which was ultimately what became the first step on my healing journey.

I had participated in my first full moon ritual with Sage Goddess and I can recall the overwhelming feeling of connection and hope. This space became my main focus and I threw my whole self into it.

I had ideas for topics and a list of books I wanted to read and review for you, I had lists of different ways you could connect with your guides and Spirit, I truly believed that this space would be chalk full of information and tips and ideas for ritual.

And that did happen for a little while. I wrote out and shared the magic I was working, although I didn't recognize it as such at the time. What's more, is that I didn't realize how powerful that magic was. I was simply unprepared for the consequences of what I was asking the Universe for, and it knocked me on my ass.

Since then, it's been a wild ride. In my previous post I shared how my life and my journey with Spirit are simply too closely woven together to really keep them separated. At first I worried that not staying objective with my original intent for this blog in mind would alienate my readers or people would get tired of hearing about my life.

But what I've come to realize that, while that might be true for some, this is in truth what I had intended all along. It's all wonderful and good to share ideas and facts about certain things, but by sharing how I myself am living and experiencing all of those things, can in fact create a more relate-able conversation.

In a way, this is a chance for me to own my experiences and to take ownership of the things that I struggle with, to show what I have found to be helpful and useful. The whole reason behind my starting this blog was to be a guiding hand for those who struggle with the same things I do, to be that voice that tells them,

You can do this, you're not alone. 

As Samhain approaches, I want to connect more deeply with my ancestors than I have in previous years. This year, I want to honor them and show my respect as I know they are with me always. I also want to ask them to assist me in healing our collective past, to lay down the struggles and strife that so many have endured. I want to be able to heal our past and therefore allow that healing to flow into our present and on into the future.

Samhain is a day to celebrate, to be still in the quiet, to honor, and to take up vigils and lay down the past. It is a day to remember and it is a day to release. Cutting the chords that carry the pain, suffering, and regret is so important. Everything comes and goes in cycles, and it is when we refuse to allow the ending to be such as it is do our lives attract more of the same obstacles; the same pain and suffering and regret are fed rather than being allowed to go.

That's not to say we will notice a difference all at once, or that the shift will happen all in one day. When I wrote the Open Heart Series, I had no idea that two years later I would still be seeing echos and ripples of those intentions. I had no idea that magic worked like that. I had no idea that magic worked.

To the best of my recollection, I've never been in a place where I was ready to move forward when this turn of the wheel came round. I was always in a place of pain, or I was in a space of searching, or I was simply trying to be at peace with where I was. All very important things, and I think always where I needed to be at that time.

As we make ready for winter, I intend to rest, and to study, and to heal. Letting the past stay in the past is not always easy, and if I'm being completely honest it's never something I have been good at. And that is why this time of the year, this year, is such an amazingly beautiful opportunity. Because now, I am ready, I feel prepared, and possibly the most important, I want to.

I have every intention to share my Samhain experience, but I also don't want to promise as to when that will be. Life has a way of sweeping me up and away, and as I am practicing my patience I hope that you will bear with me a time.

In the interim I hope to be able to share other works and the like as we continue on.

Until next time,

Warm and Bright Samhain Blessings to you and yours,

Image from renegadetribune.com

~Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Farewell Mother

Hey there loves,

It probably should have occurred to me long before this, but this space has become more than just a way to document my Spiritual journey, but has really become about my life as a whole. I suppose some are able to separate one from the other and focus on what they originally attempted to do, but for me, the two are so deeply intertwined that if I only focused on one or the other, pieces would simply be missing.

I wanted more than anything for this to simply be a resource for others who might face the same uncertainties, the same struggles, perhaps answer some of the questions that I myself asked, perhaps more than once.

One of the things that I have struggled with my entire life, has been setting boundaries and sticking to them. Speaking up and using my voice to the person that I am having difficulty with in the moment has always been difficult. I would find my emotions rising quickly to the surface of my throat, and rather than explaining, I would explode in a rush of tears, screams, and eventually, running.

It's always been easier for me not to say anything, or to express myself to others who were not involved, or if I had to confront the person, to do so in writing. In a way, it feels like a cop-out, like a lack of strength; and I've always justified the writing as a way to make sure I say exactly what I want to say. No over-embellishments, no expressions of anger that I couldn't take back because I could proof read until it was perfect.

In a couple of cases, this has been my only means of communicating my displeasure, my hurt and my anxiety surrounding an incident. But for the majority of my relationships, it simply won't do anymore. I need to learn how to trust myself to say what needs to be said. To use trust that I can control my voice, kept my emotions in check, and to not rely on body language to communicate my frustration.

It's taken me a long time to recognize that doing such things is a form of anxiety; something I have known that I live with, but something I thought only came out when 'bigger' things happen. I put it on the back burner, not taking it seriously. In doing so, I have only begun to recognize when it comes to life in my day to day, and now comes the task of learning how to come back to my center and not let it run wild.

None of these things were taught to me as a child, such things were encouraged and fed because it bred pity, which could lead to leniency or favors, privilege if you like. Crazy as it might sound, it's how I was raised, and even though it didn't really stick, the lack of ability to deal with such challenges has clearly left its mark.

That's not to say that my mother did not do her best working within her own mental health issues. Because to her credit, I think that she did. The difference I have found however, is that while I have since grown up and do not shy away from responsibility for learning how to work with these afflictions, she never did.

More than anyone else in my life, she is such a special case. As much as I once wanted nothing more than a honest relationship with her, I am now aware that such a relationship is simply not possible with her current state. One that I believe she has become so engrossed, perhaps even lost in, that I can no longer pretend that any form of relationship is healthy.

In the past, I have felt everything from severe hatred, resentment, frustration, anger, pain to an unbearable degree, loss, pity, disgust, and now, I simply feel separation.

My mother as a person is still alive, and well to the best of my knowledge. I sincerely mean it when I say that I want nothing but the best for her, and that I truly hope that she finds peace and happiness. But the idea, the image of a healthy, supportive, understanding relationship has been put to rest. The dream I carried for so long has been released, and in its place is the desire expressed above.

Truth be told, I simply do not need her. I realize that sounds harsh, but just like my other unhealthy relationships, I simply did not need them either. I may have convinced myself to hang on for a time, with the secret hope that something, anything would change and things would be different, but the truth is that nothing has changed with the exception of myself.

I've changed. I've changed more in the last year and a half than I have my entire life.

That's not to say that I won't miss her, but I see her as one that has passed on. An ancestor that I express gratitude to for all of the lessons that they have shown me, for granting me the privilege of being the one to break this cycle, of being a single piece in the creation of a new cycle, on in which there is a lack of resentment and hate, in its place the glow of forgiveness and peace.

In case I ever find myself doubting, I love my mother very much, and there is a small child within who still wishes that things could have been so different. Yet, I find myself grateful for the opportunity to be presented with this work, the chance to show love and affection to this little girl who knew judgement far too soon.

Samhain is approaching us, and at this crossroads I will honor my ancestors, as well as the Self that I have been. I will lay down the torches I have carried for far too long, and dance round the fire in celebration that the cycle is in fact ended.

It's not always easy to say goodbye, but clinging to what is already gone only keeps you trapped in the past, and I have already spent to long there.

So I say farewell instead, with hope that when we meet again, things will be different, lighter perhaps.

Image from thecolorjournal.com

Until next time,

~Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Samhain Crossroads

Hey there lovelies,

 A couple of weeks back I shared my second book review, and was prepared and ready to sit down and write my article on Samhain just like I have for the last few holidays, and as you can see, I did not.

In the end I felt called to spend the day quietly with my boyfriend, reflecting and embracing the changes that have come my way, the difficulties of the earlier part of the year, and how I intended to spend the remainder of the calendar year.

At the beginning of this year I was excited and motivated, and determined that 2015 would be my year. It has definitely been on of the most difficult years of my short life, admittedly a lot of the struggles I faced were self made, and thus the majority of this year has been about taking responsibility and finding ways to regroup, amend, and move forward.

These are subjects that I have spoken of in the past, and I suspect that the journey is just beginning. Three and a half years ago my world collapsed and I was forced to start fresh. It was a necessary trial and I wouldn't necessarily say I'm grateful for the pain that was endured, but it did place me in a position to begin working through the negativity and way of life that kept me frozen; chained to those around me. I had built my life around people, and once they were gone I didn't remember what life was like before them.

This past year held a similar lesson. This past year has been a challenge to face certain truths about myself, and learning how I possess all the power I could ever need to live any kind of life I choose.

The struggles, the mistakes, the hiding away-they were all conscious decisions I made because I believed myself too weak to choose better for myself.

Maintaining this mentality that I have complete control over my life, that I choose everything about this life is not an easy task, and in fact it's painful some times-but it's always temporary.

I've made jokes in the past about faith being a crutch, about how if I had known how difficult it can be to believe this way, how I might have chosen differently.

But what I have come to realize it that the pain, the uncertainty, and the self doubt are really just growing pains.

Per tradition, I meditated on Samhain and traveled to ancient Greece to meet with Hecate, goddess of the Crossroads and Gate Keeper to the Underworld.

During this meeting she showed me the various crossroads of my life and how for the most part, I had chosen to walk blindly or simply not taken the time to consider my direction. She then took me to the current crossroad before me and left me with a single torch to light my way.

After some consideration I made my choice and walked along the path for some time before coming to what appeared to be a door. Sitting a few feet ahead of the door stood a black dog, a messenger from the goddess. I knelt down to eye level with the dog and reached out my hand but before I could touch it, the dog turned and and ran through the door just as a ghost might pass through a wall. I stood back up unsure of how to proceed. It was then that I felt something cold on my chest and looked down to find a simple skeleton key tied to a ribbon around my neck. Looking back to the door I took a step forward and another until I too passed through the door without so much as looking for a knob or handle.

On the other side of the door she stood, her helper by her side. She explained to me how I have always held the key to my hearts desires and simple had to decide to go after them, regardless of what might lie in front of me. She pointed behind me and when I followed her gaze, the door was gone as if it never was.

The door was a symbol for all of the road blocks we create for ourselves because we're afraid of what the other side might look like.

If you've been with me for any amount of time, then you know that fear is something that I have struggled with releasing for a long time.

I used to get really down on myself for being and doing all of the things that I knew stood in my way-for standing in my own way.

But I've been learning how to be proud, and to be grateful for the progress I've made, because I have made progress. I have not stopped growing, I have not stopped learning, and in that process, I have learned to be grateful. Truly grateful.

As we head into the dark time of the year, our ancestors would turn inward; not just physically but magically also. In the past few months I have been focusing on the phases of the moon, and how best to work with the energy of each phase.

I have done so much shadow work, so much release and now I think it is time for me to focus on healing and manifesting my gratitude. I will also spend this time examining how I wish to grow and what I would like to perhaps incorporate into my path.

I hope that Samhain was spent in good company, in the physical realm as well as spiritual. May the God and Goddess keep you and yours during this dark time of year until the Sun's great rebirth at Yule.

Sending you and yours light and love,

Thealynn

©2013-2015 Thealynn

BR: The Pagan Book of Halloweeen

Hello again my dears,

It is safe to say that we are officially in my favorite time of the year-autumn! And with that of course comes the second largest American holiday - Halloween!

And before I jump in I want to apologize for cutting it so close with this review. I got the lion's share of it done a couple of weeks back but the Universe has been keeping me on my toes and I have been doing my best to keep up! Following shortly will be my article about this upcoming (or you know, right around the corner!) turning of the wheel, Samhain!

Now, being a pagan, I am usually too busy focusing on Samhain to recognize Halloween on the 31st of October, but I am trying to be better about merging the worlds as it were. One of the best ways I can think of doing so is by getting a wide understanding of both aspects of this special day.

I've had this book for a few years and have only read it once, I thought now would be the perfect opportunity, and another excuse to perhaps add this book to my suggestions list. Which one of these days I might actually get around to make...

Anywho! The book being reviewed today is The Pagan Book of Halloween: A Complete Guide to Magick, Incantations, Recipes, Spells, and Lore by Gerina Dunwich. This title was published in 2000 with a whopping 176 pages prior to the bibliography and index to which it doesn't quiet reach 200 pages.

I do want to throw it out there that she does mention some Wiccan perspectives, but the book itself is not written from a Wiccan stand point. I really felt as though the book was written from as unbiased position as possible - which I think is important when you're looking for general information.

One thing that I not only enjoy as a reader but appreciate as someone who has done my homework; is the way that the author addresses the facts regarding the early days of Samhain in Ireland when it was being practiced by ancient Druids.

She doesn't use flowery language to explain why the Druids had human and animal sacrifices, she just explains it. She doesn't point fingers at the offenses of the early Roman church against the people of Western Europe after Constantine declared Christianity the official religion of the empire; she gets straight to the heart of the journey of this ancient holiday.

Rather than spending an exorbitant amount of time with dates and names that might not be remembered later, she gives us the highlights, which might seem lazy to some, but from where I'm sitting curled up with my kitty and some tea it makes the information a bit easier to take in, and return to at a later time so that if there's something specific that catches one's attention, it's not like diving into a giant pool of information which can be difficult to navigate.

Dunwich spends a chapter discussing variations of this holiday celebrated throughout the world. One such holiday that seems to have grown popular in pop culture has been Dia de los Muertos, and their tradtional sugar skulls.

I really enjoyed that she took the time to shine light on how this is not just a holiday for North America, but that there is a world wide observance when it comes to honoring the dead; painting that much of a broader picture for this mystical day.

She even spends a couple of chapters going into the history and associations of common figures we see during the commercialized Halloween; Jack O'Lanterns, scarecrows, ghosts, vampires and of course, she spends a decent chunk on witches.

Along with touching on olden day divination practices, there is a small section for spells, ritual ideas, and recipes to round out the book.

Over all I really enjoyed reading this little book. It's a great way to introduce beginners to this ancient holiday without overwhelming them and potentially scaring them to death.

(Sorry, I had to sneak one joke in there.)

I hope you have enjoyed this book review and I hope that this was helpful!

I'm looking forward to talking about Samhain with you, the article should be live tomorrow along with a fun announcement!

Take care loves!

In light and love,

Thealynn

Wheel of the Year

Hello lovies,

I'm laughing at myself a little bit as I write this to you because I feel as though I am a little late to my own party. When I first started this blog, before the unexpected year and a half hiatus, I had always planned on incorporating the Wheel of the Year and why I find it to be so important.

Well, by the time this post is available for you to see, we will have passed two cycles with some of you not knowing why the heck I am talking about these holidays and some of you might not have even heard of the Wheel of the Year!

I'm sure that had I not been caught up in the rush and dazzle of picking up this project again I would have made this post already. But! As fate would have it, I have until now been completely wrapped up in everything else that has been going on, so I shall apologize for the time it took to get this post to you, and digress...

Other then the previous posts about the previous two holidays, and potentially mentioning it in passing, I have not really addressed what the Wheel of the Year is, and why as a practicing pagan, I observe said holidays.

Believe it or not, this will probably end up being one of my shorter posts. [Instert dun dun dun noise.]

The Wheel of the Year is really, what it sounds like. It is a calender that consists of the eight major holidays celebrated/observed by most pagans. There are the four solar holidays that are more commonly known as the four seasons which traditionally tracks the birth, death, and rebirth of the Sun. Spring and Autumn mark the quarters and are known as Equinoxes leaving Summer and Winter to make the halfway points between the year, and they are known as Solstices.

You may some times hear these four holidays called Sabbats, as well as the 'cross quarter days' as there are four of them, and they make a cross shape. Yep. (I'm feeling silly as I write this, sue me. :P ) These holidays consist of Midwinter/Yule (Winter Solstice), Ostara (Spring Equinox), Midsummer/Litha (Summer Solstice) and Mabon (Autumn Equinox) .

There are some pagans that only observe those four main holidays as they mark the seasons, which works just fine. Being someone who likes celebrating I like the idea of having the eight holidays, and that's just how I learned it.

In between those four main holidays we have what are called Esbats and they mark the lunar holidays which consist of Imbolc, Beltane, Lammas/Lughnasadh, and Samhain.

So if you were to put them in order of the Gregorian calender that we still use today, the list of holidays would look like this.

Imbolc
Ostara (Spring Equinox)
Beltane
Midsummer/Litha (Summer Solstice)
Lammas/Lughnasadh
Mabon (Autumn Equinox)
Samhain
Midwinter/Yule (Winter Solstice)

However, since many pagans (myself included) recognize Samhain as the Celtic New Year, most of us start our spiritual calender there. So instead, the list looks more like this.

Samhain
Midwinter/Yule (Winter Solstice)
Imbolc
Ostara (Spring Equinox)
Beltane
Midsummer/Litha (Summer Solstice)
Lammas/Lughnasadh
Mabon (Autumn Equinox)

Or even,

Midwinter/Yule (Winter Solstice)
Imbolc
Ostara (Spring Equinox)
Beltane
Midsummer/Litha (Summer Solstice)
Lammas/Lughnasadh
Mabon (Autumn Equinox)
Samhain

Keeping track of the sun, the moon and the seasons themselves were essential to substantial living in ancient times. Even today, modern farmers use the moon as an indication of when to plant what crops.

Regardless of how you want to order them, it all comes back around again, which is why it is likened to a wheel, and thus it became known as the Wheel of the Year.

As the year progresses I will be making posts about the different holidays, hopefully with enough time for you lovely readers to get what you might want if you're interested in celebrating!

One thing I will share with you is that when I first started on this path, I had the WORST TIME trying to remember these holidays. If I was lucky and remembered it on the day of, I would burn a plain white tea light candle. It hasn't been until more recently that I have gotten better at planning ritual, or making yummy things to be devoured in honor of the holiday.

Most times I still only end up burning a candle and maybe saying a few words. Some times life is just too busy for us to do much more than that. But I figure that as long as I am setting aside just a few minutes, that's really all it takes.

I look forward to sharing more with you throughout this turning of the wheel.

Many blessings,

Thealynn

©2013-2015 Thealynn