Hey there loves,
As I am sure you are aware by this point, I am not afraid to talk about tough subjects, or if I do find myself apprehensive about discussing a subject, it's really only a matter of time until I feel ready to talk about it.
Well, this time is a bit different. This time, it's a subject that I am having a hard time processing. I don't think that accepting is the right word, but I think there is a resistance to fully accepting. The feelings that I experience are very erratic in that they go from one end of the spectrum to the next.
Today, I am talking about PTSD, or post traumatic stress disorder.
In my last couple of articles I've talked about different tools, and resources I've been using to help me through this painful journey. One struggle I seem to be finding is that, the pain I feel has so many different layers, so many different aspects.
Some days it feels like those layers are so heavy, that I wonder how I've been walking around for the last four months, how I've been able to carry them all.
One thing that is scary but helpful about receiving professional help is that you learn to identify what some of those layers are, and for me PTSD has multiple layers simply within itself.
The connection to PTSD was made during my session earlier this week, and since then it's been a roller coaster of a kind of weight lifted off my shoulders having an explanation for all of the seemingly little things that I've been plagued with, and a sickening feeling in my gut telling me that I have one more thing - one more, big, heavy thing, to contend with and to spend my days identifying when it comes up.
It's a blessing and a curse because I've realized the extent of which I've living within my PTSD, and at the same time I can put those symptoms in a box; I can compartmentalize and remind myself that it's a temporary condition and that I won't live this way forever. Even though there is a real possibility that I will.
So many of the struggles I've been dealing with are symptoms of PTSD,
because they are in fact so numerous. From trouble sleeping to reliving
the event in my mind to hyper-vigilance, just to name a few.
It was difficult for me to research PTSD because as I would read the symptoms, I could feel the echo of my experience with those symptoms deep within me, almost like a ripple affect. It even hits me some times how right now, I am experiencing what they call 'acute PTSD' meaning the symptoms are temporary and they fade away with time. But directly behind that reminder is a frightening whisper that acute PTSD can turn into chronic PTSD. While it's not an idea that I want at the forefront of my mind, it's also a very real possibility.
This whole ordeal, this whole process has been nothing short of a trail, and while being able to find my way back to my spiritual path has had incredible benefits and has helped me find myself again, having a sense of concrete knowing, has helped just as much if not more.
Knowing what I am facing helps to take away some of the fear of the remaining unknown elements. Knowing now that I am experiencing PTSD, knowing that my friends and family support me without reservations or doubts, knowing that everyday I am doing my best to take care of myself . . .
Knowing that my case has finally be reviewed and is going to grand jury, helps me breath a little easier then I did the day before.
I know that I am nowhere near being out of the woods, whether it be regarding the legal process or regarding my own journey to healing, a huge step has been taken, and rather than think of everything that could go wrong, I am choosing to focus on the triumphs, and living in those moments of relief.
Just like I did in my article about tools and resources, I am going to include links for a couple of the pages I used in my research about PTDS.
NIMH-PTSD: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml
USDofVA: National Center for PTSD: http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/treatment/cope/index.asp
HelpGuide: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/ptsd-in-the-family.htm
I am also going to include links for suicide prevention, whether you are experiencing depression, anxiety, PTSD - whatever it is, there is always help.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-273-TALK
Here is the link to the private chat: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
One last thing that I do want to say is that, while PTSD can be
difficult to diagnose, it's very treatable. Regardless of the challenges
and obstacles you may be facing, you deserve to life your life to the
fullest, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
So much love to you wherever you are, and please remember that you are not alone.
Brightest Blessings,
Thealynn
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