So Long September

Hey there loves,

I probably mentioned this in my last posting, but boy howdy am I ready for September to be over. For only being thirty days long, this month has seen more shifts and changes, ebbs and flows, ups and downs, back and forth than I think any one month has seen in a LONG time.

Even though we celebrated the Vernal Equinox just a short time ago, for me, I've been feeling a bit sluggish in the transition between summer and autumn. Perhaps it's because of all of the cosmic energy going from one point to another, portal after portal, and tonight it feels like it's finally coming to a close with tonight's Black Moon.

Tonight it feels as though the breath I've been holding can finally be released and I can take in a deep breath beginning October first. I honestly don't even know if I can say specifically why that it is, only that I've been looking forward to it for weeks now.

With all of the hub-bub that's been going on this month, I've felt a great need to not only reevaluate the emotional, mental, and spiritual clutter; but physical clutter as well.

For over half of my life, I have moved on average once a year. The longest I can remember staying in one place was four years. As for where I live now, it's been about a year and a half, which isn't bad; however it is a distinct possibility that I will be relocating once again near the beginning of next year.

As that has been on my mind, I begin to take account of what I have been carting around with me for the last five years and I ask myself if it's something I want to take with me this next time. The isn't including the items I received from my mother when she had a mind to move across the country and cleaned out her house, storage unit, and garage. Most of which, I have narrowed down and three fourths of said items have already been donated.

Being that routinely purging myself of unused items is a habit of mine, it also made sense to take a look at my alter, and decide what I might want to change out, what I might want to bring in, and I must say that I am very pleased with the results.

Some of the items I've never had on my alter prior to now, as I never really felt a calling towards those items. I even took it upon myself to create a second smaller alter, which I absolutely adore.

With my new alters in place, cleaned and charged, it really makes the energy of my space feel more, magical. Which might sound silly to say, but it's truly how the space feels. I feel comfortable spending time in front of my alters, I WANT to spend time in front of my alters, which is something that I can't has I've really felt this strongly before.

I feel myself wanting to craft, and to create, to dive deeper into my spiritual studies and practices and for the first time since beginning this path, I feel comfortable calling myself a witch. I'll be writing about that journey in a separate piece.

September has been like one giant trip down the rabbit hole, if the rabbit hole was like a whirlwind with different portals to navigate with a touch of asking Toto if Kansas was where we even started in the first place.

During this Black Moon I will be working with not just one dark goddess but three. It only seems fitting between the three moon phases, the 9.9.9 x 3, the portals of the eclipses and the turning of the wheel from the light to the dark time of year.

Not only will I be doing ritual work with three amazing goddess, I will be setting intentions for 2017, which is strange for me to really think about as I feel the past two years have been so transformative, I sincerely feel like 2017 is going to see a lot of manifestation, and I am curious to see how it unfolds.

I do think that this is an amazing to be setting those intentions though, as we are quickly approaching Samhain, the Celtic New Year, and what many pagans view as their magical New Year.

I know that one of the things I've been thinking on recently is that I want to trying and get ahead when it comes to planning and preparing for rituals, holidays, and aspects of the more 'mundane' as well.

In a way I feel as though 2015 was the year I took the blinders off, and really took a look at my life and myself and genuinely asked myself where the hell I was going. I remember starting of in 2015 thinking that all of these amazing changes were going to happen and that I was going to kickstart and just be awesome about getting my ducks in a row.

At the year end I found myself assessing what progress I had made, taking account of what I still needed to focus on, what areas I needed help with, and asking the question, was I happy where I was.

Early 2016 was a lot of cleaning skeletons out of closets, taking out the trash and really deep cleaning the parts of my life that were being neglected. 2016 was the first time in my life where I have continuously put myself first and didn't apologize for it.

2016 has been a year that has been desperately fighting to get back into balance, and tonight I think is one more milestone of the journey. Tonight I will take a power vacuum to all of the corners and crevices to snatch up any remaining dust and cobwebs holding onto old, stagnant, no longer needed energy, ideas, perceptions and emotions that keep me attached to past.

Tonight I will set my intentions, I will meet with the Universe through the divine feminine, I will bathe in the glory of fresh beginnings and I will emerge on the other side ready to greet the rest of this year refreshed and ready for the work ahead.

Rather than waiting until the end of December to think about how you want to improve your life next year, start thinking about it now. Beginning setting yourself up now, and really consider what you can do to help yourself succeed next year. Start planning ahead, and be open to alternative methods, be flexible and I think you'll be amazed at what can happen when you're open to the possibility. 

I shared this photo on my Instagram page, and I loved it so much, I will share it here also. If you would like to follow me on Instagram, I'll leave a link for you here: My Instagram.

If this is the first time you're hearing about the Black Moon and are curious about what this might mean for you, I'll include a few links to some articles that I read and really enjoyed.

I've also shared some of these links on my Facebook page that I will link for you as well: My FaceBook.

This article talks about the power of connecting with the goddess Lilith during this Black Moon: September's Black Moon: The Rare, Powerful Feminine Goddess Lilith.

If you're interested in celebrating and working with this Black Moon energy but aren't quiet sure how, I found this simple ritual that I liked so much, I shared it in one of my groups.

One thing I want to say, is that when it comes to ritual, never be ashamed to work with what you have, even if all you have is you. Tools are nice to have and they can help add to the experience, but some of the most profound rituals I've done have literally just been me and the Universe. Black Moon Ritual

Writing abundance checks is a practice that I try to do every month, and it doesn't always happen, but it just goes to show that planning ahead is something I know I can benefit from.

Don't have a printer? No problem, you can hand draw your checks, it works just as well, if not more so because you are putting your energy and intentions in from start to finish. Writing New Moon Abundance Checks.

The last link I want to share with you is a Youtube Channel. If you've been with me before you know that finding Sage Goddess has been a major help to me not just in my practice but in transforming my life as a whole.

Tonight we are gathering in ritual to work with the energies of the Black Moon and you can too! I link her YouTube channel because you can come back and visit whenever it's convenient as all of the rituals are archived.

I sincerely recommend watching/participating in at least one ritual and see how you feel, I personally love them - clearly as I am recommending them here! Sage Goddess Black Moon Ritual.

I hope to be able to provide more resources and ideas with you all as time goes on, and hopefully I'll get better at doing so in a timely manner.

I will be drawing a new card for the Monthly Tarot Card tomorrow, so don't miss that, and if you're in need of more personalized guidance, I can help you with that also.

May this Dark Moon shine some light for you as we move towards Sahmain and into the dark half of the year. I encourage you all to release at least one thing that you know does not serve you, and to set an intention to help replace that one thing with something that makes you happy, that serves your higher purpose.

Brightest Blessings,

Thealynn

©2013-2016 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

General Chat: Like a Page from my Diary

Good evening loves,

It's been a lengthy break since my last article for several reasons, but I believe most importantly that I just needed to be able to breath, needed to air out my space, as this place is in fact so near and dear to me.

Some times even with things you love, taking a step back is necessary to regroup, recharge, and to recognize all of the wonderful things in your life. I know I've definitely needed that.

Writing to you tonight, we have gone through the portal of the new moon/solar eclipse combo and the full moon/lunar eclipse combo, made it through Mercury Retrograde, Mabon (Autumn/Vernal Equinox) and experienced two of three 9:9:9 energy dollops.

And this month is still not done...

We still have the second new moon of the month, known as the Black Moon as well as one last dip into the 9:9:9 - which happens to be tomorrow! Or today, depending on when you read this.

With all of that who-ha going on it's easy to get caught up in all of that energy, all of that crazy - you might be feeling overwhelmed, and it's totally understandable!

I myself have found it difficult to navigate some days, nigh impossible during others. It can be rather unsettling, especially when you experience a back spasm lasting for days at a time...

If I ever had a push to change some of my habits, I think this is the bull horn sounding as it's past time to get going on that. Admittedly I have talked about starting this and that as a way to get into a healthier life style, and while some things have stuck, not everything has.

Being pushed in this way also causes me to look at the bigger picture, which I have avoided in the past I think mostly because I didn't feel like I could handle the VAST BIG PICTURE. Every step just felt like a giant leap, and not that I'm ailing by any means, but I've known for a long time that I could be taking better care of myself.

As after almost a week of near consistent bed rest, I was excited to go back to work and get my mojo flowing. Subtly though, no need to rush into anything, not that I can rush much right now anyway.

I will say however that I was disappointed in my lack of enthusiasm when Mabon came round, because it's definitely one of my favorites out of the Celtic Wheel of the Year. Imbolc is neck 'n neck with Mabon and Yule sneaks in there too.

I spent the day getting used to my temporary medication and slept the majority of the day, but I did manage to send out my gratitude by making a list of all that I have to celebrate and burning the message. I also did a small meditation in which I spoke with all of my known guides and expressed gratitude to them as they work so hard on my behalf.

At the beginning of the month I was honored to celebrate the marriage of one of my dearest, and closest friends. It was magical in and of itself to watch him marry the perfect woman for him, and to dance the night away with him and his beautiful bride - and my amazing partner as well.

Barely a week after the wedding I received the best piece of news I've heard in my life - my case is progressing and is taking the next step. If you are unfamiliar with what I am referring to, I would encourage you to read the piece I wrote titled: Behind Door Number Four.

When I received the news, I started crying with relief, it was like a huge weight had been lifted from me. That's not to say that the metric fuck-ton of pressure and stress I live with everyday suddenly disappeared, it's merely one grain of salt taken off the top of a mountain.

I'm currently without a load of information, but I am beyond grateful and relieved to be moving forward, not just with my case, but in all areas of my life.

I can only speak for myself but I am feeling worn out by 2016. Granted a lot has changed, and there are still more changes to be seen or unseen, and we are very close to October which means we are that much closer to 2016 drawing to a close.

I really do find it remarkable, looking back to the beginning of this year; where I was mentally and emotionally, where I was working, who my friends were, who I was dating, what my goals were.

In just nine short months, so much as changed...

I'm grateful for those changes, I am grateful that I have come so far, that regardless and in spite of all of the hell that I have endured thus far this year, that I am still standing (mostly) and that even if I don't necessarily trust that I am ready for what's coming next, I know that I am not alone.

I think this is the first year in my adult life that I really feel that way. That I am not alone, that while I am capable of embodying the lone wolf, that I have a pack ready to back me up, ready to fight along side me, ready to face those hell fires with me.

I guess we'll see what else this year has in store, gods know it can be anything, and chances are, it's going to be everything.

Brightest Blessings to you all,

Thealynn

©2013-2016 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Behind Door Number Five

Hey there loves,

As I am sure you are aware by this point, I am not afraid to talk about tough subjects, or if I do find myself apprehensive about discussing a subject, it's really only a matter of time until I feel ready to talk about it.

Well, this time is a bit different. This time, it's a subject that I am having a hard time processing. I don't think that accepting is the right word, but I think there is a resistance to fully accepting. The feelings that I experience are very erratic in that they go from one end of the spectrum to the next.

Today, I am talking about PTSD, or post traumatic stress disorder.

In my last couple of articles I've talked about different tools, and resources I've been using to help me through this painful journey. One struggle I seem to be finding is that, the pain I feel has so many different layers, so many different aspects.

Some days it feels like those layers are so heavy, that I wonder how I've been walking around for the last four months, how I've been able to carry them all.

One thing that is scary but helpful about receiving professional help is that you learn to identify what some of those layers are, and for me PTSD has multiple layers simply within itself.

The connection to PTSD was made during my session earlier this week, and since then it's been a roller coaster of a kind of weight lifted off my shoulders having an explanation for all of the seemingly little things that I've been plagued with, and a sickening feeling in my gut telling me that I have one more thing - one more, big, heavy thing, to contend with and to spend my days identifying when it comes up. 

It's a blessing and a curse because I've realized the extent of which I've living within my PTSD, and at the same time I can put those symptoms in a box; I can compartmentalize and remind myself that it's a temporary condition and that I won't live this way forever. Even though there is a real possibility that I will.

So many of the struggles I've been dealing with are symptoms of PTSD, because they are in fact so numerous. From trouble sleeping to reliving the event in my mind to hyper-vigilance, just to name a few.

It was difficult for me to research PTSD because as I would read the symptoms, I could feel the echo of my experience with those symptoms deep within me, almost like a ripple affect. It even hits me some times how right now, I am experiencing what they call 'acute PTSD' meaning the symptoms are temporary and they fade away with time. But directly behind that reminder is a frightening whisper that acute PTSD can turn into chronic PTSD. While it's not an idea that I want at the forefront of my mind, it's also a very real possibility.

This whole ordeal, this whole process has been nothing short of a trail, and while being able to find my way back to my spiritual path has had incredible benefits and has helped me find myself again, having a sense of concrete knowing, has helped just as much if not more.

Knowing what I am facing helps to take away some of the fear of the remaining unknown elements. Knowing now that I am experiencing PTSD, knowing that my friends and family support me without reservations or doubts, knowing that everyday I am doing my best to take care of myself . . . 

Knowing that my case has finally be reviewed and is going to grand jury, helps me breath a little easier then I did the day before.

I know that I am nowhere near being out of the woods, whether it be regarding the legal process or regarding my own journey to healing, a huge step has been taken, and rather than think of everything that could go wrong, I am choosing to focus on the triumphs, and living in those moments of relief.

Just like I did in my article about tools and resources, I am going to include links for a couple of the pages I used in my research about PTDS.


NIMH-PTSD: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml

USDofVA: National Center for PTSD: http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/treatment/cope/index.asp

HelpGuide: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/ptsd-in-the-family.htm 

I am also going to include links for suicide prevention, whether you are experiencing depression, anxiety, PTSD - whatever it is, there is always help.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-273-TALK
Here is the link to the private chat: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx

One last thing that I do want to say is that, while PTSD can be difficult to diagnose, it's very treatable. Regardless of the challenges and obstacles you may be facing, you deserve to life your life to the fullest, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

So much love to you wherever you are, and please remember that you are not alone. 

Brightest Blessings,

Thealynn

©2013-2016 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Healing the Hurt

Hey there loves,

I will be the first to admit that it's difficult to know what to say after the last couple of pieces I've shared, it's hard to know which direction to take the conversation, how to shift the tone into perhaps not a happier direction, but a lighter one.

Under any other circumstances I don't know that I would share so many details of my journey, however in this particular instance, I feel that it is of the utmost importance that I be open and share as much as I am able to about every step of this experience.

I have spoken previously of some of the challenges I face on a daily basis, and I am sure that I will speak of them again, but today I want to focus on more on healing. If you haven't had a chance yet, I would encourage you to check out my previous posts that discusses both some metaphysical tools as well as resources.

I mentioned in my previous article that I have been seeing a therapist, unfortunately due to scheduling on both of our parts, our sessions have been a bit sporadic, and for the last month or so I began wondering if I was getting as much as I could out of seeing them; if their particular method meshed with mine and met my needs as I felt that they should be.

Roughly one week ago, I had the honor and privilege to attend a healing circle lead by a Shoshone-Bannock elder, who is also revered as a medicine man, and bundle keeper. It was an event that when I first received the invitation, I was adamant about attending, but as the event grew closer, I began to question whether or not I was in a healthy enough state of mind.

I was concerned about holding myself together emotionally, and mentally. I wondered whether or not I would be able to open myself enough to be fully present for such a rare event. I doubted my ability to let my guard down enough to receive the healing that was being offered. 

The day of I was still unsure, and my anxiety was so high and so thick that I began to feel physically ill. It was at this point that I began to feel frustration and anger with myself, why couldn't I let myself have this? Why couldn't I allow myself this opportunity?

I became overwhelmed as I thought of them, their energy and their own connection with bear as one of their totems. I felt tears welling in my eyes as a wave of exhaustion came over me, I asked myself if this is what my life would be life from now on; being excited for an event but then be overridden by anxiety, by worry. 

In my frustration I remembered that the medicine bundle that would be present that night was bear medicine. In my own path I associate bear with a very dear, very close friend who is more family than friend, a companion whom I have wandered the ages with. I have always viewed bear as a strong protective force, a comforting energy, I am reminded of kinship.

I decided to light some sage to help calm my nerves, and as I watched the smoke dance and twirl I asked Spirit for help. I asked that if I was meant to receive this healing, that I be filled with resolve to go, regardless of the echoing fear that seemed to bounce around my skull.

When it was finally time to leave for the event, I felt apprehensive and nervous, but I also felt an underlying sense of reassurance. I was not attending this event alone, my soul sister and circle co-creator was responsible for inviting me in the first place, and her presence helped to provide a sense of safety.

We didn't have to travel far as the event was held in a park area only a few towns away. Wandering down the path and into the open space, I felt grounded, connected and calm. The energy reminded me so much of my childhood home, and stepping into the yurt felt similar to entering into the family room with a cup of coffee for quiet time with my father.

By the time we were ready to being, I saw one more familiar face and I thanked any and all who helped me arrive as it truly felt like I was meant to be in attendance. I still struggled at first to enter fully into the meditative state as I have always associated meditation with a sense of vulnerability.

It would have been easy to let myself get worked up into a frenzy, and to be honest, there were a couple of moments where I could feel the anxiety working its way up. Every time I felt myself waiver, I called on bear for strength.

There was one phrase that kept repeating over and over in my mind as we meditated together,

"Everything is connected."

This is an idea, a sentiment, a belief that I have expressed in one way or another from time to time,  but there was something about how the words flowed as he spoke them to us.

It was this phrase that helped me to open the gate to Spirit that I had so fiercely closed in my attempt to keep myself from falling apart. It was this phrase that helped to break the free from the anxiety that had ridden me so hard only hours before. It was this phrase that allowed me to let go, breath deep, and finally connect.

This was the first time that I was able to mediate since the assault. At a later time I may share what I experienced during the meditation, but for now I think it's something that I will keep to myself as I hold it so close to my heart.

Once we concluded our circle, I was able to spend a couple of moments speaking with the elder, I was able to express my gratitude not just for the experience that evening but for the work that he continues to do as it is in fact so sacred. It is an experience that I will carry with me for the rest of my life

I was also able to connect with the coordinator for the event, which I was very excited to do. I had connected with them briefly as I have taken workshops with them over the last year and half or so, and had initially reached out to them shorty after my attack.

I was relieved and thrilled to learn that they had some availability to work with new clients, and I am happy to say that I had my first session with them only a couple of days ago.

In the hour and a half that we spent together in sacred space, I feel as though I have gained more than the six to eight weeks I spent working with my other therapist. That's not to say that one is 'better' or more 'qualified' than the other, only that for my own journey to healing, that I need someone who can meet me on a spiritual plane. I need someone who understands and meets me where I am, and can provide me with tools and resources that not only encompass a spiritual aspect, but a clinical one as well.

For now, I think I will leave it at that. I will say is that no one knows what is going to help you best, but you. Only you know how you truly feel, even if it's loud and chaotic, deep down you know what you need to help you succeed.

Don't be discouraged by how much 'time' it takes to 'figure it out.' Some times you have to try different things before you discover what is going to do you the most good.

Until next time loves,

Brightest Blessings,


Thealynn

©2013-2016 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf