This might come as a bit of a surprise to some of you, but over the last few months I have been putting in considerable thought to what it might be like to make Spiritual sharing and coaching a full time thing.
For some time I have had the pull to step into the role of a healer, especially considering the work I have put into my own healing journey, it occurred to me that I might just be in a good position to help others through their traumas using the same tools that helped me.
I even reached out and found a wonderful coach who specializes in such things, and while we ended working in a slightly different direction, it never really left my mind.
I spent several weeks struggling to remain present as dates on the calendar brought me back to past events which impacted the course of my life. As much as I wanted to honor those spaces and those feelings, I was starting to get lost in those times while losing sight of the fact that I had moved past them bit by bit.
During our last session I was given a bit of a wake up call to what I was doing and I cannot express how grateful I feel to be back in present time. In the weeks since, the topic has come up multiple times including a conversation I had with a coworker. She shared with me how over the course of several years she had been given the message "Be a Shaman" from her guides. She shared with me how she spent so much time trying to understand what that meant and how to get to that place. Hearing it again a couple of months ago, it finally clicked what her guides were asking her: BE a Shaman. She had to choose every single day to step into that role, to live her life as a Shaman, to BE.
Her story resonated with me so much that I began thinking to myself, that's exactly what I need to do. The words she spoke lined up with what one of my mentors was saying to me about living your life as if you're future is already here.
If I want to be a healer, provide guidance, be a priestess; these are all things I can do right now. I AM a healer, I DO provide guidance, I AM a Priestess. My mentor spoke to me of living in what I want to bring about, and not waiting for a magical time when I just happen to find myself in my future, I literally have to create it.
So, I started today.
I have shared my passions with my teammates in my current profession mostly in passing conversation, and yesterday one of them took me up on it. We had spoken tentatively about getting together once before, and yesterday she was ready to take the plunge. As we settled on a time and place they asked me about also inviting another teammate, to which I was happy to encourage.
So last night I took a bath in an effort to unwind, during which I tried to figure out the best way to broach the subject of helping these people as I did not want to simply wing it. There was also the concern of how to transition from coworker and friend to client. I wasn’t confident in my ability to channel Spirit effectively and I began to worry. It was then that I heard the voice of the Goddess.
This might have been the clearest I have heard her in a long time. She shared with me how she could see and feel my anxiety, my fear of saying or doing the wrong things during the session and how I was concerned that I wouldn’t be what was expected.
She reminded me that these clients are clean slates, they have no expectations other than being genuinely heard, and how they already know that’s what they will be receiving from me because they have already received such from me time and again. These are clients that I already have an established relationship, and trust with, and how it is a testament to my person that they have accepted my offer to assist them in any way that I can.
She told me that the fear and the anxiety that I was feeling were merely the echoes of lives past in which I was ridiculed, abandoned, even killed for the gifts that I possess, and how they are coming up now because I am ready to heal those wounds and fully begin stepping into myself.
She told me, “No one is going to kill you for this, you are not going to die for helping people.”
It was then that my eyes welled with tears as I felt the phantoms of those wounds; the stones bruising my hands and feet, breaking my nose and blackening my eyes, the sharp edges of knives, swords, even axes cutting deep into my flesh and piercing my intestines, the blade of a knife scraping my scalp as they shaved my head, the fire burning my flesh, the noose around my neck, the water filling my lungs.
“I will never stop fighting, I will never cease to heal, I will never turn my back.”
Voice after voice rang in my ears, voices of men and women who were all once me, and I them. It brought me back to a day when I was on my way to work, I received a download of a memory from long ago. I was to be hung on the accusation of witchcraft, I was given one last chance to repent, and as I looked onto the crowd I took in every single face of the village. People I had known my whole life, children that I had helped to bring into the world, people I had nursed back to health, men whose battle wounds I had tended; there was some piety in their eyes, but it was mostly fear.
I began to tell them how I forgave each and every one of them, whether they had accused me or convicted me, whether they had remained silent or whether they defended me, whether they had ever spoken a harsh word or had returned my smiles, I forgave them. I knew I was not the first nor would I be the last, and when I came back to this Earth to return to my work, I would not return with hate in my heart, but with greater compassion for people just like them. Because it was people like me that people like them needed the most.
The Goddess went on to tell me that I was safe, that those wounds of the past did not need to come into the future with me as they had no place here in the present. She told me not to worry about how today would go, to simply go with an open heart and that things would be all right.
As much learning and re-membering that has been taking place for me recently, it’s always reassuring to me know that I have the support of the Universe. As much as I know that my guides are always with me, to have this experience with ‘real talk’ with the Goddess was something truly special.
I’m beginning to see how much in my own way that I can get, and how sometimes all it takes is slowing down, and simply BEing who and what I am. It’s been a couple of months since I have done a full moon ritual centered around release, but I think this upcoming full moon in Sagittarius is the perfect opportunity.
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| Image from Pinterest |
I AM a Healer
I DO Provide Guidance
I AM a Priestess
Be
I
Am
Never shy away from who you are, the world needs you.
Do not be discouraged if you are still discovering who and what you are.
You are powerful, you are wise, you are capable.
~Thealynn
©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf
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