When Guides Come Knocking

Hello lovies,

Welcome to Part Five of my Open Heart Series!

If you have not read the previous parts of this series I would encourage you to follow the links below so that you can get all caught up! What started as a minor project has blossomed into a journey of how, why, and how to!
 
Following pieces of this series will include some meditations that I find helpful, ways to connect with your guides and of course the resulting experience of the February Full Moon Ritual through Sage Goddess.

Previous Series Postings
OHNMR
OHNMRT
Behind Door Number Two
Why Answer the Why

So without further ado!


Prior to getting into the meditation, I'm going to provide a bit of context. That's right folks, we are jumping right in today! Whoohoo!! (You're still in for a long post, I warned you yesterday.)

Several months ago, I made a seemingly immediate and strong connection with someone. We had a brief encounter and continued to talk intermittently but nothing significant changed. Despite being perfectly content in my single life, I couldn't shake the connection we had made. I ended up with a fairly intense infatuation which I found quiet irritating. I knew nothing was going to develop between us, but that didn't seem to matter.

I was venting my frustration to one of my good friends and she suggested to me that, "Maybe your chakras were just wide open when you got together, and now he's just under your skin."

As previously stated, I am not well versed in charka work, so I wasn't entirely sure what she meant, but it sounded right. I decided the only thing to do was to wait it out, let whatever was going on with me run it's course and then I would be done with it. A few weeks later I felt like nothing had changed, so I opted to do a reading for myself to hopefully gain some insight on what I should be doing.

I ended up doing a series of five readings. Not all about the same thing mind you, and not even with the same deck. Doing so many readings in a row is not something that I would recommend simply because messages can get muddled and distorted and boy howdy is it draining. When I sat down to read I had no intention of doing so many, I just let my intuition guide me.

There was one resounding theme in every one of the readings I did-meditate, consult your guides. If that's not enough of a sign then I don't know what is. I did not do this right away as I was getting ready for finals, plus my energy was not focused, it was all over the place.

When I was in a place where I felt like I had enough energy to really commit to it, I decided that I had not Journeyed in a while and figured that would be the best way to do so. When I talk about Journeying, I am referring to the Shamanic practice as I was trained in 2011.

I set my music, took a few deep breaths and spent a good ten minutes trying to hone my focus. Let me tell you, it was just not happening. I began to get frustrated because I had never experienced resistance in the past, and I wasn't quiet sure what to do about it.

It occurred to me that perhaps I simply wasn't grounded enough, and that perhaps doing a quick grounding meditation would be helpful. As I was preparing myself for that I just felt that either I was going to meditate or I was going to Journey. My solution to the dilemma was to use some grounding crystals and try to Journey again.

I went to my desk that also serves as my alter space and reached in blindly for my crystals, trusting that I would know them by touch. I had a mind to use Hematite, or Tiger's Eye which I mentioned in my last post. I would have even been happy with my Tree Root Agate, I ended up with White Howlite and Emerald. I felt a resistance in my body when I went to put them back, clearly these were the ones I was meant to use.

Before settling down again I put on my wolf pendant that I always wear when I meditate or do Journey work, I feel that it creates a link back to the physical plane, and I always feel a great sense of protection when I wear it. You can see a photo of it here. I was also wearing my rose quartz point.

When I meditate with crystals, I usually cross my legs and rest my closed palms on my knees. I didn't do that this time, with a stone in each hand I rested my hands together with my palms facing each other. After just a few breaths I could feel the energies of the crystals working together and creating a kind of helix around me, and I although I couldn't see in my mind's eye where I was or where I was going, I could feel movement. When the feeling settled I felt myself looking around, but still not seeing anything, I called out,

"Hello, is someone there?" I heard a soft chuckle and felt a very warm and feminine presence.

"Oh, my daughter, you grow more beautiful every time I see you." I felt a kiss on each cheek and a smile on her face.

"I'm sorry, I don't recognize your voice." Still in a state of darkness and not wanting to be rude, I attempted to find out her identity.

"What matters is that you called, and I am the One Who Answers." I nodded, only an idiot would argue with that.

We discussed the readings, and the underlining tones of a romance, she spoke to me in a way that was somewhere between a loving parent and a best girlfriend. I expressed her how I hadn't been able to shake the familiarity I felt and more so the fact that he had felt it too. How I felt stuck between trying not to get any kind of hope up, and at the same time acknowledging how important it was being in a place where in fact, I was trying not to get any kind of hope up. I even felt bold enough to ask her if there was a chance that this was not the first life that we had crossed paths. She laughed, and it sounded like music.

"Oh my dear, you'll find that most men you feel drawn to have an air of familiarity. There is a reason they seek you out in this life." I didn't feel the need to inquire further, that in and of itself was enough to consider. By the time our conversation was drawing to a close I could see the sun on the horizon and that we were on a warm beach. The tide was gently coming in as if the ocean itself was slowly waking up. I was finally able to see my guide; she was an unnaturally beautiful woman with creamy skin, golden hair and hazel eyes, wearing what appeared to be a white and sky blue toga inspired dress.

It occurred to me somewhere in the back of my mind that I might be receiving counseling from Aphrodite, but thought it unlikely. Rather than ask again, I thanked her for her guidance. With one last smile she transformed into a dove, and flew away. I stayed for a moment to allow her message to sink in a bit more and to enjoy the warmth of the sand under my bare feet. As I was about to bring myself back, I heard a voice ringing out to me,

"Don't break the connection." So I waited. A series of heart beats passed me by and I was in a forest clearing. Hearing a noise behind me I slowly turned around, there was a black bodied centaur across the clearing. I could feel my breath catch in my throat; I almost couldn't believe what I was seeing. I had a psychic reading done a month or so prior to this and during the reading I was told that one of my spirit guides was centaur. While it resonated with me, I hadn't interacted with this guide up until this point.

When the reader originally described the vision to me, he said that when he first saw my guide, its back was facing him, just as it was with me.

"Are you...?" When she turned to face me, she had a very knowledgeable and patient face.

"Oh yes, it's me. I've been waiting for you." I was flabbergasted. It had been some time since I had worked so openly with a new guide, and now I was two for two. "Well, don't be shy girl, come closer."

I did as she instructed, hesitant at first. She gave me a small soft smile plainly sensing my uncertainty. I returned the gesture and confidence replace the hesitation. We spoke of patience, of stubbornness, of a determined spirit. She spoke to me about my heart, and the way I view the world. Without much thought as to how, I found myself on her back.

"Try seeing things the way I see them. I will always have a wider perspective then you simply because of what I am, but you can learn to observe from my point of view. I know that your patience has been worn thin, and that you have begun to feel the energy of your mate, but patience is key. You are of the Earth, as am I. It is our greatest strength, harness it, do not fear it. To do so would mean that you fear yourself."

As I sat on her back I felt a complete sense of calm, I felt grounded, and strong. I tried to do as she instructed, starting simply by noticing how different the forest looked with only a few feet off of the ground. 

"As tempting as it is, remember this, do not miss the forest for the trees." She turned her head to look at me, her eyes piercing and wise. "When you feel yourself struggling, call to me. I will send you strength and revive your spirit." I nodded silently, trying to take everything in as it was, not wanting to forget a single detail.

In the midst of it all though, I felt something else. I could feel another energy approaching, this time masculine. I dismounted as the energy was too familiar for me not to feel certain I knew who approached. Through the brush a wolf appeared, but it wasn't the wolf I was expecting. Rather than a white wolf or grey wolf as I was used to seeing, this wolf was black. Unsure of what to make of this I looked over to my guide for reassurance but she was far off. Still within my sight but she was making it clear that I was on my own for this one.

Then I remembered another detail that the reader shared with me. During the reading he saw my guide standing next to a black wolf, but the wolf was not a representation of my guide, it was a representation of my partner for this life. As I turned back to the wolf, it began to change, and took the shape of a man. There were no discernible features that I could make out, it was if his shadow had come in his place.

I stood there in complete shock, at a complete loss for words-what the hell was happening?! Never before had another's energy or guide entered my meditation. This was an invite only kind of gathering, and I did not send out invitations.

 "I don't understand..." The shadow seemed to chuckle. I looked back to my guide again hoping that maybe she would explain, this time the wolf was with her, standing side by side just like the reader had described.

"I'm sorry for surprising you, I honestly don't expect to get away with this a second time." The shadow's voice was deep and kind. Looking back in his direction I was still trying to wrap my head around what was taking place. He had moved and was now standing before me, taking my hands in his.

"You don't have to say anything, I'm sure this was the last thing you were expecting." It must have been reflex, why I looked into what would have been his face, and somehow without any indication of facial features, I could sense that his expression was filled with the utmost tenderness.

"Now, I know you've told this to yourself before, because I suspect you'll end up saying it to me when we finally do meet." Raising his hand he tucked some hair behind my ear, his would-be eyes intent on me.

"You know deep in your heart that you are not ready for me to be with you. Just as much as you know that you are not ready to be with me. We still have growing to do, self-discoveries that can only be done apart and because of that they are only going to make us appreciate each other and ourselves that much more." He took a moment to sigh and look at me, (if you can call it looking) as if his subconscious were trying to memorize me so that way I would be easier to find later on.

"I wish I could convey to you how much I know that I already love you. I want nothing more than to show you how precious you are to me. But if we were to meet tomorrow, I wouldn't be able to do that. The man I am right now would run away from you so fast because the man I am right now doesn't know how to appreciate someone as wondrous as you. You deserve the very best that I can possibly give, and the man before you now, well. Not only does he not have the foggiest idea of how to do that, but he's also too selfish."

Despite myself I started to laugh, by this point all I could do was just let whatever was going to happen, happen. Regardless of whether my higher self was doing this to prove a point, or my future partner really had found his way to me, I needed to hear it. Somewhere in the midst of everything it occurred to me that I had become a shadow form too. I hadn't realized up until that point of how connected I felt to this being, so much so that I felt engulfed by his presence. I felt warm and safe, it felt familiar and strange and new all at once.

"I know that I have no right asking anything of you, so I'll put it this way instead. Let us both agree to give ourselves our best chance; let us continue to focus on ourselves, whatever comes our way. It's the best thing we can do for ourselves, and each other." His voice carried resolved, but it sounded hard earned.

I was silent for a moment, feeling a slight struggle within myself. Being as deep into my meditation as I suspected I must have been, I decided to save any debates that were waiting for me until after I was back and grounded. I can only assume that my silence was taken as an agreement, because he spoke again.

"If nothing else I say is remembered, please just know that I am getting to you as fast as I can. My daily conscious may not know it yet, but the part of me that is here with you now, wants to spend every possible day with you." I took a breath and a step back, but did not let go of his hands, suddenly afraid that I might find myself lost in this magical place where a soul's heart could reach me.

For a moment I tried to decipher if the presence before me really was a manifestation of his soul reaching out to me, or if my higher self was feeling particularly elaborate that day. After a moment of studying the shadow man before me I came to the conclusion that it did not really matter. The message itself was the important thing, and I reconciled that as much as I wanted us to be ready for each other, that simply wasn't the case.

I could feel my physical shape starting to return, but before I lost the shadowy essence that so perfectly connected the two of us, I closed my eyes and let my inner light encircle my being. Opening my eyes, I could see he was still dark as night, but I was a shimmering white. While we were connected by our inner essence, we were separate individuals.

"Hopefully this will serve as a reminder." I'm not sure if saying so was more for my benefit or his, but I thought I should at least say something. With reluctance I released his hands and turned to go, making a doorway which opened to a winding staircase that would bring me back down.

"You realize that I'll be able to find you that way. When we meet again, I'll notice that white light around you."

Looking over my shoulder it appeared as though a hand rested in his pocket.  Smiling I answered, "Well, it's not really for you, is it?"

He chuckled, "No, it's all for you."

...

After I came out of my meditation I had to just sit for a while and breath, trying to memorize everything that my guides told me, trying to memorize the whole experience really. Then I remembered the stones, so of course I had to remind myself of their properties. I have a little journal I keep with all of the stones in my possession as well as some brief notes about each one.

White Howlite helps with awareness. It can prepare the user or wearer to receive wisdom from the Higher Self and the Divine.

That was enough to rock my socks off. I was filled with this impending, 'This is the mother load' feeling as I flipped through the pages of my journal.

Emerald was thought to preserve love, as well as being a long time symbol of hope. It is considered by many to be the stone of prophecy. For some the emerald acts as a tranquilizer for a troubled mind.

Never before had my intuition so clearly guided me. There was still one thing I was curious about. Only once before has such a specific deity come to me, so I searched for goddesses associated with doves.

The first result I came across was a blog post talking about Aphrodite and her connection to doves. I decided to dig a little be more and found that Emerald is considered the stone of Aphrodite. My jaw dropped, I had no clue prior to any of this about those connections. My mind was officially blown.

This meditative experience is something that I am going to remember for the rest of my life. It was such a profound experience for me, so much so that I don't expect it to happen again. I am certainly open to it don't get me wrong, but meditation, whether to clear your mind or to reach out to your guides is about being open to what they have for you. I wasn't sure what I was going to get or who was going to be there (clearly!) but I trusted in the Universe, and I trusted in my guides. That is how meditations should be.

I hope that you have been enjoying the Open Heart Series so far, as there is more to come! Next I'll be sharing a few different techniques for meditating, some tips on how I've connected with my guides and how you can connect with yours.

Sending you light and love as always until next time,

Thealynn

©2013-2015 Thealynn