I decided to take a couple of days to myself to focus on implementing some of the changes I've been wanting to do with my blog, and also think about what I wanted to write about next. I reviewed the list I have going, and while I am excited to write about those things, I also have had cumulus nimbus hanging around. So I've been trying to take things easy and not overwhelm myself with the same thought patterns over and over again.
I was on my way home from the store when a song came on Pandora that I used to listen to all the time. It's called A Little Bit Stronger by Sarah Evans. Now, why a country song decided to randomly play on my Lady Gaga station, I can only imagine as a sign from the Universe to talk more about what I'm working through.
I used to journal almost every day when I was in high school, it was really the only therapy I was able to have. I would usually write about how much I hated everything, and how hopeless I felt, how angry I was. I spent most of my freshmen year of high school in the worst depression of my life. By sophomore year I had stabilized a bit and I would journal about school and friends, emotional dilemmas and of course boys. Junior and Senior year was more of the same-but it was an outlet that I desperately needed, and since then whenever things have been hard or I couldn't stop thinking about a particular issue, I would write about it.
I realize that my main goal of this blog is for my spiritual goals and experiences, and sharing my ideas. But when I stop and think about my spiritual health, I realize that my emotional and mental health have to be there as well or I don't get anything done. The motivation simply isn't there.
When I put my head phones in and I heard the lyrics, I almost skipped the song. But I chose to listen to it and during my five minute walk I thought about how I used to feel when I listened to this song.
I felt heartbroken, I felt lost, helpless, hopeless and that all of the light had gone from the world. How could I have let things get to where they had gotten? Why didn't I do x, y, or z?
I also thought about how differently I felt listening to it now. I feel strong, brave. I realized that I am worth so much more then what I was given, and the trials that I experienced because of the situation I allowed myself to be in.
Eventually, step by step, day by day, I worked through the toughest part of my life. So while I am experiencing this particular rough patch, I am going keep my head high. I am taking things one day at a time.
When I start to feel like things are too much, I take a deep breath and I take a break. I meditate, or hold one of my crystals. I cry even. Not in a 'there's no way out' way. But in a 'I need to let this stress out so that I can do what I need to do' way.
Every trial I have faced, and obstacle that has come my way, I have been able to overcome. Every day that I have refused to bow down to what I know I DON'T want to be, and I've gotten a little bit stronger every time because of that.
I've become strong enough to accept that I experience anxiety and depression in a potentially life damaging way. I'm not hiding from it any more. Facing them means that yes, they are out in the open, so I am noticing them much more then I did before. But I had to face them to work on them, to figure out MY way.
Not everyday is going to be shining and wonderful, some days are going to be dreary and gloomy and those days might be right next to each other. But everyday that I work through, and every day that I do not surrender is a reason to be proud of my progress.
I believe that should be the same for everyone. When you're experiencing hardships, when life throws you a curve ball, don't feel like you have to tackle the whole thing in one foul swoop. Don't sweep it all under the rug or push it down and ignore it.
Take it one day at a time, deal with one piece at a time. Give yourself a grace period for figuring things out, be patient with yourself while you sort through everything. Don't feel like there is a time limit on healing, but don't forget to be proactive!
While there are resources and people out there who can help, we have to be responsible for the positive changes we want to see in ourselves.
When I did the Full Moon Ritual two weeks ago, Athena said something that really struck me and I have not been able to forget it since.
Let Go and Let Come.
It's such a beautiful sentiment. Let go of all the things that hold you back, that make you sad, that simply do not serve your highest good. Let come all of the joy, the potential and the happiness that is out there waiting for you to grasp it!
We can do this!
I'll admit that when I went to upload this photo I laughed a little bit because I noticed that there is a double rainbow hiding in there! I took this photo a few years ago when I was living in Portland and I just saw that for the first time today. How perfect is that?
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| You can find this picture and others on my Instagram. Copywrite.Thealynn13.2014 |
Sidebar: Please say tuned for the new Oracle Card of the week on Sunday! Also stay tuned for the Solstice post that should be up on Sunday as well! It'll be chalk full of history, recipes and the ritual I plan to do Sunday night!
Blessings to you on your journey, never forget that you are strong enough to live this life. And you have the ability to make it into anything that you want it to be. All of that potential is inside of you.
You are not alone.
Sending you all shining light and love,
Thealynn
©2013-2015 Thealynn
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