Being The Voice

Blessed Litha! 

Image from Pinterest (Artist Unknown)

Blessed Summer Solstice!

This is the time! Time to celebrate, time to love, to feel alive, to dance and sing, to go on adventures, to do that one thing you've always wanted to do but never allowed yourself to. This is the time to embrace every part of yourself, to express your deepest gratitude to the Great Spirit, to Source, to embrace the Divine Feminine, to show love to your Sacred Masculine. 

This is the time to love the sum of all of your parts because they make you exactly who you are, who you need to be. This is the time to love yourself for every mistake, stumble, and detour you've ever taken, because they've all lead you to this moment. And this moment is so beautiful. 

This day makes the halfway point between the year, this marks the essence of light! This is the time to get moving, to let yourself embrace your wild, to encourage your ambition, to reach for what you want most. 

The whole Universe is dancing, and singing, and lighting fires to guide you on your way to your highest good, because there is nothing in this world that you are meant to be deprived of. You are worthy of love, you are worthy of abundance, you are worthy of health, you are worthy of friendship, you are worthy of respect, you are worthy of compassion, you are worthy of acknowledgement, you are worthy of freedom.

You are so loved by the Universe, and by your guides, your ancestors, all of whom reach out to you every single day to express that to you, and you are worthy of seeing it.

The pain and suffering, the injustice, the blame, the guilt; all of these things are what we create as humans because we are not perfect, and some times we get lost along the way. Life is not pain free, but it is what we do with that pain that matters the most. 

You are so strong, and resilient, and beautiful, and kind, and we need you here. We need you here and now because no one else can tell your story. No one else can do what you came here to do. You are never alone, ever. You are so important, and so cherished. You have everything you need inside of you to change anything you put your mind and heart into. You really, truly can. 

Let today be the first day when you do not worry, when you do not stress, when you choose not to be afraid, when you deny anger; let today be the first day that you choose happiness, that you choose self-love, that you choose to say yes to your future today. Your future is now, it's not out there in the vast distance. Be who, and what, and how, and are TODAY. 

This world needs people like you, like me, like us to stand up - Together, United - and be the voice of reason, of compassion, of dignity, of understanding. Today is the day, this is the time. 

Step out into the light, embrace the wild, the untamed, the fierce, the badass that you are when no one is looking, or perhaps the one that you've hidden away. Let them be born into the light today, and welcome them home, for this is the time. 

Image from keen.com

 ~Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

When Animals Speak

Hey there loves,

I have talked about working with guides in the past, and tonight I felt inspired to touch on that subject again as I have been recently visited by a couple of animal guides.

Two guides have been showing up a lot for me over the last several weeks, so today I set aside some

 time to reference my go to sources for Animal Guide messages and meanings: Animal Speak by Ted Andrews.

Both of the animals I have been seeing speak of transformation, new beginnings, creativity, taking on new adventures.

Image from insects-morphology.blogspot.com

Dragonfly refers to beginning and ending of cycles, referencing a two year time frame. Two years ago I was utterly lost, and it was around this time that I was given a chance to start over. I thought what my life might be like two years from now and I can only imagine good things.

Image from wildlifeanimalz.blogspot.com

Robin is particularly special to me because I saw them all of the time as a child. Robin brings back special memories of a time when I had no hindrances and no blocks from what I could do with my gifts.

One reason that I love Animal Speak so much is that often times it will recommend another animal to study in addition to the one being discussed as they are closely connected to the animal kingdom and can often provide greater clarity.

This lead me to Frog which happens to be in the 'squeal' volume, Animal Wise.

Frog reiterated the themes of transformation, new beginnings, creativity and the possibility of setting off on a new venture.

Image from www.richard-seaman.com

Frog did caution against accepting offers too hastily or without research. It helped to balance the excitement and perhaps the fog that can be brought on with a desire to go, go, go.

Even though all three of these animals are connected to the elements of Air, Water, or both, having my ideas grounded in good decision making is extremely important. This also speaks of taking the necessary time to grow and evolve into my most capable self to see these projects through.

That's what I have for you today, as tomorrow is the Full Moon, and I promised to host a small ritual I should probably make sure my space is nice a clean and that I am also energetically prepared.

Hoping this Full Moon finds you well, and be sure to keep your eyes open for what animals might be trying to guide you.

Full Moon Blessings,

 ~Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Be I Am

Good evening loves,

This might come as a bit of a surprise to some of you, but over the last few months I have been putting in considerable thought to what it might be like to make Spiritual sharing and coaching a full time thing. 

For some time I have had the pull to step into the role of a healer, especially considering the work I have put into my own healing journey, it occurred to me that I might just be in a good position to help others through their traumas using the same tools that helped me. 

I even reached out and found a wonderful coach who specializes in such things, and while we ended working in a slightly different direction, it never really left my mind.

I spent several weeks struggling to remain present as dates on the calendar brought me back to past events which impacted the course of my life. As much as I wanted to honor those spaces and those feelings, I was starting to get lost in those times while losing sight of the fact that I had moved past them bit by bit. 

During our last session I was given a bit of a wake up call to what I was doing and I cannot express how grateful I feel to be back in present time. In the weeks since, the topic has come up multiple times including a conversation I had with a coworker. She shared with me how over the course of several years she had been given the message "Be a Shaman" from her guides. She shared with me how she spent so much time trying to understand what that meant and how to get to that place. Hearing it again a couple of months ago, it finally clicked what her guides were asking her: BE a Shaman. She had to choose every single day to step into that role, to live her life as a Shaman, to BE.

Her story resonated with me so much that I began thinking to myself, that's exactly what I need to do. The words she spoke lined up with what one of my mentors was saying to me about living your life as if you're future is already here. 

If I want to be a healer, provide guidance, be a priestess; these are all things I can do right now. I AM a healer, I DO provide guidance, I AM a Priestess. My mentor spoke to me of living in what I want to bring about, and not waiting for a magical time when I just happen to find myself in my future, I literally have to create it. 

So, I started today. 

I have shared my passions with my teammates in my current profession mostly in passing conversation, and yesterday one of them took me up on it. We had spoken tentatively about getting together once before, and yesterday she was ready to take the plunge. As we settled on a time and place they asked me about also inviting another teammate, to which I was happy to encourage.

So last night I took a bath in an effort to unwind, during which I tried to figure out the best way to broach the subject of helping these people as I did not want to simply wing it. There was also the concern of how to transition from coworker and friend to client. I wasn’t confident in my ability to channel Spirit effectively and I began to worry. It was then that I heard the voice of the Goddess.

This might have been the clearest I have heard her in a long time. She shared with me how she could see and feel my anxiety, my fear of saying or doing the wrong things during the session and how I was concerned that I wouldn’t be what was expected.

She reminded me that these clients are clean slates, they have no expectations other than being genuinely heard, and how they already know that’s what they will be receiving from me because they have already received such from me time and again. These are clients that I already have an established relationship, and trust with, and how it is a testament to my person that they have accepted my offer to assist them in any way that I can.

She told me that the fear and the anxiety that I was feeling were merely the echoes of lives past in which I was ridiculed, abandoned, even killed for the gifts that I possess, and how they are coming up now because I am ready to heal those wounds and fully begin stepping into myself.

She told me, “No one is going to kill you for this, you are not going to die for helping people.”

It was then that my eyes welled with tears as I felt the phantoms of those wounds; the stones bruising my hands and feet, breaking my nose and blackening my eyes, the sharp edges of knives, swords, even axes cutting deep into my flesh and piercing my intestines, the blade of a knife scraping my scalp as they shaved my head, the fire burning my flesh, the noose around my neck, the water filling my lungs.

“I will never stop fighting, I will never cease to heal, I will never turn my back.”

Voice after voice rang in my ears, voices of men and women who were all once me, and I them. It brought me back to a day when I was on my way to work, I received a download of a memory from long ago. I was to be hung on the accusation of witchcraft, I was given one last chance to repent, and as I looked onto the crowd I took in every single face of the village. People I had known my whole life, children that I had helped to bring into the world, people I had nursed back to health, men whose battle wounds I had tended; there was some piety in their eyes, but it was mostly fear.

I began to tell them how I forgave each and every one of them, whether they had accused me or convicted me, whether they had remained silent or whether they defended me, whether they had ever spoken a harsh word or had returned my smiles, I forgave them. I knew I was not the first nor would I be the last, and when I came back to this Earth to return to my work, I would not return with hate in my heart, but with greater compassion for people just like them. Because it was people like me that people like them needed the most.

The Goddess went on to tell me that I was safe, that those wounds of the past did not need to come into the future with me as they had no place here in the present. She told me not to worry about how today would go, to simply go with an open heart and that things would be all right.

As much learning and re-membering that has been taking place for me recently, it’s always reassuring to me know that I have the support of the Universe. As much as I know that my guides are always with me, to have this experience with ‘real talk’ with the Goddess was something truly special.

I’m beginning to see how much in my own way that I can get, and how sometimes all it takes is slowing down, and simply BEing who and what I am. It’s been a couple of months since I have done a full moon ritual centered around release, but I think this upcoming full moon in Sagittarius is the perfect opportunity.

I am excited to say that the two individuals I mentioned earlier will be joining me, and have expressed their interest and desire to take this journey with me. It truly is an incredible honor to be in a place of service, it really does make my heart soar. 

Image from Pinterest

I AM a Healer 

I DO Provide Guidance

I AM a Priestess

Be

I

Am


Never shy away from who you are, the world needs you.

Do not be discouraged if you are still discovering who and what you are.

You are powerful, you are wise, you are capable.


~Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

A Shot in the Dark

Hey there loves,

There has been a topic of conversation and study that has been at the forefront for me recently that I thought I might share with you. When it was first brought to my attention I didn't think it was something that I personally needed to work through and even thought that I had done all of the work that needed to be done in this particular area.

I can't say that this will be the last time I talk about this subject, because like most things in life and spirituality, it's ever evolving.

This is something that I have been curious about, have kind of wandered around but never getting too close, something I've had a pull towards for a long time but never really felt comfortable exploring and it can be reduced to one single word: Darkness.

Photo from joryfisher.com

Usually at this point is where people start becoming nervous and wondering what the hell I am going to say next and is it even worth hearing?

I'm going to go out on a limb and say yes. I am willing to wager that there are those who like me have struggled with deconstructing the demonization of darkness. I find more often than not that so many of us come to a path of spiritual freedom because we have fought for it through oppression, rejection, denial of worth, hypocrisy, and archaic beliefs.

I've spoken before about how I was raised in a Christian family, and how I have even spent different parts of my life attempting to swallow the blue pill only to come to find myself resentful at their attempts of conformity and their blindness when it came to the cavern separating fear and love.

By walking along this path of Spiritual freedom and embracing my inner voice I thought that to some extent there would be a blanket affect when it came to releasing the fear of the dark and the oogie boogies that might live there. But as I have developed more in my path and allowed myself to be more honest, I've realized how that wasn't quite true.

I might not be afraid of the dark any more, but that doesn't automatically translate to embracing the dark. From the time that I have spent attempting to learn and grow, what I have found to be the most consistent practice is to focus on the light, maintain a high vibration, focus solely on the positive.

Not to say that there is anything wrong with those things, aside to say that it's not entirely realistic. We are here to have a human experience, and that means facing challenges and hardships as often as we experience the things that bring us joy.

There also seems to be this preconception that the dark is something to avoid, that it holds less value than the light, when in fact the light and the dark need each other. Call it balance, two halves of a whole, yin and yang, any of these names are accurate.

Just as the Universe is everything including the dark and the light, so too do we possess both the light and the dark. We may have a tendency towards one or the other, but that doesn't justify completely shutting out the other side of ourselves.

What is becoming more and more apparent to me is that there are some of us that connect more easily to darker energies. And it really has nothing to do with not being able or not wanting to connect with more sunny or light deities, but rather that not everyone is going to mesh as well with one form of spirit to the next.

I also thought about the expression 'the Shadowself', I have written about it myself and am beginning to understand on a deeper level how the Shadowself is really the aspects of ourselves that perhaps take more effort to work with and appreciate, the parts of ourselves that we find more difficult to love; but that doesn't meant that we should completely ignore it.

Light and darkness cannot exist without the other, and in multiple creation stories it is described how before the light, there was darkness, and how the light is birthed from the darkness, just as we are. When we enter this world we are exiting a place of darkness, the womb. We come into a world of light that we have to adjust to and grow into.

I think we owe it to ourselves to explore and be willing to expand our understanding of what the dark really is. Even in pop culture we are still being fed that the dark is something to fear, something sinister, something to defeat, to conquer.

Like most spiritual endeavors it might not be the most comfortable, and it might take some time, but it's the journeys such as these that often hold the most value. It is when we step outside of our comfort zone that can bring us the most growth and in turn hold profound meaning to us, what's more it may turn out to be exactly what we've been looking for.

In the future I hope dive a bit deeper into this topic as there really is so much that can be discussed. For now I really just wanted to express the thoughts that have been accumulating, a bit of a starting place. Pieces and ideas to jump off of, perhaps even start some conversations.

I look forward to see where this journey goes, it feels like a long time coming.

Wishing you comfort and clarity,

~Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Deep In The Dark

Deep In The Dark

I was raised to be afraid of the dark

To fear the shadows and any and all who lurked there

I was taught to avoid the deep

To shy away from any and all who might lead me there

Only trouble and danger waited in the dark

The shadows were there to smother your senses

Going deep could only end in a drowning

Nothing worth having or being existed in those places

Nature was pretty in sight and scent

But nature was below us, because it was made for us

We were above nature, we were masters

Nevermind that we wouldn’t survive without it

In Nature, the dark is natural

The dark is needed to balance the light

Life and Death dance together out of necessity and love

Thus Nature is dark, and dark is Death

As I grew so did my love for nature

The simplicity dancing with the complexity

Dancing in rhythm just as Life and Death do

As I grew so did my curiosity of the dark

I found myself feeling safe in the shadows

I found myself longing for the deep

The peace, the quiet, the comfort

Such things are plentiful in the dark

The dark holds truths that require strength

The dark holds a silent song

The dark requires nothing

The dark only asks for authenticity

It’s easy to hide here in the dark

But it is courage that is needed to find yourself there

I now long for the long nights

For the voices and the whispers that caress my skin like a breeze

Some may find fear in the dark

But the pitch black is where I find love

Ancient wisdom and magic make up this place

I make up this place

Deep inside I am the Dark

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

A Love Note in a Bottle

Hey there loves,

I don't know how many have seen my previous post, in which I shared my experiences over the last year. The first year since I was sexually assaulted and how I've tried to move forward only to find myself stuck in the past for the last several weeks.

I had a coaching session with a wonderful mentor earlier this week and they helped to pull me back into the present rather being lost in my past. Rather than chastising myself for getting lost on the way forward, I embraced myself with compassion and understanding that I'd been denying myself.

Somewhere along the way I had forgotten what I needed most from myself, which was love. Tonight as I was writing down some thoughts, I recalled a love letter that I had written to myself some months ago. As I read the message, it was as if I was reading from my future self rather than my past, and perhaps in a way, that's true.

I was so moved by the contents, I wanted to share that letter here. I was to preface this by saying that I have simply copied and pasted the contents from its source, and thus I will not be making any edits. I also wanted to say that I truly believe that this is not just a love letter to myself, but to everyone. While it does contain female pronouns because that is how I personally identify, I want everyone to feel free to save this letter, share it, change the pronouns if you feel called to do so.

From the bottom of my heart I send you all compassion and love,

Thealynn

Hello you,

Before I really jump into starting this project and starting this journey, I wanted to say a couple of things to you, to me? To you, me, us. 

Before I say anything else, I want to say that I love you. 

I know I don't say that to you nearly as much as I should, and I am going to commit to changing that, because you are miraculous. You have faced so many challenges, you have overcome so many trials and no matter how close you may have come, you have never given up. 

I know how close you've come, because I have been there with you. I am the voice who had pleaded with you to stay, who has begged you to keep trying, who has held you close in those times when you didn't feel like you were strong enough. I am that voice who encourages you to keep going, even if it's just one more day. 

You may not think this about yourself, but I want you to understand how resilient you truly are. I never want you to think that you are somehow weak or fragile - don't let yourself be confused when it comes to being vulnerable. We have our moments, everyone does, and it takes a courageous person to allow yourself to embrace that vulnerability, it is there that true healing happens. 

You deserve to heal. You deserve to leave the hurt behind. I know you're stubborn enough to never truly forget what has gotten you to the places and people who have caused so much chaos, and I know how much you want to be a safe space for others, but never forget that you deserve that safe space within yourself and for yourself. 

You are wise in that you forgive all of those who have wronged you, because in the end, you will be so far above them that not forgiving them will ultimately bring you down and keep you from progressing. You are also wise in that you allow yourself the space and the time you need to arrive at  forgiveness.

Never question yourself when it comes to the time frame in which things happen and evolve because no time is wasted. While others may struggle with the same obstacles time and again, you do not. You see where a better choice could have been made and you merge with it so completely that you watch for it in times to come. 

You are cautious, you are learning discernment, and how to put yourself and your needs first. You are selfless, you are kind, you are generous. Be sure that you are all of these things not just to those around you, but to yourself as well. 

I want you to know how proud I am of you. Your life and your person could have gone so many directions and yet you have stayed true to yourself to the best of your abilities, even in times when it would have been understandable if you had strayed. 

Despite the horrors that have been committed against you, to find the trust and the perseverance in Spirit that there is more than meets the eye, seems almost impossible at times, but you always manage to do so in your own time. 

You are continuously grateful to Spirit for Its bountiful gifts, and slowly if not surely, you are learning to accept them not just for others, but for yourself.

This may not have been an easy life to choose, but you chose it because you knew then and know now that you are capable of conquering your mission here, one wave at a time. 

You are not a victim, nor are you merely a survivor, you are a warrior. You are a hero for all of those who do not know how to reach that inner strength, you help others find the light within themselves, you help to quite the outside noises to that their true voice might be heard. 

You are healer, teacher, guide, priestess. You are a shinning star that glows with the warmth and love of the Great Goddess, Mother to All. You possess both light and darkness, you are both life and death. 

Be open to washing away the pain my dear, you don't need to hold onto it any longer.

Amen, Aho, and So It Is. 

Many Blessings, 

Namaste.

~Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf 8/28/2016

One Year Later

5/10
Yesterday marked one year since it happened; since I was raped. In some ways it's hard to believe that so much time has passed, but when I look back and really allow myself to think about it, it has easily been the longest year of my life.

A year ago I didn't think that I would make it to this point. I didn't think I would make it past an hour, or two. I didn't think that I would be able to make my way through an entire day. This time last year I was in denial, I thought I had imagined it all. I thought I had simply experienced a horrible nightmare that I just needed to wake up from.

I remember feeling separate from my body, like a switch in my brain had initiated cruise control and when my exit came I would somehow snap out of it and then everything would be fine again...but it never did. For days it went on, all I could do was cry until I was too weak to do even that. I remember only being able to rest for maybe 15 or 20 minutes at a time before waking up terrified for a few minutes before realizing where I was.

It didn't seem to matter whether I was in my own room, or if I was with my partner. I remember thinking that the pain was all I would ever feel again, that the guilt I never understood before was the only thing that seemed to make sense, and even though I struggled to form together even the simplest of words, inside my mind all I could do was scream.

I had felt my heart break in more ways then one, by more than one person. I had experienced devastation and wondered how I long it would be until I felt better again. But not this time. I had been transported to the darkest place I had ever been in, a place that I didn't have know existed until I found myself there. And there was no getting out, at least, as far as I could see.

It was slow going; every day was a challenge with ever hour filled with sense of hopelessness, of utter loneliness, of rage and anger and confusion, constant nausea and dizzy spells that would seemingly come out of nowhere.

5/17

When I set out to write this, I didn't have trouble finding the words; in fact they flowed so easily that I found myself wondering if it had actually been as long as the calendar says. I doubted that the justice which had been served was legitimate or whether I had imagined it all.

In my own way I became lost trying to navigate how the rest of my life is supposed to be, what I'm supposed to do next. So much of that year was simply trying to figure out how to get my life back, so much of last year was desperately clinging onto the hope and the indispensable belief that justice would be served, if for no other reason than because I couldn't picture what it would look like otherwise.

It's been a few months now simply just trying to get back to it all, and in some ways I feel lost without that desperation and that light at the end of the tunnel that I couldn't seem to erase from my mind's eye. It took weeks for it to really sink in that my legal fight was over, and not only that, but that I had won. I was victorious, and I could breath a little easier knowing that my attacker was behind bars.

In this past year, I have wondered several times what I would feel once I got to this point, one year past.

5/23

When I set out to write this I didn't expect it to take two weeks, potentially being the longest amount of time that I have spent working on a single posting.

When I made the decision to fight back, to fight for justice and ultimately decided that I wanted my life back; I didn't realize that the journey back to myself would be just as if not more difficult as the journey to justice.

No one speaks about how being a survivor is in itself a way of life. No one tells you that once the fight is over that a new one begins. No one mentions that every day can be its own battle to maintain what has already been so hard fought for.

I had hoped that once I had won my case that I wouldn't think about my attack or my attacker as often as I do. I didn't think I would see him in the features of strangers, I didn't think that I would have to regularly remind myself that he is in jail. I didn't think I would doubt my safety as often as I catch myself doing. I didn't think that I would be able to understand why victims some times choose to end their lives than to continue as intimately as I do even after so much time has passed.

But that's when I stop and I ask myself to look deeply at how much my life has improved in the last year; not because of what happened to be but in spite of it all.

I have a wonderful job where I am surrounded by amazingly supportive and compassionate people, I have a beautiful home where I feel safe and secure where I can practice my belief and my skills freely, I have a growing relationship with my siblings that I lacked this time last year, and I have a deeply loving relationship with a partner that I fall in love with every time I see them.

I may have been unaware that this next step was just that, it is simply the next chapter of my story, the next leg of my ultimate journey. I don't want to put some sort of illusion out there that this journey of healing will or will not ever have an ending, but I hope that it does.

~Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf