Moonlight at the End of the Tunnel

Hey there loves,

How is the Full Moon in Leo treating you all? Are you feeling the affects of the eclipse? Were you able to see the comet from your part of the world?

Image from http://siriusastro.pl/

I don't know how the rest of you feel, but this year in particular the month of February feels rather...precarious. Perhaps because at least in my world, so many things have been shifting and moving around. Two major things have been settled within the first half of this month for me; the first being the move which you can read about in my Post Move Update, and the other which is still sinking in.

Before I jump in, I wanted to touch on something that I have noticed in my life, perhaps you have noticed in yours as well. Perhaps you're familiar with the saying, things happen in threes, I've even written a blog post with that exact title.

Over the last nine months I have written several times about my experience with sexual assault, my frustrations, my fears, the hope that I dared to carry as it was something I simply needed to hold onto.

The day before I was set to move, I was in my now old bedroom, finishing up the last of my packing when my phone began to ring. Looking at the caller ID, I knew it had to be one of two people, so I answered it. It was my attorney calling to get my input on what I would be satisfied with as far as a plea deal was concerned and confirming whether or not I had received my subpoena for the following week as we were set to go to trial.

Even now I am grateful that I was sitting down as this was the first I had heard since October. I had been told during that time that I could expect to hear sometime between January and February, but I certainly did not expect it to be right before my move. Rather than go over too many specifics over the phone, we set a meeting to discuss a potential plea deal and to prep for trial in the event that the deal was denied.

It was a long weekend as we waited to hear if the deal would be accepted, and while I wanted to much to be aligned with what would serve my highest good, I prayed to any and all that would listen, to grant me the grace of not going to trial. The thought of reliving the events of that night in excruciating detail would be difficult enough, but to do so in court in front of strangers and further more, causing my partner to relive the pain again made my stomach feel as though it were trying to reach the center of the Earth.

I got the call that Monday morning, the deal had been accepted. I was then asked if I wanted to attend the sentence hearing, and after giving it some thought, I decided to go. I had no desire to see my attacker again, but I knew that hearing and seeing him sentenced would provide a level of closure that I didn't think would be possible.

Sitting in the courtroom I was filled with nerves as we waited for him to be brought in, even remembering it down I can feel the nausea, the lightheaded tingling, my breath laboring as I still couldn't quite believe that I had finally made it to this moment.

Hearing him answer the judge's questions, his voice was strong and resolved, it was hard to tell what he was thinking. I knew he was still in denial about the damage that he had caused, but that didn't matter at this point.

Prior to the proceedings I was told that if I so wished, that I would be given the chance to make a statement, I couldn't begin to think of what I could possibly say that would be constructive, that would be meaningful. Truth be told, there was absolutely nothing that I wanted to say that I also felt needed to be said.

I was being granted justice, the one thing I've wanted more than anything else these last nine months. Sure, I suppose I could have said that while he has forever changed my life, that his will forever be ruined. That just because I agreed to a 'lesser charge' of Sexual Assault II versus Rape I that it doesn't change the meaning of what happened to me that night.  That regardless of what his record says or what he chooses to call himself, he is a rapist, and that will never change. Just as I will never not be a rape survivor ever again.

All of those sentiments would have fallen on deaf ears, and the truth is that I didn't want to him to have anything else from me as he had already taken so much.

It's difficult not to become emotional as I think of it all, as I look back at how much pain has been endured, not just by me, but also from the friends and family that watched and supported me as I struggled through to find the person that I was before all of this happened.

During last night's ritual, our ritual host and leader Athena, touched on the story of Isis and Osiris, how when Osiris was murdered by his brother, Isis traveled around the globe searching for the pieces of his being to put him back together, and how the act of re-membering him was the greatest act of love.

Last night we worked with deities from the Hindu tradition that I hadn't known about prior, Rati and Kamadeva; Goddess of Passion and God of Lust. She spoke of how they have a similar story, in that when Kamadeva was murdered, she traveled all around to collect his ashes so that she could re-member him.

Going into the meditative state, I knew could already feel how important being vulnerable and open to healing would be, I could also feel how the urge to resist was lying in wait, like an automatic reflex ready to pull me back.

During the meditation we were lead to a beautiful white marble temple and asked to lay on a bed/mattress in the middle of the room, with Rati and Kamadeva joining us on either side. Sensing my hesitation and my uneasiness, they created an energetic egg around us, and held me the way two parents would hold their frightened child.

I told them how much I knew I needed the healing, how I could almost see the pain slowly becoming a safety blanket and how I knew it wasn't what I wanted, but at the same time, it just happened all the same. They shared with me how the best way to dissolve such things lies in forgiveness. How forgiving the source of the pain is the best way to release it, and how they could see that I held that knowledge within me already. They asked me to please forgive my rapist, how it would be the last step in this process, and then it would simply be living a conscious life, something I was already doing.

I looked inside myself, despite knowing the answer. I saw the girl I was nine months ago, desperately holding into a ball of energy that was so many things all at once; denial, anger, unbelievable pain, sorrow, self-loathing, guilt.

I told them how I just didn't know how to forgive him right now, that I knew I should and that I wanted to want to, but that I couldn't bring myself to truly want to forgive him yet.

They each took on of my hands and showed me other men in my life who had caused me unspeakable pain:

My biological father; his abandonment, his drug and alcohol abuse, his literal denial of my identity. Yet I had forgiven him, and that through his actions I was introduced to a father who loves me unconditionally despite some difficult times.

My ex-fiance; his complete and utter mistreatment of me throughout the course of our relationship, his betrayal when he cheated on me with someone I considered to be a best friend, his swift resolve to move on and marry someone new less then two years after our engagement ended. Yet, I had forgiven him. Rather then considering our years together as wasted time, it provided me a clear picture of what I wanted from a relationship, from a partner.

Then there was my rapist. Yes, he was by far the worst in that he violated my being in every way that a person can be violated. And yet, from all of this I have gained so much, I have learned so much, and I will live a life far more fulfilling then I would have previously thought possible. I made it through the most difficult, painful, and trying event of my life, and here I was. And here I am.

We were beginning to be called back, I embraced each in turn and thanked them from the bottom of my heart for their love, their guidance and their healing. My journey to justice is complete, resolved. I sent my rapist to jail. I am in a beautiful new home with a man that I love and adore, two animals who make me laugh every day, and I am able to wake up every morning and be grateful for all of the miracles and blessings that have been gifted to me.

I realize and fully accept that forgiveness is something that I will come to in my own time and is something that I know will serve me, but I also know that some times when we resolve to forgive people who have hurt us, it can feel like we are 'giving them a pass' for what happened to us. It can feel like we are sweeping it under the rug, it can feel like we are saying that those events didn't happen, that what we endured doesn't matter.

What forgiveness really means, is that in spite of the pain and struggle, that we are more important then the person who hurt us. That our happiness, our love for ourselves, and our desire to move on is more important then staying in those spaces where it hurts. That's not to say that we are always ready to immediately move on from the hurt, because nothing heals over night. I'm not ready to fully move on from the pain and suffering that I feel. Some days I feel it more then others, and when I have those days, it's just as important to acknowledge and honor the pain for what it is.

For me personally, forgiveness means that I am not willing to live in the past. It means that I care more about my future then I do about what happened to me trying to get to where I want to go. By forgiving those who have hurt me, it means that I am choosing to become stronger rather then let those experiences weaken me.

Having these views and these beliefs doesn't always make things easier, in fact, most of the time it makes things more difficult, but it makes every experience infinitely worth more.

Whatever you might being going through, however you might be struggling, please know that you are never alone. As impossible as it may feel, you are strong enough to get through the struggles that you're facing.

The resources that I am sharing below, I have shared once before, but if this is your first time with me, I want to be sure that you see these. Use them yourself, share them with your friends and family, or perhaps you don't know who they will help, you never know who will benefit from them. I know that they have certainly helped me.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-273-TALK
Here is the link to the private chat: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx


National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 or 1-800-656-HOPE
Here is the link to the private chat: https://hotline.rainn.org/online/terms-of-service.jsp


https://www.rainn.org/
RAINN is the nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization. They are bursting with information, and one of the main resources I used, including their confidential chat which I utilized while I decided on a therapist.

https://www.notalone.gov/resources/
Not Alone was also incredibly helpful because it provided me with a list of crisis centers as well as a hot line that is confidential and 24/7

http://www.womenslaw.org/gethelp_national_type.php?type_id=1056
WomensLaw is a great site for information about different organizations, statics, and additional resources to get you the help that you need.

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Lifeline is always a resource to be aware of regardless of what crisis you might be facing, there is someone who is willing to be there for you.

Love and Healing to you now and always dear ones,

~Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Post Move Update

Hey there loves,

I can honestly say that I don't think I've had so much happen in a seven day span as this previous week. I doubt that in this particular update that I will touch on everything that has taken place, but I just wanted to take some time and talk to you all.

As of yesterday I have been in my new home for one week, and am pleased to say that for the most part my partner and I are settled in. The move went smoothly enough, with the small exception that we were informed of a minor flood in our apartment that had been discovered a few days prior.

We were very fortunate to be moving into a space that had been updated with new appliances, carpet, counter tops, a fresh paint job, etc. It turns out that when the new washer and dryer were being installed the valve on the hot water heater cracked and went unnoticed at first, so we spent the first few days in our new space with very large fans designed to remove all of the moisture not just from the carper but from the walls also, which thankfully was successful.

A minor downside is that we are still waiting to have some of the floor boards put back into place and a section of the wall in our laundry area rebuilt which has prevented us from putting together our bookshelves, and as that it is the remainder of what needs to be unpacked, it's hard not to feel accomplished for such a short amount of time.

One side affect of not having our bookshelves together is that I have not set up any sort of alter or sacred space as of yet, what's more is I haven't even smudged! Typically as a rule of thumb, I smudge my new living space any time I move somewhere new, but as all of my sacred tools are carefully packed away, that includes my sage as well.

Rather than overthink it however, I asked my guides, my ancestors, and of course Spirit to bless my new home. I also called to Brigid and welcomed her into my space, I invited her to make my new home her home and asked that she also bestow her blessing not just onto the space and to myself, but for my partner and for harmony between our two animals. Mostly for my cat as she is nearing 11 years old and has never had to share all of her space with another animal. While she has lived with other pets before, she's always had a room or space that was specifically hers. That being said, they're doing surprisingly well, for which both my partner and I are grateful for.

I am also exceedingly grateful to simply have my own space again. For the past two years I have been sharing a three bedroom apartment with up to five roommates. Not that I dislike anyone I've lived with, but the simple fact that my life style was so drastically different from everyone else's made things difficult to say that least. Not to say that I never frustrated my roommates, I can easily imagine it being a two-way street.
Regardless, I left on good terms with everyone and hope to stay in touch with the one's I have known the longest.

Another thing that I am looking forward to getting back to now that I have the free space to do so, is to get back to spell crafting. I may not have talked about it too much in the past, but when I was living on my own I felt much more inclined to ritual, to spell work, meditation and overall just being more active in my practice. I think in part due to the fact that I am not constantly attempting to shield myself and my space from outside energies as, well, it takes a lot of energy!

Plus with this full moon in Leo, I am feeling the itch and the desire to dive deeper into creative side, something that has felt rather lacking, almost dormant for the past several weeks if not months. I am still carrying with me part of the message that I received during the last full moon, which was to continue to rest. Some work needs to be done, which is to be expected, but now as the snow seems to be staying away (knock on wood!) and the temperature is steadily climbing, I am beginning to feel my inner energies stir and stretch up and outwards. I am also feeling a very strong desire to be organized and practical in very aspect of my life rather then being so, "well, we'll see when I get there."

I anticipate that once I get everything unpacked and really settled in, that I will pick up my studies again regarding chakras and diving deeper into my study of the tarot, which I have not forgotten about the monthly tarot card, I hope to have that up tomorrow.

For now I think this is a good stopping point as the other big event from the past week requires its own posting. If you're interested in honoring the full moon tomorrow night but are not sure how or don't have a lot of time, I would encourage you to join myself and many others with Sage Goddess for the February Full Moon Ritual. 

I absolutely love these rituals and always come away feeling refreshed and connected to Spirit. If you haven't done so yet, I was so inspired by last months ritual that I wrote about it; Full Moon, Late Night.

I have said so before and I will say again that I am in no way affiliated with Sage Goddess, and I receive nothing for promoting them, I truly do just love the community and the rituals. If you're curious and want to see what rituals have been done in the past, I'll include a link to their YouTube Channel where you can go through the archives of previous years rituals. Sage Goddess Playlists

Well, I suppose it's time I get ready for work as I certainly enjoyed my three day weekend after what has certainly been a transformative week to say the least. It really does feel so good to be home.

 Brightest Blessings to you all,

~Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Removing Skeletons from the Closet

Hey there loves,

As I have mentioned in the last couple of postings, I am preparing to move, and a part of that is going through and deciding what is coming with me into this next chapter of my life. One of the projects I've had for myself over several months now, was to go through a storage tote which contained binders, and notebooks, and journals, and letters from as far back as 2003.....

One could easily deduce that the tote was freaking heavy and I simply did not wish to move it one more time. Which is true, but it isn't the whole truth. 

I knew that some of the energy in those entries was going to be heavy, and that if I allowed myself to read too far into any given journal, that I would essentially be transported back to that time and feel precisely what I had written about. While I am sure that for some that would be a valuable experience, for me, I just knew that some pages were better off not being disturbed. 

When I started the project last night, I decided to burn some essential oil, and as luck would have it, I pulled out my Kali oil, and as I lit the candle I asked that she be present with me as I decided what to keep and what to let go after so many years of being carted around.

As the first oil died I wasn't half way through, so I went to put more into the defuser, I ended up pulling out the Sacral Chakra essential oil instead. I felt as though it was no coincidence so I went with it. 

There were journals from my earlier years which contained so much despair and hopelessness, pages upon pages of repeating the same goal of the utmost desire to let go of the feelings I carried for the boy I lost my virginity to at 16. 

As I made my way through the last of the binders in which so many things were preserved in plastic protective sheets, one page caught my eye as I recognized the penmanship immediately. It was a poem that my ex-fiance had written for me so many life times ago. Here I thought that I had disposed of any and everything from him, yet here was this single sheet from a legal pad that had managed to go unnoticed until now. Needless to say it went into the recycle pile without hesitation. 

After all of the struggles and trials that I have endured over the last four years, last year in particular, I want as much of a clean slate as possible. There are a couple of things that I will be keeping of course, but I already feel so much more prepared for this move by taking the time to release so much that I didn't even fully realize I was carrying.

I would be lying if I said that so much of what I kept was mostly on a sentimental level, I thought that somewhere down the line I would want those mementos and to remind me of where I had been and how far I have come; but the truth is that all I have to do is look into the mirror to remember. All I have to do is close my eyes and allow the pictures to come together to be back in those places.

But when it comes down to it, most of those memories are better left alone. It's unnecessary for me to travel so far back to times of feeling wrong, incomplete, unwanted and so unsure of myself. Those years and experiences helped to mold me and will always be a part of who I am. But they do not need a physical representation in my current world.

They are tiny pieces of lives in worlds that no longer exist, and while I continue to hold onto them, the less space I have within myself for the future possibilities, the future world I have worked so hard to get to, a place that I believed in so desperately that if I could manage to get there, that everything I had endured would be worth it.

I realize that not everyone equates energy and energetic imprints with their belongings, but I do, at an extent. I knew months ago how important it was to do this project, but it isn't until roughly a week before starting a new chapter in my life is when it is accomplish. I don't see that as a coincidence, like so many other things I see this as the Universe exercising Divine Timing. 

As my night drew to a close I began thinking about how close I am to this move, and how much/little needs to be done.

I started thinking about the new space I'll be in, and how this is the first time that I am choosing to move in with a partner because it's simply the next 'natural' step in our relationship, versus it being a matter of happenstance, and how ready I am for this step.

I started thinking about how much love and adoration I have for this individual and how, despite how different the financials might differ from my current situation, that I haven't worried or obsessed over how we are going to make it work, because I simply know that we will.  

Never before in my life have I felt such trust in the Universe, never before have I felt such trust in my partner, but most importantly, never before have I felt so much trust, in myself.

In the past when I had shared bits and pieces of some of the major life events that I've experienced, I would shrug my shoulders or shaken my head when people told me how strong I was for moving past such a 'thing.'

I never felt like I was completely through the experience, or that the 'surviving' that I was passing off for living was really worth any admiration, because, well, what the hell else was I going to do?

It's only now that I am able and ready to recognize and honor the warrior I have been, and continue to be. To thank others when they acknowledge my triumphs, because yes, it has been hell getting here. To thank them again when they congratulate me on my accomplishments, because I am no longer to acknowledge how much work has gone into not just my person, but into my journey.

I don't know if I will have time to write again before my move, but I will prepare a tarot card reading for February and have that up and ready before the first.

 Brightest Blessings to you all,

~Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Full Moon, Late Night

Good evening loves,

Happy Full Moon in Cancer!

Oh man, it's been a little over two years since I felt so moved after a full moon ritual, that I wanted to write about it. In fact, I believe that it was my first full moon ritual with Sage Goddess that I felt my spirit awaken, and was filled with the desire to create. And for a while there, I was writing almost every day, there was so much that was on my mind, that I wanted to share, that so desperately needed to be released that for a time it was just pouring out all over the place.

You may very well be feeling similarly with the Moon in her home planet tonight. If you're feeling like a mess or feeling overwhelmed, rest assured that after tomorrow the Moon begins her journey to Leo, which should prove to be rather interesting next month given that (at least in the society where I reside) Valentine's Day is a HUGE focus point for February, regardless of whether it is viewed in a positive or negative light. (But who doesn't like moon light, right?)

If you are currently in the one state that does not currently have snow, I will admit, I am slightly envious. As I have mentioned previously, and as I say in my bio, I live in the Pacific Northwest of the United States; we don't really get snow here, and in fact, as of yesterday, we are in a State of Emergency. It's a big deal for us. 

This week I was given the unexpected gift of a three day weekend, which has been extended to four due to the weather, and in this time I have been able to be still, to be quiet, to go inward and connect with my spirit and my guides in a way which I have not experienced in longer then I wish were true. 

It's given me such a wonderful opportunity to come back here and to start anew with the new year, to remind myself how much I love doing this; writing and sharing and connecting with any and all of those who take the time to read what I have to say. 

With all this unexpected free time, I knew I wanted to dedicate as much time as possible doing the things that I feel like I 'don't have time for' such as ritual. It was really important to me to be present and participate in this month's ritual for a couple of reasons. The main reason being that I missed the feeling of ritual, I missed the guided meditations, I missed connecting with the Universe in such a profound way, as I am able to do during these rituals if I give myself the chance. 

Another reason it was so important to me to participate in the ritual tonight was because I felt a very subtle but sincere pull. Which really got my attention because earlier today I sat before my alter and prayed for the first time, maybe ever. In my prayers I petitioned my goddess and a god from a pantheon a world away to help me maintain this emotional stability I seem to have stumbled upon. I can't say exactly what triggered these feels of security, but I have just been overwhelmed with gratitude, and for what feels like the first time, I have been able to suppress the feelings of anxiety, nervousness, worry, fear. 

Ah, fear. My old nemesis. As I sat down to write about tonight's experience, I was reminded how I felt so compelled to write after my first full moon ritual, and I decided to glance over it to see what these two experiences might share. 

It was during that first ritual that I discovered how fear had wound its way into damn near if not every aspect of my life, and how determined I was to eliminate fear from my life, and how I believed that 2015 would be the best year of my life. Well, that just wasn't the case. 2015 turned out to be one of the most difficult years of my life, but looking back now I can see how much was purged; that it took being on the edge of emotional and mental crippling for me to pull myself back and to blossom into the person that I would always reach out for but could never quite touch. 

Just like my first ritual with Sage Goddess, if I had to describe my experience tonight using only one word, that word would be: intense. 

I've been sharing on my Facebook page and Instagram, and even in my previous posting how things have been almost eerily falling into place, and how there have been multiple signs and synchronicities over the last several days - since the snow came! -  and how it's almost been freaking me out. Almost. 

Rather than be skeptical or push these gifts away (out of fear, i.e. it's too good to be true), I have found myself smiling and laughing in delight, and expressing sincere gratitude almost without thinking about it. Don't get me wrong, there have been moments where I have felt the fear and the worry creeping up on me, and there have even been a few moments here and there where that negative energy has filled my whole body. But what is miraculous to me is that I have been able to dis-spell those feelings.

When I felt myself struggling to do so is when I went before my alter and called to the Universe to help support me. I voiced my concerns, I asked for guidance, for reassurance, for strength to keep on the track I have worked so hard to be on. 

December of 2014 I made a commitment to myself to expel fear from my life. Tonight during ritual we traveled to meet with Zues and Athena, and during that experience I was gifted with the quiet revelation that I have nothing left to fear. That the fear I experience is an illusion, a cheap trick of my ego to keep me in a place of suffering. 

I was given a gift from both Athena and Zues, and even now hours after closing the circle, I can still feel their presence, their love and the soft look of pride in their eyes. I don't know that I have ever felt pride from any deity that I have ever worked with. 

This ritual has provided me with so much clarity, so much hope, so much peace. Even our ritual leader, also named Athena, spoke of things that resonated with me so deeply. There was one thing in particular that she touched on that I felt really hit the nail on the head. 

She spoke of this energy that has been in the field that is prompting us (I say that as a general collective) to get moving and get working, like the energy of Spring has come early. Which may very well explain my burst of energy to work on this blog so diligently, in addition to a couple of other projects that I mentioned previously in the vaguest way possible (of course.)

She reminded us that we are still in the period of rest, and how important it is to continue to allow ourselves this time so that when Spring does come around, that we have our reserves still in place. Now, Spring doesn't officially come around until late March (for us here in the Northern Hemisphere anyway), but we don't necessarily have to wait that long. February 1st also know as Imbolc/Imbolg is when the Earth begins to thaw and we begin to see the first signs of new life, such as animals giving birth, flowers starting to bloom, hopefully warmer temperatures....

I am so grateful that Athena touched on this, because holy cow have I been feeling that go, go, go energy. For the most part I have been able to rein it in and keep it in check, if you don't count the five postings in the last three, maybe four days...

Retaining my energy may prove to be a bit of a challenge simply do to the fact that I will be moving in three weeks, which is really soon. I am not moving far and I don't have much to move, but moving tends to be stressful and in addition to having lots of books, I have heavy furniture. 

That being said, I will be in my new home right around Imbolc, which is one more beautiful synchronicity that the Universe is blessing me with, so, definitely no complaints here. Tomorrow is the last day of my 'snow-cation' and I have to say that I am looking forward to getting back to my regular routine. 

Since our lovely Moon is going to be spending another day in her home of Cancer, I would sincerely encourage you to take an hour, and check out January's Full Moon Ritual, even if you just watch. I think you'll come away feeling glad that you did. 

One final note; full moons are a fantastic time to release and with this being the first full moon of 2017, really consider what needs to be left in 2016. Allow yourself to come into 2017 with less on your plate, less on your shoulders, and less weighing on your heart. It's okay to let those things go. Some times that's what needs to happen in order for all of the new and wonderful things to appear in your life. 

I'm not saying that it's not difficult, or painful, or scary to do so. I am saying that you're strong enough, and that you deserve the peace that will come from moving on from what no longer serves you. You've made it this far, and just think of how much further you can go when you allow yourself the freedom to do so.

 Brightest Blessings to you all,

~Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Thealynn's 2017 Reading List

Hey there everyone,

I'm doing things a bit differently today as I am literally pulling from a Note that I wrote for my Facebook page, and I thought, why not share it on my blog too, since my FB page is for my blog. I don't forsee myself coping and pasting too much from one place to the other very often, but I think in this case, it just makes sense.

A couple of years ago, I set a goal for myself to read at least 20 books, I ended up reading almost 40, which was great! But I also had a lot of mental and emotional struggles happening that year which allowed me almost too much time to read, as I used reading as a means of escape to an extreme degree.

This year, I want to create another reading list, with the goal of 15 books as I currently maintain a full time job and have a much healthier, balanced life. 

In addition to books I am reading, there will also be a list of books that I am currently working through. Ideally I will be able to finish said workbooks, but I’m not really interested in putting a time limit on those, despite a couple of them being laid out to work through them between 10-13 months. 

I am happy to receive suggestions, and hope to be able to provide reviews for books of a spiritual nature, as most of the list is currently comprised of that particular theme. 

Without further ado, here is my current book list for 2017!

1.) Tending Brigid’s Flame by Lunaea Weatherstone

2.) Earth Path by Starhawk

3.) To Walk A Pagan Path : Practical Spirituality for Every Day by Alaric Albertsson

4.) The Sea Priestess by Dion Fortune

5.) Awakening Shakti by Sally Kempton

6.) Women Who Run With the Wolves : Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype by Clarissa Pinkola Esres Ph.D.

7.) The Chakra Bible by Patricia Mercier

8.) Wheels of Life by Anodea Judith

9.) Earth God Rising : The Return of the Male Mysteries

10.) How to Uncover Your Past Lives by Ted Andrews

11.) The Path of the Priestess: A Guidebook for Awakening the Divine Feminine by Sharron Rose

12.) Spirits of the Sacred Grove: The World of a Druid Priestess by Emma Restall Orr

13.) Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman

14.) Towers of Midnight by Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson

15.) A Memory of Light by Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson

As for books that I hope to work through this year,

1.) Following Your Path : Using Myths, Symbols, and Images to Explore Your Inner Life by Alexandra Collins Dickerman

2.) In the Shadow of 13 Moons : Embracing Lunar Energy for Self-Healing & Transformation by Kimberly Sherman-Cook

3.) The Chakra Experience by Patrica Mercier

4.) Chakra Wisdom Oracle Toolkit : A 52-Week Journey of Self-Discovery within the Lost Fables by Tori Hartman

As I finish books, I will try to come and mark them off the list, so to speak. And of course if anyone wants to read along or if anyone is interested in doing a sort of reading group, please feel free to reach out to me, I would love to do something as a group.

If you're interested in following me on Facebook here is the link; Through the Secret Door by Thealynn

 
Brightest Blessing and Happy Reading!

Destruction Before Creation/A Star is Born

Hello loves,

On this particular evening I am sitting in the comfort of my home, hunkered down as a winter storm begins with the knowledge that I will be more or less 'stuck' for the next couple of days. Winter storms are not necessarily unusual for this time of year, however, the fact that this will be the third time within the last three weeks that we will have snow fall, is quite unusual for this area.

I intend to take the time away from work and traditional responsibilities to enjoy the quiet, and to simply with with myself as much as I can. As I mentioned in my previous post, I tend to shut down and go inward during this time, and this provides the perfect atmosphere to do so. In addition, it has provided me with some time to consider how I wanted to approach this topic, my tarot card for 2017.

(I feel like I should warn you, this is going to be a long one.)

Last year my card was The Tower, which inspired the title for this posting, as that was the phrase or mantra that I adopted for the year. As working with a tarot card for an entire year is a relatively new practice for me, the first year I did so, I wasn't entirely sure how to go about 'working with' said card. More often then not, I couldn't find what I considered to be legitimate connections between the message of the card and my every day life, last year was much different.

At the beginning of the year, I broke off an unhealthy relationship, which was a first for me. It took a meditation with a goddess to give me the push I needed. But once that fire was lit within me, I began to see more clearly the areas of my life where I had put other's first, where I really should have been more considerate of myself.

I realized how even though ending the relationship would be uncomfortable and even painful to a certain degree, I understood deep into my bones how continuing would only cause more damage, not just to myself but to my partner at the time.

That bridge had to be destroyed in order to make room for my current relationship; healthy, proactive, compassionate, genuine and challenging to be the best partner I can be.

I switched gears and entered into a profession that I believed I would be successful in, only to find out that I did not have an affinity for it at all. To top it off, I had been recently hired when I was attacked and due to the nature of the job, I was forced to quit, without the option to return to the position I had been in prior to leaving.

It took a couple of months, but because I decided to take a chance of myself, I was able to enter into a brand new field (to me at least) and I ended up with better hours, and a higher pay rate that my previous two employers.

In the beginning of my healing process, I followed my instinct to receive professional help that also integrated my spiritual path. Finding the right person to work with took some time, but the work that I knew we would be able to accomplish together was worth the wait.

In the time it took to get in touch with my mentor, teacher, and healer, I also learned how much inner strength I truly possess. As much support that I had, there was so much that I had to do on my own, work that only I could do for myself, and in doing so, I readied myself for the work I would do later on.

There were times last year where I forgot who I was, where I felt utterly destroyed and broken: because I was. The person I had known before was gone; I remembered being her, I remembered her easy laugh and her seemingly endless compassion and understanding, I remembered how much she wanted to be a rock for the people around her. But I had lost her, she was like the shadow of a dream that could be so scarcely felt, and the feeling of that previous me, was shattered, was hollow, was just, not there anymore.

Even now it's difficult to look back and remember those months where Purgatory had come to Earth and I seemed to be its sole occupant. Flip the coin over however, and it's encouraging to know how much progress I have made in taking back my life, to know how much will power, resolve, determination, and drive I possess, all of which no one can give or take away, that are truly part of who I am as a person, regardless of what happens in my life.

In addition to the Tower being my tarot card for 2016, numerologically, it was also a 9 year. A year for tying up loose ends, a year for endings, for completion, a year to let go of so much...

I wrote numerous times last year about how long it the year seemed, how weeks and months felt like years in and of themselves, September especially was quite a challenging month. By the time the holidays came, it didn't feel quite real, like some how I had actually made it to the end of 2016, and I couldn't have been more grateful to put that year behind me.

If you're curious how to find this information and/or if you are new to numerology (I am certainly no expert) - you take the year, 2017 and you add each number individually. In this case, the sequence would look like this:

2+0+1+7= 10
1+0= 1

To find your tarot card for the year, you would take your birth month and day, and the current year. So for example, this is how I have found mine:

1+2+3+1+2+0+1+7= 17

I would then locate the seventh card in the Major Arcana, and this year my card is, The Star.

As I was reading about The Star, in one of the companion's for one of my decks, the refer to the numerological counter part of the Star, which happened to be Strength. I also decided to look at last years card and the numerological counter part of the Tower which was The Hanged Man.

I decided to revisit last year's card and its counter part. Maybe it's the fact that last year is behind me, or maybe it's because I'm in a place where I am ready to see from a fresh perspective, regardless of why, each card so clearly describes the trials and miracles of 2016.

With The Tower depicting the utter destruction and loss that I experience, to the feelings of dread, helplessness, and inability to move forward that are depicted in the Hanged Man. Rather than focusing on the darkness that I found myself in, with the help of my loved ones, my guides spirit and otherwise, I was able to find and fight for the possibility of creation, to find the calm within myself to make the decision to go after my attacker through the uncertainty of the justice system.

Because I had nothing else to hold on to, I chose to believe that even though I had suffered such a horrific event, that the Universe truly was protecting me, and that justice would be served. I chose to believe that despite the tear filled journey to recovery, that there was a greater purpose in place, and that some how, I would make the most of what happened to through helping others who experienced the same horrors.

Turning now towards the future, to The Star and to its counter part Strength, I am prepared to open myself fully to the healing and the magic of the Universe. I am prepared to take the next step in welcoming to love and the gifts of the Universe because I know now more than ever that I am worthy of such things.

In the DruidCraft Tarot, they make the connection of the woman pictured in The Star to the Celtic goddess Brigidh, the same goddess who lit the fire within me, the first goddess whose energy I felt as a child, and the goddess whom I feel the most connection to, as she is a goddess of Healing Water and Sacred Flame.

Cards and Counter Parts from the DruidCraft Tarot

The Star speaks of embracing the healing waters, and accepting the sacred protection that is offered by the Universe in all things. It speaks of fueling the creative spirit and allowing yourself to receive all that has been waiting for you. It is a direct sign from your guides, on the physical and spiritual plane that you are on the right path, and to trust your intuition. Lessons have been learned, scars have been earned, and now is the time to allow hope to bloom within one's heart, because that's where dreams are made.

The Star's counter part Strength refers to not just a boost in physical vitality, but of emotional endurance; having faced such strong oppositions, positioning yourself into a strong mental position. Retaining composure, and compassion while standing your ground.

A quote from the Oceanic Tarot about the card Strength, "What opposes you is lower then you are..."

Cards and Counter Parts from the Oceanic Tarot

This quote speaks volumes to me, and reminds me of all that I have risen above, and how I continue to do so by staying true to who I am, my needs, and my path.

Even now within just the first two weeks of 2017, I already feel the weight of the past year alleviated. Depending in who you ask, numerologically 2017 is a 1/10 year. A year of new beginnings, of mastery.

Going into this year there is already so much to be grateful for, so much potential already taking shape in the physical realm.

I have my first performance review with my new employer which could very well result in a pay raise.  As I mentioned before, withing the next couple of weeks I will be celebrating the first year of my relationship with an amazing man, with whom I will be taking the next step and building a home together. I will continue my training and healing with my current teacher and mentor as well as beginning official Reiki training, in addition I will be seeking a mentor and teacher to help take my tarot reading to the next level.

And that's only what I have in mind until roughly March or April. I think it goes without saying that I hope to be able to keep up with this blog all throughout the year, and perhaps even begin a new adventure.

This year is bright and young and perhaps for the first time, I am in fact ready to be in a happy, healthy, prosperous, and productive place; mind, body, and soul.

I hope all of you are just as excited about this year as I am.

Brightest Blessings to you all,

~Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf

Hello 2017

Hello 2017 and hello to all of you, welcome back to Through the Secret Door.

I was thinking about this place the other day, and I realized that since I started this project, I have consistently 'disappeared' from around Samhain to Imbolc, or roughly from November to February, give or take a post or two.

What got me thinking about it is the fact that I do the same thing with my personal life, I tend to retreat during those months and focus mostly on work. Seasonal illness tends to play a role in that also, but I'm realizing that between those times my spiritual practice tends to take a back seat, and once the craziness of the holidays die down and I recover, that's when I tend to feel myself wanting to get back to the routines I try to maintain throughout the rest of the year.

Being that this is the first year that I've noticed this pattern, I'm hoping that I will be able to keep that in mind, and that I find a way to maintain a good balance between my work life and my spiritual life.

With all of that to say, I think I want to focus on simply writing and sharing my thoughts and experiences, at least for the time being. I wrote last year about a particular event, and while I have come so far in reclaiming my life and getting back on track, the journey is not over yet.

Despite some of the horrific events that took place last year, there were also some wonderful experiences and changes that made dealing with the horrible stuff manageable.

In 2016 I ended an unhealthy relationship and through that process I realized how much I put others before myself and learned how important being fair to myself truly is.

Once I made the decision to put myself first, the Universe brought my current partner into my life, and while we differ on some aspects, I couldn't ask for a more supportive, understanding, and solid individual to experience this life with. I am happy to say that come March we will be celebrating our first year as a couple and will be living together.

As a result of being attacked, I returned to therapy and after a couple of months of working with a non-spiritual therapist, I made the switch to work with a teacher and mentor whom I had previously taken classes with regarding shielding and healing.

I am so grateful that I listened to my inner voice and made the decision to work with this person as we not only work to heal the hurt and trauma of that particular event, but that we also go deeper into the hurts of my past, as well as working towards the future.

I changed jobs twice last year, and am happy to say that I finally work for a company that shares my values and ideals that is still young enough that there is ample opportunity for growth. It's not where I plan on staying forever as I intended for my spiritual work to eventually become my full time profession, but it's nice knowing that I have such a stable foundation to work from.

Last year I expressed my desire to learn and work with my chakras, and that is something I will be picking back up this year. I plan on continuing to work with stones, scents, candles, meditation, and cards just like last year. In addition I've also sent away for a couple of books, and CDs that I think will help to deepen my understanding a provide good references that will be good to have on hand. I'll be sure to share titles and pictures as soon as they all finish arriving.

I will also be continuing to deepen my knowledge of tarot and honing my reading skills through study of individual cards, including my tarot card of the year. I think I'll save that piece of information for another post as I have a few thoughts to share regarding last year's card.

I think this is where I am going to leave today's post. It feels good getting back into the saddle, and I hope that I am able to maintain this feeling of quietness and focus to just sit and being willing to share.

I hope each and everyone of you had a joyous holiday season and a safe fun new year.

Until next time,

Brightest Blessings,

Thealynn

©2013-2017 Thealynn Oceanna Rosewolf