What to Say About Love

Hey there lovies,

With Valentine's Day tomorrow, I have been trying to figure out what I want to say about love.

Being someone who has experienced the best and the worst, you'd think that I would have a clear and firm belief or opinion, but the truth is that I don't.

Perhaps it's the mood I've been in lately, maybe it's all of the work I've been doing, it could be that I am just tired.

If there is one ultimate truth about love is that it's hard work. I would question anyone who says that they have not heard the term, 'nothing worth having is easy.' Love is no different.

To clarify I don't just mean romantic love; I mean every kind and every level of love. Family, friends, romantic partners, and every nook and cranny in between.

It might be a strange thing to say, but I know that in the past I have loved very easily, admittedly sometimes against my better judgement. Because of that I can see how mistakes have been made, chances were given that were not deserved, but because of what I consider to be a naive attitude I allowed myself to be taken advantage of.

I can tell almost instantly if I'm going to have a connection with someone, the level of that connection can take some time to be determined, but I know when it's there. How long that connection lasts often proves the greatest mystery but as I am open to others for the most part, I usually end up leaving that decision to those I interact with.

I am not a terribly aggressive person in that I will often go after what I want in a quiet way versus proclaiming it to the world.

In my short adult life I have had two serious relationships, and slightly painful, unsuccessful dates. For the past year and a half, I have very intentionally kept myself closed off to the potential of another relationship for several reasons.

Aside from needing to release and move on from those relationships, I also realized that I had never really been single in my adult life which seemed a little crazy to me. A little bit at a time I also began realizing how much healing that needed to be done, and I wasn't sure how to go about it. I had days where I ignored it, I had days where I fed it, there were days where I fought it, and there were days where I was ready to give up.

Slowly I began taking better care of myself and not worrying about how it was going and just went with it. I spent time with girl friends and threw myself into my work, I tried putting myself out there here and there but nothing serious ever came out of it.

After a fairly dismal pairing I decided that I was just done for a while. I wasn't interested in dating, or a relationship, but at the same time I missed sharing a deeper connection with someone.

Last summer I ended up making an unexpected connection with someone I never would have thought, and while there was no romance, for a time I had that connection that I had been craving. In doing so I explored a newer side of myself and began thinking about what I would want out of my next relationship.

It also dawned on me how much I wasn't ready for anything more than what I was already doing. The experience lasted a few months and ended without much warning, but given the nature of the situation, I wasn't phased by it and I continued on.

Even so, it only left me wondering that much about what I wanted, and when I might want it.

When I allowed myself a moment here or there to think about it honestly, it was easier to come up with what I didn't want, versus what I did or might want. Without trying to use previous relationships, romantic or not as a measuring stick I tried to determine what about these certain people that caused us to become as close as we were.

Regardless of the timing, each and every person that I have ever felt comfortable sharing a love with, developed a very deep and personal friendship with me. They earned my trust and my love by putting their trust in me and sharing their love.

Friendship was our strongest attribute, and with the exception of one, that level of the relationship remains.

I don't regret the love I have experienced, I think that those experiences may be the most valuable I have ever had, and I think that it would be foolish of me to dismiss them all together.

Someone recently asked me if I was ready for another relationship, and my instant reaction was to laugh, which I did. I have done the work and will continue to work on healing and being open, because I think such things take constant care.

I am open to meeting someone though. Free of expectations or hidden desires, I am simply open to the possibility of new friendships and developing the friendships that I currently hold.

I am open to the possibility of love, I'm open to love finding me. I am not the biggest fan of searching for love because I feel like when the time is right, it will make itself known.

When I imagine love, I imagine a bond so strong and genuine where you completely adore the other person. I imagine a love where no topics are off limits, and that there is so much respect and sincere caring that the things that might scare someone away are demons that are fought together. I imagine a love with roots in mutual respect and understanding.

I can only see these things being in place through a friendship building and growing into something much more, but without the intention of doing so.

Love is delicate and strong in same the instant, it's a curious event that with time I am sure I will experience again.

For the time being though, I consider myself content where I am and despite my struggles I wouldn't give up being who I am for anything.

I'm chuckling now because I remember a reading I received not long ago. The cards before me spoke of a pending relationship that has yet to show itself and how one of the most important factors is for me to communicate my needs.

Being that said relationship has yet to manifest, I am going to start practicing.

I am only as alone as I choose to be. This time around I won't be giving my heart away so easily, nor do I expect anyone to be handing over their feelings without a second thought.

I trust that all will be right, and in divine time, gods know I wouldn't be able to handle it any sooner.

Light and love to you all,

Thealynn



©2013-2015 Thealynn

When the Dust Settles

Hey there lovies,

I can't say for certain what brought on this post and in all honesty, I'm not concerned as to the why. I've often wondered if great writers spent time thinking about where their idea and stories came from. Was it something that someone said, was it something they had a dream about, was the subject matter hiding a truth that they felt they couldn't share otherwise? Or, was it simply the need to write?

Were they possessed with a feeling, with a passion that demanded to be set through the strokes of their pens, or in my case, the keys of my Harriet?

I some times think to myself, are there really any subjects that are off limits here? I mean, yes this is my blog, but it's not just for me. The people that read this are here for a potentially different purpose, would they really be interested in reading this and that?

Those moments are few and far between, and are very brief. Because when it's something so close to my heart, I can't help but feel that I would be doing myself an injustice by not speaking about it. That I could potentially lose something precious if I denied the flow of words and energy that fill my arms and finger tips, that slow my breathing and cause me to break out into song when the rest of my space is quiet.

Over the last several weeks, I have focused on healing my heart space, releasing old wounds, cleaning slates, and silently saying goodbye to the past. What I find truly magical about this process is that I didn't realize how much I was being transformed while I was writing that series, when it came to Monday's post I simply was at a loss for words for quite a while.

Towards the end of the series I could feel those newly empty spaces, and I had moments where I felt the impulsive need to fill them. Something about it simply didn't feel right and I felt different, not bad by any means but different.

In this time I released old loves, I released bitterness and anger, I reconnected with my father after twenty years free of expectations, I connected with my matron goddess, but what I consider most important; I was able to see how desperately I've been trying to control everything and how much that wasn't working. I could finally see how doing so stopped the blessings of the Universe to flow freely to me.

So I let go.

You may remember in an earlier posting I mentioned something my teacher said, "Let Go, Let Come" which is something I loved the sound of because it reminded me of the ocean. Waves coming and going, the tide coming in and back out again, the ebb and flow. (I recently learned that my moon sign is Pisces which explains SO MUCH.)

And as much as that phrase resonated with me, I wasn't doing it. I was still hanging on, and when I thought about what I was holding on to, I didn't have an answer; one word kept coming to mind: control.

So many things were going on that I felt like I had let happen, some things I did let happen, and a whole lot of things that I had no way of letting happen because they were out of my control. I have felt as though I am scrambling trying to regain control and driving myself crazy because I haven't thought that doing everything within my power is enough.

Seeing all of this in front of me it dawned on me that if I continued the way that I was, I would only make things worse. I was creating hell for myself when I didn't need to, and in doing so I created a vicious circle that I am unfortunately all too familiar with.

Deciding to let go was not as simple as it may sound. I've found that all people fall into one of four categories: those who think that some form of deity, i.e. God, have complete control over everything, those who think that we here on Earth are divine beings having a human experience and that we have control, those who believe that everything is random and a roll of the dice, and those who fall somewhere in between.

I fall in the last group, and in a separate post I will explain more but for now, that's where I'll leave it. Suffice it to say that while I think we have divine within each of us, when we decided to have this experience, we gave up the ability to have complete control, and there are a lot of things in life that can't be planed for because that's just how life is.

Acknowledging what I was doing and how much it was affecting me, it was still difficult to say the words, verbally acknowledging that I was going to let go of the reins, and allow the Universe to work it's magic.

That's not to say that I am going to quit living. I am still going to continue doing everything that I can, but rather than stress about it and try to force the results, I am releasing them and thank they Universe for what I have and for taking care of my needs.

I'm focusing to continue my healing and developing my path and expanding my knowledge.

Surrender is not an easy thing, and neither is trust. And I like to think that Spirit is understanding of that, and sees when I choose to do so even when it takes a couple of tries.

Now all of those spaces that I felt so strange about are starting to feel good, they are starting to feel like possibilities.

Not knowing what's ahead is one of the scariest feelings for me, but instead of worrying, I'm trying to be excited.

After all, anything is possible.

Many blessings in light and love,

Thealynn

©2013-2015 Thealynn

Not An Ending But A Beginning

Hello lovies,

Welcome to Part Ten and the Final Installment of my Open Heart Series.

I'm sure that I have mentioned at least once before how I wasn't entirely sure what I was expecting when I started this journey, where it would take me. I certainly did not expect it to grow into what is has become though I couldn't be happier with it.

Admittedly it's hard for me to know what to say here because well, I know that for me, the journey isn't over. It is something that I will continue possibly for the rest of my life, because once a heart is healed, what good is it if left unattended or locked away to prevent future damage? A closed heart is not a heart that can extend or receive love, and hasn't that been the whole point?

For the last several days I have been working on another writing project, that in time I am sure will make some sort of appearance here, but until that time I am keeping it a private matter.

Apart from that project the last time that I really wrote a piece for this blog was two weeks ago. I experienced a mini writing marathon where I wanted everything to be prepared to just publish on the correlating day and it has worked well, until now.

I became completely focused on the middle of this series, of this process that I didn't spend a lot of time thinking about the conclusion. When I originally started work on this series I anticipated using the experience of the latest full moon ritual to prepare me for this and in some ways it has.

The series itself did more for me in terms of healing, understanding, and opening up in more ways then I ever could have imagined.

Over the course of these past few weeks I have let go of so much hurt and resentment, I have learned how to open myself up in new ways, and I even connected with deity in a very profound way.

This journey may not be over, but I have the next step within my sight, which is truly a blessing in and of itself.

In light and love,

Thealynn

©2013-2015 Thealynn

Behind Door Number Three

Hey there lovies,

Welcome to Part Nine of my Open Heart Series!

If you have not read the previous parts of this series I would encourage you to follow the links below so that you can get all caught up! What started as a minor project has blossomed into a journeys of how, why, and how to!

Previous Series Postings
OHNMR
OHNMRT
Behind Door Number Two
Why Answer the Why
When Guides Come Knocking
Grounding and Bubble Meditiations
Whisperings of a Ghost 
Connecting with Your Guides

So without further ado!

There have been so many things that have transpired since I began this journey of my Open Heart series. I thought that reuniting with my father after twenty years would be the high light, but it turns out, the Universe had more in store for me.

Don't worry, I'll explain.

I am participating in sessions with a well versed spiritual teacher, along with many others, and during our most recent lesson a goddess' name was spoken and it sounded as if the name itself was ringing. Now, from time to time I will have random ringing or a high pitched note go off in my ears for varying amounts of time, and at first I thought that's what it was. As my teacher talked about part of our spiritual work and about the goddess herself, I felt myself slowly filling up and then slowly being surrounded by this energy.

I felt warm, empowered, creative and sexy. That last part really threw me for a loop, because there have been very few times that I have felt that way. Which I never really considered a bad thing, but when I was thinking about it a bit more and it made me...sad.

While I very much embrace the fact that I am an Earth sign, and am very much rooted in a physical world, I've never had much appreciated my own physical form. I've never considered myself particularly attractive, or fit, or even desirable.

There have been several years when I have told myself that I would get in shape, and I would change my eating habits and that I wanted to take better care of myself physically, I haven't done it. Not for extended periods of time anyway.

I never really gave  thought as to why it never stuck, or why I was never able to commit to it, and to be honest, the only thing that comes to mind is I am afraid of changing. Which sounds so silly when I put it that way, because there really are NO downsides to any of those goals. My ego comes into play though and reminds me of how gross I'll get working out, and how I'll be sore, and what about that asthma I've never been professionally diagnosed with?

While I have never been a particularly thin person, it's only been in the last five years that I've become overweight. Not dangerously so, but enough that any body issues I may have had before were magnified.

I was on the heavier side of the average for my age and height, and while I felt like my thighs were mountains, I was fine with the rest of my body. I certainly didn't love my body, but I didn't hate it either. Overall I just wasn't very excited about my whole self.

I've never liked too much physical activity because I felt like it only highlighted what I considered to be what I was physically lacking or I felt like I just was not good at whatever I was trying to do. I preferred to be stationary and write or read-not that that much has changed to be honest.

Last summer for one of my college classes I took ballroom dance, and I LOVED it. It's true that I was sore some days, and that we all certainly got sweaty due to lack of air conditioning in that part of the gym, but I had an absolute blast.

Before that class I always said how much I didn't think I could dance. And sure, it took a few classes to get the hang of things, but I was constantly being complimented on my technique when I was just flowing through the steps. It was something that just came naturally to me.

I was surprised because when I started high school I went through a major stint of depression where I completely disconnected from every aspect of life, and even though I got out of it, I never really felt connected on a physical level other than extreme pain.

As I slowly but surely began gaining weight, it affected not only my health, but my relationship. As much as my ex thought he was encouraging me, all he did was make me feel horrible about myself which only caused the cycle to continue. The ways that he enjoy exercising just did not appeal to me, which frustrated him, frustrated me, and only added to the problem.

When I was dancing, as much as I loved it, there was always a small part of me that was self-conscious about the way my body was moving, and how it looked while it was moving. There were moments when I was completely caught up in the dance and didn't care about it at all because I was connecting with a part of my soul that I didn't know existed.

When I have thought about getting in shape, and getting healthy, there has always been a block for me to do it, and as I have been writing this, I am now realizing that there are a couple of reasons.

1. I've been afraid of failing. I'm afraid of the looks I'll get from people while I am working out, I'm afraid of their judgement.

2. I've been afraid of what will happen if I loose the weight, but can't keep it off. It's easier just to maintain where I already am.

3. I've been afraid of not being able to loose the weight. If 'regular exercise' and a healthy diet don't do it, what will it take?

4. I've been afraid of not being attractive once I'm in better shape. It's been easy to justify not having someone in my life because of my weight. If I'm in good physical shape and I'm still not attractive, what does that say about me?

Seeing them listed in front of me is eye opening but it's also heartbreaking. While I feel somewhat relieved to have finally broken this thing down, I also feel a sense of shame because I realize how shallow these reasons are, especially the last.

I know that logically whoever I am with will love me and want to be with me because of who I am on the inside, and while I truly do believe that, it's hard to remember while I feel so negatively about myself on the outside.

While I consider myself a spiritual soul, I am also a very physical being. And I honestly believe that getting in touch with my body, and being brave and motivated to finally take those steps will only help to serve my highest good and my purpose.

In the honor of that, I am going to be implementing yoga and belly dancing into my daily routines. I'm doing to be doing some research on how best to get started, and I am hoping that I can start practicing the basics at home.

This was possibly one of the last deities I ever expected to come to me, let alone in such a profound way. Even though it has been almost two weeks since the initial interaction and I have continued to feel her presence and her energy. She has also popped up in several places since that time, only reinforcing her place in my life and in my spiritual work.

I had intended to use this posting to introduce her, and to share how I will be working with her, but I think this is what needed to be done in preparation of that. I'm so grateful for this journey, because it has taken me places I never thought I would go, or needed to go.

It's been almost two months since I started this journey again Through the Secret Door, and this series that started off with just a few simply posts has gown into the first tree I see planted in the garden of this sacred space.

I've taken my first step to surrendering to my purpose, and though I do not know what or how many steps lay before me, I know that will continue through with humility, free of fear, and knowing I have such an amazing goddess beside me, I feel as though I am ready to ride this wave to it's fullest extent.

Sending you light and love,

Thealynn

You can purchase this print from The Lovely Little Witch Etsy Shop.

©2013-2015 Thealynn

Connecting With Your Guides

Hello lovies,

Welcome to Part Eight of my Open Heart Series!

If you have not read the previous parts of this series I would encourage you to follow the links below so that you can get all caught up! What started as a minor project has blossomed into a journeys of how, why, and how to!
 
Following pieces of this series will include ways to connect with your guides and of course the resulting experience of the February Full Moon Ritual through Sage Goddess.

Previous Series Postings
OHNMR
OHNMRT
Behind Door Number Two
Why Answer the Why
When Guides Come Knocking
Grounding and Bubble Meditiations
Whisperings of a Ghost

So without further ado!

This is a post that has been requested from me for quite some time, and I am hopeful that this will answer some questions and provide some guidance.

Guides come in all different forms; angels, animals, spirits, gods and goddesses, fairies, ancestors, the list goes on and on.

If you have read previous posts of mine you can probably guess the kinds of guides that I have worked with the most thus far . Animal guides are the first guides that I learned about, and worked with before I even knew that's what I was doing. In a way it's always come naturally to me, but I know that's not the case for everyone, so here we are!

I have found that meditation is the best place to connect with your guides. I like to think of it as meeting them half way. There are certainly times that guides are able to reach us here in what I some times refer to as the 'waking realm' or the physical plane. But some times we don't recognize their signs or understand their messages.

Before I jump into the meditation there are a couple of things that I want to go over that I have found to be true when it comes to guides. I will acknowledge up front that not everyone will agree with me and that is fine. For the work that I do and have done with my own guides and helping other people get in touch with theirs, these are things that I share with them and that I have learned over the years.

Everything that I mention here intertwines with each other, but I felt that it was important to break them into individual points not only to make it clear but to show the different ways that all of these things work together.

One, and what I would consider the most important: You must be OPEN to receiving your guides. Guides are not always there to be fluffy and have a good time with you, most of the time they are there to help you learn invaluable lessons or to help you make important decisions. Some times they will have messages that you might not want to hear, but they are there to HELP you, especially in difficult times.

Two that is really an extension of one: If you are not ready or are holding back from them, they may very well do the same thing. It's okay to be afraid or uncertain because that's just a part of life. But it's important to be willing to receive help from your guides in the ways that they can provide. If you are experiencing those things, express that to them. Let them know how you are feeling, and that because of or in spite of that you are reaching out to them for guidance.

Three, what I consider to be next in importance: I know that it can be difficult, but it's vital to not set expectations on your guides. Trusting them to be there and to help you/protect you/watch over you is very different then expecting them to do those things. Your guides are there for you because they care about your well being and because they want to be.

Four: Don't turn away your guide(s) because they do not come to you in a way or form that you expected or wanted. Again, guides appear to you in a certain way because of the messages that they have for you. I do not mean this in any sort of threatening way and I do not mean to scare anyone, but I will say that some times ignoring your guides can have consequences. The last thing I would want is for something to happen and I am left kicking myself wishing that I had put my ego aside and just listened.

Five: Don't feel like you have to change the way you communicate when you're connecting with your guides. It might feel a little odd at first, especially if you are connecting to deity and it feels like you should be more 'proper'; this goes back to having expectations. Follow you gut, more than likely your guides will meet you somewhere in the middle and they will adjust to communicate with you. If you feel more comfortable talking a certain way when it comes to your guides, go for it!

Six: You can have more then one guide at a time. Some guides come and go, some guides always pop up in certain situations, some are with you your whole life. Some times guides will even work together.

Seven: While I am not suggesting that guides have limitless abilities and power it's important to not put limits on them. If you think that your guides can't help you, then guess what? They can't and they probably won't.

Eight: You guides are not there to do all of the hard work for you, they are there to help you with the hard work. They may even give you something hard to work on, and if they do, it's because it's going to help you in the long run. Guides are also not going to be there to help you with every little thing. This is your life to live, it's up to YOU.

Nine: If you are working with your guides and their message is unclear, it's okay to ask for clarification. There is no doubt be times when they give you a message or a piece of information and say 'have fun!" and leave you to make of it what you will. But more often then not they will be happy to oblige, they are there to be helpful after all.

Ten: Be appreciative of your guides. If you received guidance or assistance don't forget to thank them, and you don't have to make it elaborate. A thank you at the end of your meetings is a great way to show appreciation, or if you can, light a candle for them. They'll see it and appreciate the gratitude.

Now the fun part! While there are lots of different ways of connecting with your guides, as I mention before, I find that meditation is the easiest way to do so. That's not to say that this is the only way, some times they will come to you in a dream or like with animal guides you may see them in your everyday life. 

If you go the meditation route I recommend a couple of things, and this goes the same for whatever kind of meditations you do.

Try to find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed. Feel free to play music or white noise, light some incense if that will help you get into the frame of mind. Of course you'll want to make sure your are in a comfortable position. 

If you have a set time that you want to meditate for I recommend setting two timers, one to serve as your warning to finish up and the second to actually call you back. There are meditation CDs and apps that do this for you, it's really a matter of preference. 

When you are ready to do your meditation make sure you have your intention set. If you think or know that you have a guide waiting for you, let yourself drift to that place where you feel drawn to. It can be anywhere, somewhere in nature, it could be in a specific structure, in a different country, allow yourself to go wherever it is that you feel yourself being pulled to. 

Some times that means that you don't really go anywhere at all, and you find yourself resting within your subconscious, if that's so what does it look like to you?

Wherever it is that you find yourself, try to get as clear of a picture as possible, do you hear any sounds, do you feel anything around you, how do you appear, what time of day is it? It might sound overwhelming trying to nail down all of these details but it can actually help you stay focused while you're meditating.

When you feel comfortable where you are, express how you are there to meet with any guides who may be waiting for you, or that have a message for you. It really can be as simple as that. Allow your guides to take it from there, they may end up taking you on a journey!

If you're still having trouble connecting with you guides, I would recommend a guided meditation. Some times having a more structured meditation can be more beneficial.

As always lovies, I hope that this has been helpful and has answered some questions about connecting with your guides. As always if you have any specific questions feel free to leave them in the comments or you can message me privately.

Sending you light and love,

Thealynn

©2013-2015 Thealynn